Marina sat in the middle of her cafe, fingers crossed on the table in front of her. She sat in the corner of the shop, its darkened shadows etched along the side of her face. She trailed her knuckles across the slick surface, faintly swirling her fingertip in a brownish drop of coffee that had spilled from her cup. A square napkin quietly waited to absorb the mess, but she didn’t feel like wiping it against her half of the table. So she didn’t.

She just sat there thinking about how things were evolving in her life, constantly changing. She briefly thought of Francesca and had the urge to let a bitter laugh escape from her lips, but quickly squashed it. It wasn’t good to chuckle at herself, it was simply too weird to process. Or was it?

Sighing deeply, she soon let her mind wander to Jenny. She couldn’t think of Francesca without thoughts of Jenny popping through her skull. She thought of Jenny’s nimble fingers wrapped in hers, squeezing and pulling moans from the smaller woman’s mouth with her heated kiss, the way Jenny’s body deliciously squirmed beneath hers when they fucked. The memory of it brought an unwelcomed flush to Marina’s cheeks.

*****. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Why was she still thinking of Jenny? The same girl whose naiviety and innocence stunned Marina when they first met, the same girl who had Marina tossing wine into Francesca’s open suitcase, a simple flick of her wrist ending the only relationship she thought had really meant something. And now she had nothing.

Well, she had herself.

But just being in her skin somehow began to hurt, like it just wasn’t the same. Her old skin didn’t fit anymore, she had stretched it until it broke. She didn’t want her old life returned to her in an old box, complete with a grimy ribbon. What sort of gift was that?

She wanted Jenny. Wanted to babble on about their favourite authors and passages in books that she wasn’t willing to consider anyone else knowing about. Wanted to frantically apologize to Jenny for the way she acted, the way she held things back from her. Wanted to hold Jenny in her bed and promise her things that she could actually fulfill.

But Jenny wouldn’t even look at her. Marina had seen her walking past the cafe, their eyes meeting in a blaze of color before the younger woman turned and quickly crossed the street. Cursing softly, Marina had turned away from the window, choosing to instead focus on something, anything else that didn’t involve Jenny.

But that was earlier in the week. Now Marina sat in the back of the room, chin absently resting on the back of her hand, propped up on her left elbow. She had nothing to go home to except an empty apartment, the walls somehow colder without the warmth of shared passion to fill the space.

She would finish up her paperwork here instead, reordering things she thought needed to be replenished, but they didn’t really. Anything to fill up her time. She was on the last page when the bell over the entrance chimed its strange symphony. Where was Claude? He said he’d return in a few minutes to lock-up. Hadn’t he flipped the door’s ‘Closed’ sign to face outward?

“I’m sorry, but we’re closed. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.” Marina said, raising her voice a bit to project her words.

“Is that so?”

Marina stood up from her chair, her body stiffening as she immediately recognized who the voice belonged to.

Jenny’s figure split through the darkness like a roaring chainsaw, and Marina stood there and silently welcomed it. Marina’s eyes glazed over the more she looked at the younger woman, the way the v-neck t-shirt fell across the contours of Jenny’s body, the way the dark denim caressed her slim hips.

Black hair fell past Jenny’s shoulders, her long bangs adamently touching milky cheekbones. Aqua eyes timidly peered into Marina’s as the smaller woman sat down across from her, shifty gaze slicing through the room. She laughed hesistantly.

“Are you going to sit down? I don’t think I want you hovering over me for the rest of the night.”

Marina breathed, closed her eyes and slid back into her seat, suddenly very nervous. Why was that? Jenny never made her nervous before, so why the sudden theatrics? Pull it together, Marina.

She suddenly found the strength she was looking for and confidently gazed at Jenny, fighting to conform her mouth into saying all the things that she wanted to be said.

“Jenny…”

“Don’t say my name like that,” Jenny hissed quietly, her voice betraying her as it cracked, “like you’re going to right the wrongs. I don’t want to hear you apologize and neither do you.”

Marina couldn’t say she was surprised at the bitterness seeping from Jenny’s throat, but she was hurt by it. That part she couldn’t deny. “Look, I won’t lie to you, I fucked things over for us. I should have never let Francesca invite you over for dinner, that was wrong.”

Jenny blinked at her. “Really? Was it? Because I thought you actually enjoyed trading disturbing little tales of ***** girls and breaking their hearts. How do those conversations come about anyway? Hi honey, I met this chick named Jenny and gave her amazing head, lies, and false impressions. How was your day?”

Marina laughed in spite of herself. She laughed until her own chuckle betrayed her in their deafening portrayal of sadness. Jenny’s expression tore through her. She sighed.

“I never meant to hurt you, Jenny.”

The younger woman just looked at her for what seemed like forever. They didn’t move, didn’t speak. Their eyes locked in a wrestle of intense emotion until finally, Marina looked away, her eyes threatening to spill her secrets.

She wouldn’t cry in front of Jenny.

She frantically grabbed her stack of paperwork from the tabletop, pushing to her feet. She never felt like this. This desperate need to be anywhere else but here. Marina leaned down and gently ran the side of her palm across Jenny’s jawline, her long fingers curling slightly when they reached the smaller woman’s neck. It was shocking how much she wanted Jenny in this moment. Just to have her.

“I’m sorry, I need to get home. It’s good to see you again, Jenny.”

She immediately dropped her hand, starting to turn and walk away before Jenny’s fingers reached out and grasped hers, fingernails digging into Marina’s flesh.

Jenny’s gaze hotly flickered up to hers, her throat working softly. “Francesca waiting for you, huh?”

Marina smiled sadly. “Francesca? I do not know where she is and I do not care. We are no longer together. Goodnight, Jenny.”

With that, she left the cafe in a breeze of heat. She never remembered opening and closing the cafe door behind her.

She had left Jenny by herself.

Again.

She suddenly hated herself for caring, for feeling everything there was to feel about the other woman. Things weren’t supposed to be this way, but they were. What could she do? Starting her car with a forceful jam of the key, she tapped the brake, reversed, and sped out of her parking space, zooming into the starry night.


^^^^^^^^^^^^


The room was suddenly warmer than Marina had ever remembered it could be. She flipped over onto her stomach, cheek buried against the pillow as she clumsily ran a hand through her curls. She couldn’t get Jenny out of her head.

It had been months since the last time they’d been together in this very same bed, but she swore she could still smell Jenny all over the sheets. That was impossible, since she’d washed them so many times since then. The strong detergent transformed the rich blue colour into a pale cornflower, and still, she wouldn’t sleep on anything else.

It wasn’t like she didn’t have more. There were shelves full of expensive linen that Francesca insisted upon having, flat rectangles of egyptian cotton stacked to the heavens just behind a closet door.

She tugged at the wrinkled corner of the thin white tank top covering her upper half, the soft material clinging to her nipples like sticky bandages. It was too hot to rest.

In a huff, she tossed the sheets aside and stepped to the floor, reveling in the sensation of her bare feet stroking the cool wood as she walked downstairs. As she was walking to the kitchen, she stopped and glanced over at the gigantic picture window in the middle of the living room. Jenny was standing in front of it with a bottle of wine in her hand, her face solemn and expressive.

*****.

Marina simply wasn’t expecting it.

At all.

Still, Marina smiled and motioned towards the door, fingers clicking open the locks. She opened the door for Jenny and instantly moved to the side, allowing the younger woman to step inside.

“I thought I’d bring you a replacement,” Jenny murmured, holding up the amber glass as she lightly chewed her lower lip, “You know, for breaking the first one I brought over.”

“I remember.” Marina said softly, taking the bottle from Jenny’s hand without another word. She didn’t dare look at the smaller woman, out of fear. She didn’t want to say anything stupid or unnecessary, so she simply kept her mouth shut.

She strolled over to the kitchen area, watching Jenny sit down on the couch as she dragged two glasses and a corkscrew out of the cabinet, sticking to silence as closely as possible.

She sat next to Jenny and popped the cork, delicately pouring the burgundy liquid. Marina handed the woman her glass and quickly took to her own, drowning her tongue in the alcohol. They sat like that for awhile, not really saying anything of substance and neither of them craving the words that were sure to follow. Jenny was the first to break the quiet, her voice thick with confusion and sorrow.

“What do you want from me, Marina?”

Marina peered over the brim of her glass, lips slick. “What do you want me to give you, Jenny?”

“Sometimes.. sometimes I think I want you and sometimes.. I just don’t know.”

Jenny breathed into her wine, taking a healthy gulp before putting her glass down, silently thanking the fermented liquid for helping her feel more relaxed and sure of herself. “I can’t go back to being dismissed, Marina. I don’t want to be that girl that you briefly take off the shelf only to whet your appetite. I can’t be that person anymore, Marina. I just can’t.”

Marina could feel the weight of Jenny’s words and she knew how tired Jenny was, how much she had truly hurt her. Marina looked at her with all the longing in the world, thrusting it into her eyes until she was sure that the only thing Jenny could see was the truth. “I don’t want that for you either, Jenny.”

“You know,” Jenny sighed deeply, not knowing if she could get the words out without her voice shaking, “I believed you when you said you could fall in love with me. I thought you were so sincere. I realize know that I was impossibly stupid for accepting that.”

“I won’t apologize for something that I truly meant, Jenny.” Marina said, her husky voice growing even deeper as she parted her lips to expell the words.

Eyes sparkling with newfound mirth, Jenny reached over and plucked the glass from Marina’s fingers, gently brushing her hand against the taller woman’s. Before she knew what was happening, she pressed her mouth to Marina’s in a soft pout, suckling at the corner of her lips. Jenny nuzzled her mouth against Marina’s until she moaned softly, pausing to rest her cheek against the other woman’s. Marina’s teeth expertly found their way to the nape of Jenny’s neck, sinking and dragging themselves against Jenny’s throbbing pulse.

“Let me take you upstairs, Jenny.” Marina sighed against Jenny, her nose buried in the smaller woman’s hair as her arms wound their way around Jenny’s hips.

She was almost trembling with need, she wanted to have the girl in her bed almost too badly. She wanted Jenny’s moans only for herself, completing her innermost cravings.

“Yes.” Jenny weakly replied, raw passion dancing in her eyes like a moth bouncing beside a flame. She was suddenly burning hot, her lips sewn against Marina’s as she heatedly sucked at the woman’s tongue. She took Marina’s hand and followed her upstairs, and that was that.

Her world swam through a tunnel of colours. The brightest greens, purples, and oranges clouded her vision like someone had squeezed juice into her eyes. Her fingers were wildly tangled in Jenny’s hair, sweet onyx waves flung across her face in a cloud of scent.

Her own hair was messily puddled against the sheets, her nipples aching with the reddish bruises of Jenny’s nibbled kisses. Her ***** felt heavy, full against the brunette’s squeezing palm. Jenny’s slick thighs wrapped around Marina’s waist, tugging her body deeper, closer.

She gasped when she felt the woman’s tongue brush against her stomach, dipping inside her belly button with a wet swirl. Jenny’s tongue was toying with her *****, toying with her mind. She came with a shudder, fully blossomed lust exploding within.

And then Jenny was above Marina, her mouth viciously pressed between her lover’s legs. She made love to her with everything she had, and even tried to give everything that she didn’t. Jenny’s release was the sweetest thing she had ever owned. And she manipulated and prolonged her ***** with tender skill, loving to hear the sound of her name hanging in the air.

When both had stilled, Jenny was sitting in Marina’s lap, her sweaty forehead pressed into the curve of Marina’s shoulder. The smaller woman soon began to stir, moving to slide away from the warm embrace. Marina pulled her closer, tighter.

“Stay with me, Jenny.”

“For how long?” Jenny murmured softly, her brain hazy with reawakening passion. Her eyes widened in surprise when Marina’s mouth once again enveloped her own, her lover’s nails filling the small hollow of her lower back.

Marina slightly pulled back to intensely stare into Jenny’s gaze, her own eyes foggy with desire and affection. She took Jenny’s hand into her own, reassuring her with a squeeze of her fingers. Marina didn’t know as much as she liked to think she did, but she knew that she never wanted this to end. She wouldn’t allow it.

So she said the first thing that came to her mind.

“Awhile.”