JPOV

Here I am, lying in this same bed that I had so many nights before. It wasn't often that I couldn't sleep, but tonight was the night, I guess. Nessie was knocked-out, curled up on my chest, and I loosened my grip around her. I tried to untangle myself without waking her, but she woke up, only for a second.

'Go back to sleep, babe.' I whispered, and that's all it took, she was gone again.

I locked my hands behind my head, my favorite thinking position. It's hard to imagine that it wasn't that long ago when Bella was pregnant with her, and I was falling apart. Renesmee Cullen was anything but ordinary, and I guess our entire family fit the bill. Ness was about 11 now in human years, but she's been fully mature since she was 7, which is when our relationship started. I've been holding onto this for 11 years, and the passed 4 have been the hardest.

Back then when she was a baby, I was so confused. I was so torn over her mother, so in love, I would have done anything to move on from her and just finally be happy. Nessie was my supposed imprint. I loved her, but if they only knew. I had lied to everyone, even myself, for so long now. I spent a lot of time wishing it would just be true, but it just wasn't. I've felt so guilty.

Every now and then I wondered if my white lie would end up hurtful. That maybe, one day, I would really imprint and then where would that leave us? I tried not to think about that day. I dug this hole deep enough, and although deep down I knew that Nessie was not my true imprint, I loved her with all of my heart. I never wanted to hurt her, I never intended for a bad outcome. What a fucking idiot I am, right?

I had tried so hard to convince myself that my tiny lie would never come back to haunt me. That somehow I was tainted, and if I hadn't imprinted already, I wasn't going to, Alpha or not. For a while, it worked, but now I just can't help but think. I want to run away from here. I would rather make out with Blondie than tell Nessie the truth, for Christ's sake.