Delusions

I felt like I’d been sleeping for a very long time–that I hadn’t moved in a very long time, too. For a moment I laid there, trying to remember why I felt cold and empty; why my throat burned like acid, and my body felt like a lump of lead. Then it all came back to me.

Me jumping off a cliff, falling into the water, loosing control and being swept under by the current. Hearing Edward’s voice in my head, seeing him. Then slipping under into the dream world I awoke from. Did that mean I was dead? Was I in heaven, or hell? These questions worried me, for if I was in hell, then why was I cold. And if I were dead, then was I dreaming? But then a new question came to me that I did not expect. Did it really matter, when all I’d lived for was gone, too?

No. It didn’t matter in the slightest, but…then again, maybe it did. Because maybe from heaven I could see him, watch him, take care of him like he had for so long. Just the thought of seeing him just once more gave me the strength I needed to blink open my eyes and see the world.

What I saw didn’t make sense. The sky was black, with no stars. Where were the stars? Surely from heaven you can see the stars!? Maybe I was in hell then.

I turned my head slightly and looked again. Weren’t hell’s walls supposed to be made of lava? Then why were there wood walls in my hell? Maybe I wasn’t in hell, after all!

I sighed and closed my eyes again. I searched for some strength in my body; some energy that had been stored. With a surprisingly great deal of effort, I moved my hand.

Immediately something cool touched my face. It was smooth and had a calming scent to it. Like only one other thing I’d ever smelled. But he wasn’t here. No. He was most definitely in heaven, if he was anywhere.

I’d just finished convincing myself that I was in hell, without him. When a velvety voice asked from right next to me.

“Are you awake?”

My eyes flew open. There was no use trying to deny that voice. And there he was, my angel. As beautiful and perfect as I’d ever imagined him. His bronze hair was tousled and sticking up in different directions, and his clothes looked slightly disheveled; yet he still looked like a god. I followed the line of his jaw with my eyes, memorizing every detail of his cheek, his nose, his lips…and then, his eyes.