Bette called Alice again. She wanted to know about Tina, wanted to know where she was, desperation was getting into her and she didnt know what to do.
She was feeling neglected, she was feeling lonely and she was getting angry again. She was angry to realize that after all, life was not always about her. She was realizing that her friends had their own life, that she was not their priority, and realizing all that made her missed Tina even more. She was getting to the point, she thought. That damn therapist!.

She was finally seeing clearly how much she took Tina for granted. Tina was always there for her, for her doubts, her needs, her changing moods. She realized how bad she treated Tina, how insensitive she was. She was starting to see how many times she made Tina feel guilty so shed do what she really wanted her to do. She remembered the trip to New York, how much she wanted Tina to go, but she realized that she wanted Tina to go, just so she wouldnt be alone, just to have her at her side, to have her in case shed need her. It never occurred to her that she should have wanted Tina on that trip because she knew shed have a great time, because Tina loved New York . She remembered how touched Tina felt by the small gesture of seeing her name in the invitation, not the usual Bette Porter and guest . She didnt think about all that then. But now, as a cold shower she was seeing it all.
She knew Tina didnt need the attention on herself, she didnt need to be the protagonist, she didnt need much. She was realizing, remembering, that the only thing that Tina ever needed was a small gesture, like the call she made to Al asking her to look after Tina, Alice told her how much it moved Tina to know.
Tina didnt ask for diamonds but a simple sweet note on the fridge from her could make Tinas day. She knew Tina cared for those small meaningful things… a tender touch, a sweet smile, a playful punch, or a daisy at the breakfast table. She knew she was into practical gifts if only because when Tina gave something to somebody it was always after working on it, after putting all her thoughts and emotions into the gift. Tina was not into praising lightly, all her actions were meaningful. Shed be playful but not with emotions.

Bette realized, after talking with Alice that she needed to talk with Tina but as she didnt know where to find her she decided to write her an email. That way, she could say what she really wanted to say without Tina interrupting her.


Shane was helping Tina to clean the dishes after dinner. She could not help but realized how tanned Tina was just after those few days at the lake. Her hair was lighter and she was looking great. She smiled to herself thinking how well it felt to see her friend getting better.

Tina didnt have to look at Shane to know she was smiling, she could feel it. Shanes body always relaxed when she was smiling and Tina could feel it.

What are you smiling at?. She was finishing with the coffee cups and after putting the last one away, she took a small amount of water and stabbed Shane with it. She didnt expect it so the look on her face was priceless.

hey!

Tina laughed while turning the water off. She moved to the fridge and taking a bottle of water turn facing Shane.

Will you come with me for a walk?
Sure

Tina wanted to talk with her. Wanted to tell her about what she talked with Dana, wanted to know how Shane was. But that afternoon at the hammock she couldnt make it. Something inside of her stop her.

They were walking in silence. Shane was enjoying every moment of it, just walking with Tina, enjoying her company, with no worries, no games. The night was clear and the sky was full of stars so the moment Tina stopped and turn to face Shane, she knew, by the look in her eyes that something was up.

Shane, I dont know how to say this

Shane looked at Tina.This time she was sure that she knew her secret, that she was going to talk about it all and that she was going to have to tell her the truth, she could never lie to Tina.
She looked at Tina sighing deeply .

Just say it, at the end is always the best

That simple answer made Tina smile, she was Yoda, as Alice once pointed out.

Ok, but first let me just say that I didnt want to intrude. It might be not my bussinnes but you know”

Shane could see that Tina was having trouble putting into words what she had in mind. She started walking again, and Tina followed. It was much easier to talk not looking at each others eyes.

Shane you know I was worried about you. You know I care for you, I know I wasnt there for you when all the happened. I know, and I regret it now but I think that I know how to help you now.

Shane was not following what Tina was saying, she had no idea what she was talking about.

what?… what are you talking about T
Oh, ok (Tina took a small piece of wood from the road, she needed something in her hands to make them stop shaking, she didnt know what to do with them, suddenly they felt so big).
Come on, T. Just say it

Shane was walking with her hands in her jeans pockets.

Shane , I talked with Dana about you (Shane stopped walking and looked at Tina with a strange look in her eyes, but she just stared at her, not saying anything), I know, I know that maybe it wasnt my place but I was worried about you. I want you to be happy and since I know that you dont have your old job Ive been thinking well that maybejust maybe…you know, it could be good for youthat maybe you could go with Dana to France

Shane was lost, she didnt know what to think, she was not sure why, but she was getting angry. She looked at Tina in silence but she knew that Tina noticed the look in her eyes.

As her assistance Shane. They want her to have an assistance, somebody who could take care of all her needs, helped her with all that could keep her away for the main reason the whole trip is about. You know, winning the French Open.

Shane started walking again, her steps bigger and fasters. She was quiet, trying to compose herself, she didnt want to yell at Tina.

So you want to get rid of me. I didnt know I was bothering you that much. Dont worry, I will be back at LA tomorrow.

Tina was astonished. She took Shanes arm and made her stop walking, turning her to face her.

What?, what are you talking about Shane? You are not bothering me. I just thought that it could be a good change for you.”

Shane was looking at Tina in the eyes, she was breathing deeply but she was not longer angry. She was just feeling weak, she could not stand letting Tina care her of her, she couldnt let her feel that caring, it wasnt fair. Because if she let Tina do that, she knew shed lose herself and could not stop herself.
Tina didnt know how ***** she was. Shane was used to keep her attraction in place. She was good at it, she just didnt let Tina show her too much affection, and it was easy as Tinas all real affections were always towards Bette.

Tina, am ok, I dont want you to worry. I dont need to go all the way to France to feel better. I feel better now. Please , dont try to take care of me. I dont need anyone taing care of me

It all came out harsher that she wanted to. She saw Tinas pain in her eyes but also the steel glim that she hated so much.

Ok Shane, didnt mean to bother you. God, am sorry, just wanted to help

It was too much for Shane, she didnt want to fight with Tina, she didnt want to hurt her but, for the first time since they met she lost it.

Its not that T. I know you mean well, Gosh! you are the most generous, caring, sweet person I know and I know you care for me. But (she stopped, she was shaking and out of breath, words were fighting in her throat to come out but she wanted to think them before let them free, and it was not being easy) but am not Bette, ok. Its not you the one who should take care of me, I can take care of myself.

Shane stopped, she was exhausted and scared. She was feeling tears in her eyes and she didnt want Tina to see them.
Tina was getting angry too and she was sure she was not going to let Shane get away so easily.

Look at me Shane (she took Shanes face and turned it to face her). Are you nuts? Since when I cant worried for you? Since when I cant take care of you? I love you, you know. I care for you, you are one of my best friends and when I see you in pain it hurts me. (Tina let her arms fall down, feeling useless) Am sorry but you have it all wrong. Dont you know by now that you are not alone? That you have friends, that you have friends who really care for you? Wont you let me help you Shane?

Shane was crying. It was the first time she cried in front of Tina. She was quiet, letting tears fall down.
Tina took one of Shanes hand in hers.

I am sorry Shane, I know is selfish but I need you to let me help you. I need you to let me be your friend. Am sorry about the whole Dana thing, forget it ok. I wont do that again, but please, let me be there for you.

Shane looked up from the floor. She met Tinas eyes and with the sweetest tone shed find she whispered.

T, I know you are there for me, I just cant let you take care of me
Tina was losing her patience, she didnt understand her friend.

Shane, sweety, what are you talking about. I want to do it, Why cant you let me?