Chapter 14 – Forgiveness

            The scene from the night before repeated itself in my dreams, each time bringing a pang of remorse, a touch of conscience that should have kept me from swinging my hand in the first place. I had never hit anyone in my life. My eyes opened slowly, but I felt as if I’d been awake the whole night. The clock read 8:03 AM. First day of winter break, and here I was, lying awake at what was practically dawn.

            I peeled myself from the blankets, threw on a tee-shirt, and departed my room. The house was quiet – everyone was asleep, as they rightfully should be. Once in the living room, I plopped down onto the couch and flicked on the TV.

            About 10 minutes had passed and I realized that I had barely acknowledged the images that played across the screen. I was restless – my knee was bouncing, my hands were fidgety. Sitting still was not in the cards for me this morning. I ran to the kitchen and began to scribble onto a post-it.

            “Gone out for a run. Be back in a bit. – Spencer”

            Within a minute I was changed and out the door, my feet immediately pounding rhythmically against the sidewalk. The sun was peeking just above the horizon, and red rays of light painted the sidewalk beneath my feet. The air was a nice cool temperature, and I was happy to be outside. Running wasn’t something I did terribly often, but whenever I had things on my mind, it was a good vent. Only one thing was on my mind today, and that was Avery’s gaping stare. Normally Ashley would be on my mind as well, but this morning, my guilt drowned out all else. With each moment I thought of her face, my stomach contracted and twisted uncomfortably. I had caused that look of shock. By no means did I feel that Avery was right in what she said, but it didn’t warrant physical violence. I was very out of line. I shuddered, thinking of me doing something like that. I resented it when my mom slapped me all those years ago, and I resented it now. The heat of the moment was over, and the reality of what I did hit me full force.