I felt weaker than I ever had in my life. Even when I was drowning. I heard whispered voices, but nothing was clear. Every muscle in my body was dragged down by some invisible force. I couldn’t move a thing, and I thought I was in a coma.

Giving up on the attempts to move, or see, or even hear properly, I tried thinking properly. I couldn’t remember the last thing I’d seen, the last thing I’d done-why was I like this?? What had happened to me, to force me into this state??

I tried to clear through the fog in my mind-and silently thought-gasped. I saw Carlisle’s chalk-white face looming out of the darkness, staring at me, grinning, his black irises, devoid of the normal honey gold, staring into me, before he revealed a set of fangs, and plunged them into my hand.

I winced, and tried to scream, though I could make no sound. Apart from the terrible, terrifying pain, I couldn’t remember anything else. I don’t remember anyone saving me. No one coming, as before, to wrench the vampire away, before sucking the venom from my system.

But, wasn’t that kind of what I wanted?? To become a vampire??

But…

Was I dead?? Was that why I could feel nothing?? Had Carlisle (although it hurt me so much to think of him that way) emptied my veins??

How could Carlisle do that?? How could he attack me (as I’m sure he had), and then do such a thing?? Him, of the strongest resolve??

I couldn’t make it make sense. It was like (cliché, I know) pieces of a jigsaw, all jumbled. I couldn’t make them fit together-and in a way, I didn’t really want them to.

I relaxed, halting my thoughts, clearing my head. I wanted to know what being dead was really like. Where were those whispers coming from?? And what from?? What were they saying??

And what was I going to do for the rest of eternity??

I heard the slam of a door-although somewhat distantly, as though very far away. I heard a woman sobbing, hysterical, and others trying to comfort her and calm her down. It didn’t sound like it was working.

“B-B-Bella…oh, God, Bella…” The voices were getting sharper, and more distinct. I was shocked to hear my name, and to find that I recognized, somehow the voice, though I couldn’t place it. What kind of death was this?? I wanted some heaven.

Did this mean…that I have a soul?? I didn’t feel very spiritual. I feel more locked in flesh than ever. Just one more try…

I fought with the fatigue, and managed to slowly open my eyes. Naturally, the light hurt, and I had to blink, slowly, several times, to come to anywhere near a state of awareness.

I looked around the well-lit and whitewashed room, and discovered that I wasn’t, in fact, dead. Just lying in a hospital bed, still alive.

I heard shrieks, before a body crashed onto mine. The breath was knocked out of me, and I heard a strong, disapproving voice scold whoever it was.

And, it turned out to be Renee. I felt my heart swell as I looked at my mother-and then tears pricked my eyes as I saw the state of her. She looked terrified.

And then I remembered. The one person who I so desperately wanted to see. The one who I’d been separated from before, and the act of which almost killed me. He had to be here…

But he wasn’t. Had Edward abandoned me…

Again??