22.11 Thursday

Again, Edward didn’t come. I had had a faint hope this would be the day we would explain everything to each other, but it looked like it would be impossible. I wasn’t going to phone him; in my opinion these kinds of things should be solved face to face. Maybe he didn’t want to know me any more?

You may think I would be the one not wanting to meet him, but it was quite the opposite. No matter how angry I was at him I was still very in love with him. And even if he killed hundreds of people for my sake, I probably still would. I doubt I could escape this feeling now…

I went to school by bus. Engrossed in my grim thoughts, I nearly missed my stop. All my class was in front of the school. It surprised me; I didn’t know about any trip.

“What’s going on?” I asked as I came to them.

The girls looked strangely at me. “Don’t you know? It’s the History teacher’s funeral today.”

“I wasn’t at school yesterday, I couldn’t know.” I reminded them. “Everyone from school is going there?”

“Of course not!” Joanne snorted. “There wouldn’t be enough space for so many people. Our class was told to go.”

I wondered why it was our class that was ordered to go to the funeral; we hadn’t even been the History teacher’s class. We went to the cemetery on foot. The funeral lasted exceptionally long. Many people wanted to say goodbye to the teacher for the last time with a formal speech; too many for my liking. Besides, these kind of ceremonies always used to bore me. When everybody was crying, I couldn’t.

After the ceremony ended, my classmates went in some direction; they had had to plan it earlier. Before I knew it, we were in the hospital. Isa! I thought. I overtook everyone and burst into the room as the first. What I saw froze me, though I had known what I should expect. However, Isa in a hospital… Somehow I couldn’t have imagined that.

It was so common; a pale body lying under a starched quilt. A clean bandage on her head, hair spilling on a pillow from underneath it. A calm sleeping face, slightly scratched. A drip’s pipe sticking from the bandaged hand. A common hospital picture, and I’d seen many people in hospital; even my mom and great-grandma. However, it was this sight that shocked me the most. I realized with great force that it was my fault that my best friend was lying there, unconscious. Sure, not only and not primarily, but this was enough.