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    Time away

    Bette sat there, tapping her fingers, studying the calendar – 6 weeks – 42 days – 1,048 hours – this is the length of time she had to go without seeing Tina. Her plane was leaving tomorrow, 8pm, what was she going to do? She knew Tina needed time and space – but how much more?
    Bette had Tinas present in front of her – finally, she worked up the courage to call her. Bette Hey, Tina, how are you? Tina Im good and you? Their conversations always started out so polite, Bette wondered if they would ever get past that. Bette Im fine, listen, I know you are leaving tomorrow and was hoping you would be able to come over for dinner tonight? Tina Yes, I wanted to see you before I left, funny, I was just about to call you At least we are on the same page, Bette thought. Bette ok, how about 7pm? Tina See you then Bette bye
    Bette made sure she was out of work by 5pm, she wanted to look her best when Tina came, knowing this would be their last meeting for a long time. Tina, too, was nervous, she picked her clothes very carefully, like she was a teenager again.
    When Tina arrived, she was in awe, the house was full of red, white and yellow roses. Bette looked stunning, in her white pant suit, which was a little big now, due to the fact that she had lost weight. Bette thought Tina was beautiful, in her blue dress and sandals – her hair was curly now and getting longer.
    As they sat and ate, small talk ensued for a while between the two of them. Bette was anxious about approaching a serious subject, so she avoided it for a little while longer. Bette Tina, I bought something for you and she gave Tina the present, wrapped in gold ribbons. Tina was in shock, and, as she opened it, her eyes began to glisten with tears. It was a Cameo music box with Beth Nielsen Chapmans Down on my Knees Sometimes you wonder how much I care. I get so distracted running nowhere and I take for granted our love is secure, but if I started losing you, one thing is sure Id be down on my knees, ready to pray, Darling, down on my knees, Making you stay, Id be begging you please dont take your love from me Id be down on my knees. I learned to be strong a long time ago and I can face any wind no matter how hard it blows, but Id have to be stronger than Id want to be if I had to live without you loving me (Chorus) No one matters more in my life or makes me feel like you make me feel inside and Ive come fare enough to know Loves worth never letting go of and love is not a matter of pride (Chorus)
    Tina just stared as she listened, the song had significant meaning for both of them, it was so telling of their feelings for one another and where they were, emotionally. Bette, taking Tinas hand, Do you like it? Tina God, I love it then a long pause. Bette, knowing she needed to speak now or have to wait 6 more weeks, finally said Tina, I dont want to put any pressure on you, but I was wondering what you were thinking in terms of us? This void, this ambiguity, this distance between you and I is so hard for me to take. I cant even imagine what you are feeling, I am just so unhappy without you Tina Ive thought of nothing else since I left, Bette. I know how sorry you are and I have seen all the changes you have made, it hasnt gone unnoticed. Im just not sure what I want right now Bette Tina, do you still love me? Bette didnt have the courage to look up, she was crying again. Tina got up and knelt at Bettes knee, taking her face within her hands.
    Tina I have never stopped loving you, not for a minute, despite all my anger and deep feelings of betrayal, I have always loved you. Thats why Im here, because Im trying. I want us to work on our relationship, I just need time to get myself to a place where I feel comfortable with you, where I can trust you
    Bette didnt know what to say, she knew she had destroyed that foundation of trust and it was presumptuous of her to think it could be fixed after only a couple of months, when it took 7 years to build. Bette ok, Tina, we will go at your pace Tina Bette, you are the Love of my Life – I have never felt this way about anyone before and I know I never will again. Please, be patient with me. I promise you Im not going anywhere, Im not looking for anyone – I just want to find my way home. Bette believed what Tina said, she could feel Tinas sincerity, her strength, in her hands. Bette realized that Tina had changed, she had become a much stronger person, not so willing to fall under her spell, and she was going to go at her own pace.
    Bettes biggest fear was that as Tina changed, her feeling might also. Bette was plagued with doubts, despite what Tina had just said, trying to convince herself that it was true. But what could she do? Tina was worth the wait, and she would wait, for as long as it took.
    Tina then reached in and kissed Bette passionately, sliding her tongue into her mouth and pulling her so close to her, barely giving Bette a chance to breath. Bette felt so overcome by desire, she kissed Tina back and they both stood up. Bette was now up against the wall. Tina was in control of her, Bette felt it, both physically and emotionally, all she wanted to do was to surrender herself to Tina love.
    As Tina deepened their kiss, her hands began to travel around Bettes body. First, caressing her neck and then each breast, holding each one for a moment, she heard Bette gasp. Then her hands reached down to touch her stomach and then up and down Bettes back.
    Then, without warning, Tinas own demons began to rise up within her. The demons of doubt, insecurity and jealousy. Images of Candace and Bette being intimate at the opening of Provocations, other images of them, and how they must have been when they made love, Bettes distance from her, and then, the last image, her and Bettes last physical encounter, which was so violent and so raw – nothing that represented the love Tina was trying to rekindle.
    At that moment, Tina broke away from Bette, covering her mouth to stop from crying, which she couldnt prevent, her tears streaming down her face, her voice barely audible Bette, Im sorry, I cant do this Bette tried to move towards her, to hold her, all she wanted to do was to recapture their last moment. Tina Bette, dont, please dont Bettes tears, by this time, were also streaming, she cried out Tina!. But to no avail, Tina had picked up her coat and ran out of the house. Bette sank onto the floor, the music box still playing.


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