God it kills me to she her here, laying there hooked up to all those machines, tubes pumping things into her body. Tears are starting to free-fall from my eyes again. Damn it! I’m so tired of crying but, how could I not though my best friend is laying in this bed and I wish it were me instead of her. Even now just lying there she is beautiful. Her dark auburn curls cascading over the pillow with the newly added red streaks that she got the day before the accident. I laughed when she got these because she hadn’t had them since when were in high school, she had let them grow out and secretly I knew she missed them. So, just like I thought when she came in with them that day I just laughed at her. She has a body that would make anyone weak in the knees, boy or girl alike and unfortunately she knows it. I make fun of her for the ego she has. But, with a body like that she has a right to. Ashley was slightly short but, has beautiful long legs. She has deeply tanned skin and her whole body is toned to perfection, not in the gross “that girl looks a man way” but, in the well-sculpted athlete way. Ashley was always the edgy rebel, she started getting tattoos when we were seniors in high school. She now has the typical lower back tattoo, a girly tribal with a heart in the center. Also the brunette has a red and black equestrian star of each side of her hips and to top it all off she has a small sparrow on her wrist. God her tattoos were so sexy, especially the ones on the hips. She always tells me she wants more, lord give me strength, I’ll need it. It didn’t help the fact that her typical attire was barely their clothes that showed off that gorgeous body. Her face was that of an angel, her lips looked like pillows, full and pouting. She is going to be so mad when she wakes up and finds out they took out her lip ring. Thankfully the piercing on the right side of her lip hadn’t grown up yet. Her features were pulled together by high cheek bones. However, one of her best features can’t be seen now, they are closed. Man, I wish she’d open her eyes and look at me, they are like warm chocolate and I melt every time I she looks at me. If you haven’t guessed already I’m gay, that’s right gay for a few years now but, no one really knows. Not even Ashley. Yeah, yeah I know you are wondering why is it I can’t tell my best friend. See the thing is she is the person I most want to tell but, cant because I’m in love with her! I can’t help it, I’ve tried so many times to tell her but, things would just keep coming up and I’d chicken out. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that Ashley was all that out of reach, see Ash has been out since we were fourteen. When she told me I wasn’t surprised really, I always sort of expected it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her, I was so afraid I’d lose her by telling her and that is one thing I couldn’t handle.