So. They had to do a blood transfusion, apparently. I had lost more than three quarters of my blood when I was brought in, and still more was leaving my veins. By rights I should be dead. But somehow, I managed to stay alive.

I was curious as to exactly what had happened to me. I knew Carlisle had broken, and not only injected the venom into my system, but went wild with lust, and feasted on my blood.

And yet, I was almost certain that I was still human. I had no thirst for blood-I felt thoroughly normal. Save the complete and utter exhaustion. Which left the question of who saved me, and how the venom was extracted from my system. If it had been left, then I would be a vampire now-a young vampire, strong, ruthless, and uncontrollable.

Which, at one point, I longed more than anything to be. Now-now, I was not so sure.

I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Everyone thought that Carlisle was strong. He had described to me himself about how he could not smell human blood anymore, or at least, only faintly, and it wasn’t tempting. I admired him, and wished to be as strong, as withstanding as him.

But, if the one thing that I could trust was blown to smithereens-well, so was my whole belief system. Even from my lonely hospital bed I looked at the world with a wary eye. Before I had sensed danger, and feared it. But now, I felt something altogether-something more to paranoia. I tensed every time someone approached, a slightest sound would make me jump. No one knew what had happened to me, and they decided I was traumatized by whatever it was.

And, for once, they were right.

Naturally, I had no idea where Carlisle was. He had disappeared, without a trace, it seemed. The hospital were completely distraught-they had lost their best doctor for the second time-now, for no good reason.

I thought, perhaps, that the others might visit. I envisioned them walking in through the door, heads hung in shame, and I would look into their eyes for confirmation of it all. I would be miserable, needless to say-but I’m sure we could have got over it. We would seek out Carlisle, and try to understand what went wrong.

And then me and Edward could go ahead with our plans.

But it seemed that that would never come to be. I had not heard a word from the Cullens. They had disappeared with Carlisle, and that pulled my heart down. They had all left, like they had once before-this time with no warning, no fake explanation.

And for a few days, I wallowed in that. I thought constantly of them, of ways I could make them come back, of ways I could track them down, and convince them that there was nothing wrong, that I didn’t hate them.

But…maybe, now, they hated me?? Maybe, my fiancé had turned his back on me because he couldn’t bear me. Despite all the promises, maybe they found being around a human too trying, too much of a risk. And that’s why they left.

Strangely, I accepted it easily. I knew that things moved on quickly, and that everything changed, whether you wanted it to or not. Obviously something in me had changed drastically, which meant that I was able to appreciate this, and, in turn move on.

I thought no further ahead than the white walls that surrounded me. I didn’t look forward, I didn’t hope. I became worse than the shell I was before-because there was nothing. There was no pain, there was no spark of life that cried out for him. I didn’t try with the act, and slowly, people stopped visiting me. Even Renee, my own mother, became less frequent in her trips. I couldn’t blame them. But, then again, I barely thought.

I was barely in existence.