Momma Can I Be…

“Momma, I want to be Vampire!”

“Huh… What? But you’re already a half a vampire!”

“But everyone still faster than me!”

“Most of them are faster than me!”

“But I want to be fast! Like Daddy!”

“No.”

“But, Momma! Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“But why? I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll be vegetarian, I swear.”

“I can hardly get you to eat your vegetables now! Or any other human food, for that matter”

“But human food is yucky and it doesn’t help me grow at all.”

“I don’t care, no. You’re just going to make do with being a half vampire, like all the other good half vampires in the world.”

“Which is all of eight!”

“Yeah and you’re going to be the good one.”

“But I don’t want to be slow! Even Jakes faster than me! It’s not fair. I promise I’ll be good! I won’t drink anyone’s blood and I promise not to get into any fights like the ones Daddy and Jake have at times… (Pause)… What do they fight about anyway?”

(Another pause)

“I’ll tell when you’re older.”

“How much older?”

“How bout we wait until after your seven ok, then we’ll explain things to you.”

“Ok… but I still won’t fight with Jake.”

“I can’t even imagine Jake fighting with you anyway; he’d deliberately lose if it ever did happen anyway. But apart from that, he’d be thrilled you don’t want to fight him, but still… no.”

“Fine!”

(Pause)

“Momma?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I be a Werewolf?”

“Huh… What?… Defiantly no!”

“But why not?”

“For one thing it’s impossible and for another I just can just see your father’s reaction to you turning into a giant wolf.”

“It’d be funny!”

“Hahaha…. No, it wouldn’t be. No!”

(Huff) “Fine.”

(Pause)

“Mommy?”

“What do you want to be this time?”

“Can I be a witch?”

(Pause, thinking) Didn’t see that one coming, but…

“Sure, be a Witch! Go turn your uncles into toads for me, okey day.”

“Ok! UNCLE EMMETT! UNCLE JASPER! I’m a witch and I’m going to turn you into toads.”

“Did you ask your Mom’s and Dad’s permission before you decided you wanted to turn your poor uncles into toads?”

“Yes, Momma suggested it too.”