And, so I continued my half existence. If I had any new thought, I would have quickly become bored. Each day was practically the same-though I remembered none of it. I was a complete zombie-I suppose I could have been literally described as the living dead-I was, literally though not medically, brain dead.

I couldn’t have imagined what it was doing to my mother.

I guess she now knew what it was like for Charlie, back when he left me. In a way, I was almost repeating what I was like. Except this time-I didn’t care so much. In fact, perhaps it was difficult for me to care at all. I might as well have been dead, for all I remembered, felt, or cared.

It was a bright autumn day in Jacksonville; and, as usual, I was inside sitting on my bed, staring at the drawn curtains. I took no notice of my mother, tip-toeing in towards the window. I didn’t flinch or move as she drew the curtains. Then, pulling my suitcase to about a metre away from me, she began to unpack the last of my belongings. She took her time, and I ignored the shining tears that rolled smoothly down her red-raw cheeks.

Suddenly, in a fit of emotion, she flung the suitcase onto the floor, and sprinted out of the room. I remained impassive-but slowly turning my head as something glinting in the sunlight caught my eye. Breaking my normal behaviour due to my curiosity, I pushed myself up off the bed, bending down to examine whatever it was. I moved slowly, as though I was trying not to startle myself.

Whatever it was felt small and cold in my hand; I could tell that a fair part of it was metal. I slowly unclenched my fist, drawing it up to my face, the better to see it, and so that the light would make it clearer.

I double over with a somewhat exaggerated gasp as I realised what it was, and a torrent of emotions flooded me.