“Are you OK?” I questioned softly, I was getting worried now and I covered her hand where it rested on my face.

“Yeah,” she replied after a lengthy pause. “Things are good, just more than I’m used to dealing with.” She admitted quietly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I offered my help even though I wasn’t sure it was appropriate.

“Not much to say Spence,” she shrugged. “I can’t stay away from her,” she admitted, “but I can’t let go either.” Maggie murmured, “I can’t stop fighting it.” Her fingers moved to play with my hair. “I talked to Austin about it,” I nodded, Austin had mentioned that Maggie had been confiding in her. My friend was still a little stunned but very happy her sister was treating her more like an adult.“But she doesn’t understand Spence, she loves Annie but I don’t think she feels the connection we do,” her eyes closed and she tightened her hold, snuggling into my neck.

I knew she wasn’t talking about the connection between the two of us, but what she knew I felt for Ashley and what it seemed she felt for May. I thought about her words, there was no doubt that Austin and Annie were in love but I had to agree that I held doubt that it was as soul deep as what we had experienced. It didn’t make their love any less real or strong but it gave them a choice we didn’t have.

“You can’t fight forever, I’ve tried.” I began to speak but she gently pressed her hand over my mouth.

“For all you knew Ashley was never going to be in your life, May is here and whether I stay with her or not I’ll always have that memory, of the way it feels.” She stopped speaking and removed her hand, I held her but I was in shock.

“Why, why wouldn’t you want to be with her?” I whispered, just the thought of not being with Ashley crushed my heart.

“Because I’m scared Spencer, I’m so fucking scared.”

xxx

I clung to her and felt those strong arms wrap around me. Why was I telling her this? Because I needed to talk and the moment I’d seen her lounging in the doorway, as she had many times before, I longed to feel the safety of her strong arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe. Yes I know she’d hurt me in a way no other had or would but who else could I turn to? Like I’d just explained to Spencer, Austin couldn’t understand. Ashley? Ashley was still too emotionally unstable herself to be strong enough for me right now.