And we could ride all night

To the pace of the blinking light

Wishing traffic was faster (traffic was faster)

Keeping safe distance, but courting disaster

We watched the sunrise together.  I felt amazingly calm just sitting beside her as we faced away from the ocean in the sand.  However, I knew that at some point I would have to return to the reality I dreaded.  And thus I said goodbye and tried my hardest to breathe again as my body showed the signs of my anxiety.  There I found myself, back at the place hardly ever called home.

We could dance all night

To the sounds of a starting fight

Hoping change would come around (change would come around)

Amazing division, how sweet the sound

She was awake, of course.  She always was, no matter how late she came back she awoke with the sun.  Her newly intoxicated gaze met mine and I saw, rather than heard, the dull resignation.  I hadn’t expected this non-caring attitude when I returned, I was fully prepared for broken glass and furious screams. 

“You know, Spence, I’ve put a lot of effort into this relationship.  I’ve really tried to make it work. But apparently, you’ve got your heart set on not having a girlfriend that really cares,” she slurred each and every word and held up an accusing bottle of Jack in my direction.  I didn’t respond; my words were stolen by a deep sense of sadness making its way up my chest and into my throat.  Here I was, attempting to let go of the calming predictability of the woman before me. 

Blame me! Blame me! Blame me!

For mistakes you’ve made but you can’t own

Hate me, hate me, hate me

For every honest word that you’ve postponed

Leave me out of this

Your life’s a sinking ship, so

Blame me, blame me, blame me

For mistakes you’ve made but you can’t own

My eyes found themselves on the floor, the tile suddenly enthralling in a way her face never could be.  I thought it would have been best if I didn’t answer her, I had duly noted that arguing always led to pain.  Of course, I had easily traded the emotional strain for the physical blows because after all was said and done I just couldn’t deal.