TINA & BETTE

Tina led Bette down a path that had them passing a beautiful rose garden, including walking through a lovely arch of white climbing roses. As they walked along, Bette started to feel like she was slowly coming back into her body. Her initial reaction to seeing Tina was physically and emotionally overwhelming, and unlike Vancouver where she had no problem moving her feet, here she felt like they were rooted in cement. She was trying to center herself, because she didnt want to think about what the consequences would be if this conversation did not go well. She was fighting the urge to jump in and take control and make everything right. But that was the Bette of six months ago. Todays Bette knew she couldnt control something like this, and didnt want to. It was one of the best things she had learned during her relationship with Candace. They had talked everything through and worked things out together as equals. Even though Bette enjoyed the challenge of being the one in charge at work, she no longer wanted to be in that position in her personal relationships, and what a relief that had brought her.

Her responsibility was to be loving, kind, respectful and absolutely truthful with Tina. She had to answer Tinas questions as honestly and as thoroughly as she could, but also needed to listen to Tina with an open heart. She also believed that she and Tina couldnt resolve everything in one conversation, and prayed that Tina felt the same way.

They rounded a corner and there was a small opening on the right. Tina stepped through, and waved for Bette to follow her. They entered into a small, very private English garden. There were beautiful wild flowers and herbs that had been planted around a sweet little pond with a small wooden bridge. Facing the pond were two Adirondack chairs with a little matching table for their drinks.

Bette let out a small gasp. Oh Tina, this is incredible! How did you find this place?

Tina looked at Bette with sadness. After I…, She stopped. After we lost the baby, I use to come to the gardens for long walks. One day I rounded that corner and I could feel myself being pulled in this direction.

Bette could feel tears forming and looked at Tina with such sadness. I never knew you took walks after the baby…

Thats because you were always at work.

Oh…Tina, I am…,

Bette, lets not talk about that quite yet, Ok?

Ok. Bette looked down at her hands and then back at Tina. Tina, it is so good to see you, to be close to you. I cant tell you how much I have missed just being in your presence. After the debacle of my visit to Vancouver, Im just grateful that you even want to see me. I am so sorry about that.

I have to admit Bette, I never thought that I would see the day where you would run away like that. Tina smiled. If I hadnt been in such shock at just seeing you, I might have seen the humor of watching your beautiful hair bouncing and swishing back and forth as you were flying down the hall. I have to admit, you do pretty well running in those high heels of yours.

Tina and Bette both started giggling, and in that moment Bette was so grateful to Tina. She brought them to this magical spot, and then knew exactly what to say to relax them both. Thank you Tina. Thank you for coming home.

Bette, I came home to hopefully get some closure, so that I can move on with my life. I need to be able to move on. We should have had this conversation months ago, but I just couldnt. You know how it is when youre sitting in the middle of all your stuff? You cant see past it, let alone talk about it. I couldnt see that there was an end to it. Fortunately, going to Vancouver was a good move for me. I was finally able to at least let go of the anger.

She gave Bette a small smile. The other stuff, Im still working on letting go of.

Bette reached out and gently took one of Tinas hands in both of hers. I hope that you havent let go of everything Tina. I mean, I hope that you are holding on to the love you had for me.

That was all it took. Tears started flowing down Tinas cheeks. When she first thought about meeting Bette, she was afraid of falling apart in front of her. She didnt want Bette to see how much pain she was in. Now, she realized that it was Ok to show Bette the pain she was feeling. Loving someone is not a weakness and if she wanted Bette to be totally honest with her, then Tina had to be totally honest with Bette, even if that meant allowing her to see all her tears.

I will never be able to let go of the love I feel for you Bette. Never. I just have to come to peace with that, and find a place in my heart where I can keep it, but to also leave room so that I can move on and love someone else. I still want the same things for myself that I have wanted my whole life. You know, from the time I was a little girl, all I dreamt about was finding the love of my life, having children and to live happily ever after. I dont care what has happened, or what anyone says, I still think that dreams can come true. What can I say, I am a true blue sap.

Tina started to quietly sob. I was so sure that my dreams were coming true when I fell in love with you, but now I have to figure out how to achieve that dream without you. I feel guilty saying this, but losing you Bette was even more painful than losing our baby. Is that a terrible thing to say? I mean as horrible as that was, I have loved you with all my being for almost eight years now. Bette, you are the love of my life, and even though that baby was growing inside of me, will always be a part of me, I dont have the memories of holding him, kissing him, of having him in my arms. And as much as I want to be able to have those memories, they dont exist. They do however, exist with you.

Bette was up and out of her chair and got on her knees in front of Tina. She wrapped Tina in her arms and held on as tight as she could.

Oh baby, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I love you so much. I broke both of our hearts six months ago. I made a decision that could alter our paths, our destinies forever. But Tina, if you still believe that I am the love of your life, if you still want your dreams to come true with me, then I need your help in bringing our paths back together, so we can both start living our dreams. Because baby, I know with all that I am that you are the love of my life now and for all eternity.

They just stayed the way they were for a few moments. Both of them sobbing, clinging to each other, releasing so much pain with each tear and filling up with so much love with each breath.

Oh Bette, I wish I could give you that help, but you are right, you broke my heart when you chose to be with Candace. Remember, you chose her. You looked at me, the love of your life, and you looked at her, and you chose her. I just dont know how to move on from that. Someone told me once that when your heart has been broken, it will heal in time, and when it does there will be scar tissue where the break was. She also said that the place where the scar tissue is will be twice as strong as it was before, and because of that, you will be capable of loving twice as much as you were before. I hang on to that thought every day, but Bette, I dont think I could be with you while I still have a broken heart. Dont get me wrong. I want to spend my life with you more than anything. I just dont think I would be the best partner for you, because right now there is still so much pain. Believe me when I say that knowing you still love me brings me an incredible amount of joy, but Bette, I need that scar tissue to make my heart stronger before our paths can join again.