BETTES SIDE

It didnt happen. It couldnt have. I am not that stupid. I can fix this. I have to fix this. I cant live without her. What the ***** went wrong? Bettes thoughts raced through her mind a mile a minute as she tried to comprehend what just happened with Tina. All that she knew to be good and safe in her life was shattered in a heartbeat as she recalled the previous events of the night. She remembered Tina slapping her then shoving Tina facedown on their bed. She remembered the yelling and the hitting, but most of all she remembered how out of control everything was.

She remembered Tina grabbing her hand and forcing her inside. She remembered feeling as though she would explode. But it wasnt the elated, lusty, loving, caring, excited kind of explosion. No, it was the gut wrenching, heart-breaking, Im-going-insane kind of explosion. We do crazy things when we think were about to lose someone we love. Bette remembered saying this to Tim just a few months ago but she had never imagined she would fully understand their meaning.

Bette began to grow uneasy as she realized it had been a few hours since Tina left and she had no idea where she was. Who could she have gone to? Alice? Dana? Shane? Bette felt as though her world was gone and she was living in a nightmare. All of the things she believed in were gone and Bette knew it was her fault. Bette needed solace from her current state of mind but she didnt know what to do. She wasnt sure if the rest of the group knew about what just happened, although she doubted it since it had only been a few hours and it was late.

Bette reached for the phone but stopped when she realized the person she was going to call was Tina. Tina was always the first person Bette called no matter what. Tina was the first person she called when her trip to Santa Barbara to try and persuade Peggy Peabody to give her Provocations had gone unsuccessfully, and later when Peggy showed up at the CAC and announced that it was. Tina was the first person she called when she was stressed about something or if she had a bad day or if she just wanted to hear her voice before falling asleep. Well, Tina USED to be the person she called. Lately, Bette realized, she hadnt called her very often. Bette used to call Tina just to say hello or to tell her that she loved her, but Bette also realized this had become infrequent as well.

Sighing, Bette put the phone back and leaned against the wall. Her cell phone started buzzing but after seeing Alices number on the caller ID she let it go to voicemail. She didnt know if Alice knew and she didnt think she could tell her without either breaking down completely or getting into a major fight her. After her phone stopped vibrating she checked the message and almost dropped the phone after what she heard.

Bette, its Tina. Im here at Alices place. I just called to tell you where I was and to give me space. I dont know is going on right now but I know I need time. Ill call you in a week to see where we are.

Bette looked at the phone in disbelief and thought she had heard incorrectly. She replayed the message a few times and every time she heard Tinas voice crack with emotion Bettes heart broke a little bit more.


TINAS SIDE

Tina sat on Alices couch in complete darkness staring at nothing. Why would she do this? Why did she do this? What did she see in her? What did she not see in me? Tinas thoughts were racing through her mind but nothing seemed to make sense. She didnt have any answers and frankly, she didnt believe the ones she did have. Tina felt numb as she sat there trying to figure out what happened with Bette back at the house and how it got to that point.

Of all the things that happened that night, the one thing that stuck out in Tinas mind was how easily Bette admitted to it. All it took was Tina saying she saw it for Bette to apologize. She did it so automatically, like a robot. She didnt lie, she didnt deny it, she didnt do anything. Bette had been Bette, trying to calmly control an out of control situation, and Tina both hated and loved her for it.

I am so confused thought Tina as she felt a swell of emotions running through her body. I could kill Bette. I could kill Candace. *****, I could kill them both. Coherent thought was nowhere in sight as Tina tried to sort out her emotions. I could kill myself for not seeing the signs. They were there. Not just with her, but before that too. Tears flowed from Tinas eyes, but she did nothing to stop them. Deep down I know its not all her fault. ***** that. It is her fault. Tina didnt know what she was going to do but all she knew was at that moment she was so confused and hurt that she couldnt see straight.

Alice came home an hour later to find Tina sitting in the same position on the couch. She had broken down when Alice came home, but after sitting with her for a while Tina felt slightly steadier emotionally. Tina knew that Bette would be worried about her so she agreed to make one call to Bette to tell her where she was. She didnt want Alice to call because she didnt want Alice and Bette getting into a fight with her listening on one end. Tina called Bettes cell but didnt get an answer so she left a message for her.

Bette, its Tina. Im here at Alices place. I just called to tell you where I was and to give me space. I dont know is going on right now but I know I need time. Ill call you in a week to see where we are.

Tina hung up not knowing if she felt better or worse. All kinds of thoughts about why Bette didnt pick up her cell ran through Tinas mind but she pushed them all away. As she sat there on the couch in Alices arms she felt as though her life had been taken from her. Emotionally spent, Tina finally drifted off to sleep hoping against hope that when she woke up she would realize it was all a nightmare.