Chapter 8

How long were the two of you together?

Almost two months.

You were obviously sexually compatible. Hey… Im not asking for details. Im only making a statement.

Alice, Marina sighed, I cant explain to you… how I felt when I was with her. Let me ask you something, have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and thought of the person youre involved with?

Of course I have. Who hasnt?

I want you to think about this then. There – in your case – he or she is, a phone call away, all you have to do is pick up the phone and dial. I didnt have that luxury with Lena. I couldnt talk to her whenever I wanted – we couldnt plan weekend trips. Each minute we shared had to be enough until we saw each other again. There were times when she couldnt get away – those were the worse days Id ever experienced in my life Alice.

You had it bad didnt you.

I didnt know what I had, Marina replied honestly.

You know what, lets get some air. Im feeling cramped all of a sudden.

Marina thought about it, they had been cooped up in her office for the last two hours. All right.

Great. Ill meet you outside. Alice grabbed her bag and left the office. By the time Marina had stepped out, she was already waiting for her in her car.

Where are we going? Marina asked as Alice pulled into traffic.

Does it matter?

I suppose not, Marina replied once she thought about it.

Were you in love with her?

I was twenty-two years old. To my estimation I had fallen in love at least three times already. I was infatuated with her. I couldnt get her out of my mind, I was miserable without her.

Thats not an answer, Alice said quickly glancing at Marina before returning her attention to LAs infamous evening traffic.

It was the only answer I had at the time…

And now?

Hopelessly.

I figured as much.

Alice, where are we going?

Hmm… oh, Culver City.

Why Culver City?

I had a friend who used to live there, Alice explained as she turned onto Overland Ave.

And?

We are going to Dr. Paul Carlsons Tree Park. Its smaller than Vets, Alice pointed out as she drove past it and made a left on Braddock Drive. And I thought a quiet walk would be in order.

You amaze me at times Alice.

Alice smiled as she continued driving. There was more to the story and she wanted to hear it all.

* * *

Yes Mom… Im fine, Bianca answered curtly into her cell phone.

Lena had left the bedroom giving Bianca her privacy. Of course the phone rang as Bianca was about to…

What? Make love to you? Lena asked herself out loud.

Were they ready? Or had Marinas presence prompted Biancas advances?

Yes, they had been kissing more frequently, passionately as of late. However it didnt mean that Bianca was ready – let alone willing to take the next step. There hadnt been any other indication that she wanted to and Lena could only follow Biancas signals. She wasnt going to do anything that Bianca didnt want; she wouldnt force herself on her, unlike her best friend Maggie.

Every time she thought about how Maggie had kissed Bianca, her blood boiled. The way Bianca had explained it the kiss was completely out of the blue and unwanted.

How many times had she and Maggie discussed Maggies growing obsession with Bianca? It was only a matter of time before something like this happened. It angered her when Bianca finally told her.

Why had she waited so long? Was she ever going to? What other secrets was she keeping from her?

Of course she could not keep her self-righteous rant going for very long, not when Bianca very calmly said two words: Suicide attempt.

Why must their lives be fraught with such anguish?

No Mother, I havent changed my mind, Lena heard Bianca say.

Erica must have brought up adoption again. She had not accepted the baby – as much as Bianca had hoped. Lena worried that Erica never would. It had driven a huge wedge between mother and daughter.

Lena knew the longer the situation went the less time thered be for reconciling it. She knew how much Bianca loved her mother, but this was one thing Bianca would never change her mind about. Bianca would never give Miranda up and unlike Erica, she… they would shower Miranda with all the love a child could stand.

Erica simply couldnt get around it and the phone calls had begun to add friction to their trip. There had been nights on their trip when Bianca had woken up screaming. At first, logically, Lena had thought Bianca was dreaming of Michael.

Bianca had assured her that it wasnt the case – in fact she had not thought about him since the conclusion of the trial.

In Lenas mind, that left only one person who could possibly cause Bianca so much distress that she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night: Erica.

Lena had blamed herself for the longest until she had spoken to her therapist about the situation. How she thought she had been too wrapped up in Bianca, Miranda and to some extent, Maggie, that she hadnt notice Ericas standoffish behavior where the baby was concerned.

You cant notice everything Lena, Melissa, her therapist had said. You were still trying to figure out where your relationship with Bianca was going, not to mention being supportive of her during her sisters trial, among other things. You had a full plate.

I should have seen it…

What if you had? How could you have changed the outcome?

What could she have done?

Lena, as much as you hate to admit it, this is between Erica and Bianca. Theyll have to settle this themselves.

But I want to help…

Of course you do. We always want to help our loved ones when theyre in pain or trouble. Just do what you have been.

And whats that?

Be there for her. Dont try to take her problems solely on yourself. Bianca is a grown woman with a child on the way. Youve told me before how you wished Erica would see Bianca as the woman shes become. Not as the child she once was. And as much as she might appreciate the gesture now – down the road, it may affect your relationship.

I think I understand, Lena had answered. If I continue to fix her problems – she may believe that I dont think shes capable of making her own decisions. Id be treating her exactly like Erica… she trailed off.

When are you two leaving again?

In two days.

You know you can call me, but I dont think Ill hear from you unless its to tell me about the weather, Melissa said smiling. Have a great trip.

Thank you. I have a feeling its going to be a memorable one.

Lena?

Hmm.

Are you okay? Bianca asked. She had entered the room after hanging up with her mother only to find Lena standing in the middle of the room with a far off look on her face.

Im fine. I was thinking about something Melissa had told me. How are you doing?

Bianca rolled her eyes.

I take it the conversation was the same? No change?

Biancas chin trembled as she fought the tears that always seemed to occur after speaking with her mother.

Shaking her head, Lena took Bianca into her arms and led her to the couch. Kissing the top of her head, they sat down, Its okay to let them out.

They sat together for half an hour before Bianca finally spoke. Im sorry Mother spoiled the mood earlier, she grumbled.

Sweetheart, I need to ask you a question.

All right.

Earlier – before Ericas untimely interruption – what exactly were your intentions?

Pulling back so she could look into Lenas face, Bianca reached out and caressed her cheek. I wanna say something silly – to ease the situation here, but you deserve more than that.

I appreciate that darling – so, youll tell me?

Here goes. Lena, these past two weeks have meant more to me than you can possibly imagine. Being with you – watching you go about your daily routine made me see how much I missed out on when I pushed you away. I want to sit across the table from you every morning and watch you read the paper front to back, while you drink your coffee. I love to watch your face light up when I surprise you with a candy bar – milk chocolate with peanuts of course – absolutely no coconut. Bianca grinned.

Lena blushed.

I understand now, how you must have felt… still feel when you put me… us, she said as she placed her hand on her belly, ahead of everyone else in your life, with the exception of your mother. Ive done the same for Miranda. I love how you talk to her when you think Im sleeping. Her first words will probably be in Polish. Bianca noticed Lenas blush getting redder. I havent said anything cause I didnt want you to stop. I want her to recognize your voice. I need her to know who you are. I… umm… I… cant imagine how hard its been for you to hold back… when weve kissed. I can see the desire – the passion in your eyes.

Lena gazed deeply into Biancas, I would never force my affections on you Bianca… you must know that, Lena stressed.

I do and I love you more than I ever thought possible, Bianca smiled. I want you to understand something, know this to be the absolute truth, know it in your heart, she said using Lenas words. I… uh… I had already made plans to seduce you…

Lenas eyebrows and heart rate rose.

Its true, Bianca told her, enthusiastically nodding her head. Besides the fact that youre the hottest woman Ive ever known, which would make me the luckiest in the world, she chuckled, I felt the time was right. I… I want to make love with you Lena. Im as ready as Ive ever been. There are no doubts in my mind – you… you wont hurt Miranda, Bianca ducked her head shyly, I checked with the doctor before we left. I wanted to make sure it was okay, looking up, she took Lenas hands in hers, brought them to her lips and kissed them both. I know the moment I thought it was getting to be too much – if I couldnt handle it – all Id have to say is stop, and you would, she said in all seriousness.

In a heartbeat… Lena reassured.

Bianca continued to caress the back of Lenas hands, as she gazed into Lenas eyes. Originally, this is where my reasons ended.

I dont understand?

All the reasons I gave you, theyre great and everything, but now I have another. I need you to know this has nothing to do with Marina, Bianca said as she held tight to Lenas hands. I wont have you thinking in the back of your mind that Im doing this to prove something. We belong together, she stressed. Weve been through ***** – but were still here. Im not going to lie to you and say Im not jealous – I mean look at her… let me finish, please? Thank you, Bianca said when it looked as if Lena was going to interrupt. Shes a gorgeous woman and I can only imagine if she looks like this now, she must have been stunning when she was younger. The thing is, she paused, that was then and its her loss and I wont make the same mistake again – ever. Lena, you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Lena quickly brought Bianca into her arms, Youve thought of everything, havent you? she whispered, her throat tight, amazed that Bianca had touched upon the very questions she would have asked.

Not everything, she confessed.

Lena pulled back slightly. Oh no?

I didnt figure on Mom calling when she did, Bianca said sulking.

Lena couldnt help herself and started laughing.

Its not funny.

Of course not Sweetheart, she answered her body still shaking.

Lena…

Im sorry my Darling – truly I am, Lena said after getting her laughter under control. But it was fortuitous for us that she did call at that moment, rather than later.

I guess… Im still pissed off…

Ah. Lena held a finger up.

Bianca sighed, Not in front of Miranda.

Gathering Bianca into her arms again and lying back on the couch, Lena kissed her and said, We have plenty of time and when the moment is right – well know it. I promise you.

Ill hold you to that.