Restrained Recovery
By owelpost (drakkar@rogers.com) and windrider (chelm@netwalk.com)

All appropriate disclaimers apply.

– x –

Shane stood bathed in streetlight. Darkness closed around her glowing pool. A cigarette dangled forgotten from her lips. She waited, watching the night life crawl by. Some lead on leashes attached to collars around their necks, others clad in barely anything. Everyone belonged.

Shane didnt.

Her hands trembled, so she tucked them beneath her defensively crossed arms. Her legs shook, but she had the light pole for support. She waited, hoping Rachel would come alone.

The cigarette burned almost to a stub before Rae strolled out of the shadows of the alley, most likely on a return trip from a score. Shane watched as Raes head came up and she scanned the street, spotted Shane in her puddle of luminance and stopped dead in her tracks. When Rae looked around again, it was a quick check to be sure that no one else who knew her was within the vicinity.

She melted out of the shadows and quickly approached, snagging Shane by the arm and dragging her into an obscure doorway, darkened by the blackness of the night. She pressed her body firmly against Shanes, reached up with one hand, took the cigarette out of Shanes mouth and flicked it as far away from them as possible.

What are you doing here? Rachel demanded, her tone biting yet somehow fragile.

You need to tell me what is going on, Rae, Shane said.

I told you not to do this, Rachel hissed. Dont do this.

Listen to me, Rae, I want– Shane paused, drawing a deep, shuddering breath. She could feel Rachels subtle trembling, was certain that Rae didnt even know she was shaking, and carefully wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. No, I NEED to help you.

Rachel didnt speak. Allowing Shane to hold her was a larger indication of how much closer Rae had come to trusting. She surrendered control, sagging against Shane in the security of their seclusion. Rachels head slowly sank until it rested in the space between Shanes shoulder and neck. Cradling her friend, Shane felt the delicate moistening of the fabric of her shirt prior to hearing the merest breath of a sob escape from Rachels tormented soul.

Before she even registered thought, Shane entwined her hand in Rachels hair and made a tight fist; she sharply drew Rachels head back and stared into damp eyes. She lowered her face very gradually, her intentions clear to both of them.

Rachel stiffened. No, she whispered. Not like this, Shane. Not like this.

Shane came to her senses and immediately let go of Rachels head, appalled at what she had done, what she had been about to do. Im sorry, I thought you would like it– she stammered. Rachel placed a finger against Shanes lips to silence her.

I dont want it to be that way with you, Shane, Rachel breathed. She moved her finger from Shanes mouth and tentatively replaced it with her lips. Shanes were delicate and undemanding. They tasted of freedom, something Rachel hadnt savored in a long time. Desire surged through her, forcing her mouth to open ever so slightly so that her tongue could communicate her insistence. Shane applied as much emotion and caring as possible, speaking volumes without ever uttering a word.

Shanes hands felt idle to her, so she brought them up Rachels arms, across her collarbone and down into the deep v of her blouse. She experienced the scars before she felt the fresh bandage. Rachel immediately broke off the kiss, forced her hands up between them. She pressed the flat of her palms against Shanes shoulders and shoved her to the wall, ceasing the contact of their bodies.

Although she needed Shane, Rachel felt fear pressing down on her. Already she was in far deeper than she could ever explain and her need was ultimately undermined. She shook her head, tears coursing freely down her cheeks as Shane looked on. Rachel couldnt bear the look of pity plainly etched on Shanes face. She choked back a sob and shoved Shane again.

No. The single word hung between them, sapping strength from the very air.

Shane stood shell-shocked. Rachel narrowed her eyes and backed away. She held her hands out in front of her, looked worriedly about to be sure the coast was clear and proceeded to dissolve into the night. Shane crossly banged her head against the concrete and swore.

– x –

The sand had cooled considerably. Dana scrunched her toes, squishing the soft grains between them and sipped from her gin and seven. She had arrived on the beach at dusk, with enough waning sunlight to spark a tiny fire made of twigs in a shallow hole she had dug in the sand. Now she reclined on a huge terry towel, thinking of the soft crackle of the fire, the next sip of her drink, and the distracting arrival of her friends.

This last tiny prayer was answered by the roar of Shanes truck as it came shuddering to a stop, which sprayed a wave of sand in every direction. Dana shielded her eyes from the shocking brightness of the trucks headlights. She blinked when the lights were cut and Shane and Alice tumbled out of the truck.

Hows it going? Shane enquired, wrenching matching lawn chairs out of the back of her truck and swaggering over to place one into the sand, which she promptly dropped into. The other she left for Alice, who now struggled with a relatively large cooler filled with, Dana could only hope, enormous amounts of alcohol.

Fan-*****-tastic, Shane, Dana snapped, finishing off the last of her drink and rattling the ice distractedly in the plastic cup.

Shane stared at Dana for a long time, before setting her lips and placing her hands on her knees. She glanced at Alice, who was just now managing to drag the cooler through the sand. Alice stopped and sat down on the cooler, breathing heavily while giving Shane a nasty look.

Hi, Alice said. Okay, whats up, Dane?

Dana sat up and pointed to the cooler beneath Alices butt. Youre sitting on my next fix, Alice. Im not sayin a word until Ive had at least a shot of tequila. What kind did you get? Because Im not poisoning my body with anything less than Canicas.

Alice regarded Dana for a moment, and then sighed. Fine, Alice said and got up. I brought Canicas, but I want you to know that you owe me for this. My comparably meager writers pay isnt enough to cover this *****. She dug the bottle out from beneath the somewhat melted ice of the cooler.

Danas eyes widened. Is that Reposado?

Alice shrugged. I dunno, Dane. I just know that I had to go three different places to find it and that it cost me an arm and a leg.

Dana clapped her hands, a momentary surge of joy eclipsing the darkness. Alice grabbed the cup from Danas outstretched hand, pitched the ice to the sand and poured a liberal shot. She reached into the cooler once more and brought out two Ziploc bags, one filled with limes and the other with salt. She handed Dana the shot. Dana licked her hand and waited while Alice poured salt over her moistened skin. Finally, Alice held the lime at ready and Dana downed her shot and licked the salt. Alice popped the lime into Danas mouth.

Ah, Dana said around her sour, pursed lips. One more!

Alice glanced at Shane, who nodded her head with a tiny shrug of her shoulders. They repeated the process. Satisfied, Dana flopped herself on her back and stared out at the night sky.

Why are we out here? Shane finally ventured.

Do we need to have a reason to sit on the beach and get drunk? Dana tried to sound relaxed, but her tone held the bitter edge of sarcasm.

At once, both Alice and Shane replied, Yes.

Oh sure gang up on me, Dana muttered.

Alice, frustrated, collapsed onto the sand next to Dana, her face inches from her friends. What is it, Dana? Alice asked.

Dana took a deep breath and covered her eyes with her crossed arms. I think I broke up with Lara, Dana murmured.

What? Alice, startled, was sure she had heard incorrectly. She looked to Shane, who apparently hadnt heard Danas mumble at all. Im sorry, I thought I heard you say you think you broke up with Lara. Dana, honey, what the ***** does that mean?

Dana moved her arms away from her eyes. She sat up half way, resting her hands in the sand. Tears brimmed and finally spilled over. I–she– Dana sniffled. The dam broke and Dana couldnt withhold her emotions any longer. She felt Alices comforting arms encircle her. Her head rested comfortably against Alices breast as she sobbed out the fear, anger and humiliation. It was a long time before Dana had collected herself enough to speak again. I threw her out this morning. Alices fingers stroked Danas hair, pulling it away from the damp streaks on her cheeks.

Tell us why, honey, Alice urged, her eyes glued on Shanes startled face as she absently soothed Dana. Shane looked as worried as Alice felt.

Dana slowly outlined what had happened the previous evening and then that morning. She conveniently left out their enactment of Danas fantasy. I trusted her, Al. God, what was I thinking!?

I dont know, Dana maybe that you love her?

At this, Dana stiffened and shifted away from Alice, fixing her with a cold hard stare. If she loved me, she would never have brought that ***** into my home, Alice. No, I dont think it was love.

Alice opened her mouth to speak, but immediately closed it when she realized that she virtually nothing to say. An odd occurrence for Alice, and it was one that slightly disturbed her. Nonetheless, she shot Shane a pleading look, hoping that there was something Shane could offer that Alice simply could not.

Dana Shane started off, but stopped. She took a deep breath and moved out of her chair, resting on her haunches beside Dana and Alice. How much do you know about whats been going on the last couple of days? With Lara, I mean?

Alices eyes widened and she began to protest, but Shane just held up one finger in a commanding dont ***** say a word, Alice way that made her stop cold.

Dana clenched her teeth. Only what shes told me, which is nothing.

Did you give her a chance? Shane enquired, and by the way Dana looked away and refused to answer the question, she got her answer. Okay, Dane, Shane began, with a slow, deliberately patient tone, I want you to listen very carefully to what Alice and I have to say.

What are you talking about?

Alice and I have sort of been looking into things

You need to hear us out, Dana, Alice piped up when she noticed Dana preparing to get defensive. Shane was kinda curious about something we found on my chart.

Dana grabbed thick fists of sand, furious at the frustratingly juvenile way her friends were now speaking to her. She closed her eyes and ground her teeth together in an all-consuming effort not to deck one or both of them. Dana had never been a violent woman, but it was amazing what a few shots of tequila would do to a person. Would you just ***** tell me? she finally spat.

Has Lara ever mentioned a woman by the name of Susan?

Danas eyes flew open at the reference to Susans name. Susan, the woman Lara had told her she smelled like. Now that she thought about it, she had heard the name in another context as well. She couldnt drag up where she knew the name from, but it sat on the tip of her tongue. She was one of Laras exs, yes, Dana admitted, although she tried to be a lot more casual about it than she felt.

I think she might have been the ex to end all exs, Alice mentioned, quietly, her voice carried only by the gentle salted breeze of the ocean. Shane shot Alice a silencing look, but not before Dana caught it.

What about her? What the ***** does Laras ex have to do with anything?

Look, Dana, theres no easy way to tell you this *****, Shane, tell her already. Alice couldnt help but pass the buck, Shane had a far better understanding of the situation.

Im trying, Alice. But youre right, theres no easy way to tell her Shane paused, searching for some inner strength. It had never been easy for Shane to kick someone while they were down, and thats what this felt like. Biting the bullet, Shane continued, Lara was into a pretty nasty scene before, Dana. You know that she was into drugs, but I dont think you quite grasped the situation surrounding her usage. Dana, you have a tendency to categorize things and lock away those that you dont want to matter.

***** you, Shane! Youre the one that told me to forget about her old habit, Dana raged, un-balling her fists to release the sand she had been clenching desperately.

I didnt tell you to forget about it. I just told you not to worry about it unless it became a current problem, Shane said, defending her statement of long ago.

Id say it is one ***** of a current problem, Shane.

Shane took a deep breath. She wished Dana were a little more sober so that her reactions might be a little more logical. She couldnt choose Danas state of mind, and from the sounds of it, she probably wouldnt have been any more rational sober. From what she knew about Lara, which granted was very little, Shane wondered if she really was truly using again. Shane frowned. Do you know what S&M stands for Dana?

Danas eyes narrowed. Of course, Im not complete idiot.

But do you have any real concept of what it means?

Are you asking me if Im into that, Shane? Because the answer is no. And I dont have any intention of ever Dana stopped, a furious blush rising to her cheeks as the recollection of the previous evening crashed to mind. No.

Shane managed to catch the blush in Danas cheeks. She took stock of her friend and kicked herself for not having looked closely before. Dana wore a white tank and a pair of cotton shorts, all pretty normal for her when she wanted to hang out and be comfy, but the tennis wrist bands were unusual. Shane had a sneaking suspicion what Dana was hiding. She felt Alice staring at her, so she continued, ignoring Danas discomfort. Alice and I found Susans name on her chart, Dana. Someone put it there after the last time we checked. I was curious, so I checked it out. Have you ever heard of Pettrucios?

Dana started to shrug and then her eyes lighted. Yeah, I think I have.

Wait, Dane, youve heard of that place? Alice piped in, disbelieving what she had heard.

Alice, chill. Ive never been there. Lara has this lighter Dana trailed off and turned to stare at Shane. Is that an S&M club?

Shane nodded slowly. She shivered as the memory of Susans almost complete hold on her shimmered to the surface. Shane didnt realize she had been talking, and before she knew it, she had recounted her entire conversation with Susan and Rae. She snapped out of her trance-like state as Dana pushed herself off the ground and stalked over to the cooler.

Dana filled her little plastic cup with Tequila and tossed it back without even bothering with a chaser. She did it twice more before Alice grabbed the tequila bottle out of her hand, telling her that shed had enough.

Finally, Alice couldnt contain it any more. Something Shane had said had agitated Dana even further and Alice had to know what it was. She capped the bottle of tequila, returned it to the safety of the cooler and grasped Danas hand, which was now cold and sandy. Talk to us, Dana, Alice coaxed.

Ive met Susan, too last night. There was this woman who was cruising me pretty hard, but all I could think about was Lara. Dana took a deep breath. I couldnt even remember her name at the time, but it was her I know it was.

Aw, *****, Shane muttered.

Shane? Alice asked.

Thats why I was being distracted, Al. Rae was keeping me busy so Susan could go after Dana.

Go after me?

Wait, wait. Were getting too sidetracked here, Shane said, shutting down further questions along those lines until she had a chance to come to terms with exactly what it meant herself. Instead, she said, Dana, youve experienced Susans seductive ability. Congratulations.

Youre congratulating me?

Yeah. You managed to come out of it unscathed. Well, kind of. Susans the kind of woman who normally gets what she wants. The fact that you didnt end up going home with her speaks entire volumes. *****, you couldnt remember her name, Dane. Thats impressive.

A small smile reached Danas lips. Well, you know

Think back to how Susan treated you, Dana. She was golden, treated you like a queen. Am I right?

Dana thought about it, slowly nodding her head. The action made her sway on her feet and Alice had to grab her arm to prevent her from falling over. Alice helped Dana sit on the cooler, and then stood back to gauge her friends reaction as Shane continued.

Now, Dana, I dont know Laras situation when she hooked up with Susan back then, but I have a sneaking suspicion it wasnt pretty. A woman like that comes along, makes you feel worthwhile you tend to do anything to hold on to that. Dana, Susan is whats called a *****; someone who acts out the dominant role in a sadomasochistic relationship.

I know what a ***** is, Shane. God, Dana muttered.

If Susan is a dom, Laras role becomes relatively clear. Think about it, Dane, Susan is the sort of woman who uses ***** and drugs to control people. She finds their weaknesses and she exploits them, Shane said, spelling out enough that she hoped Dana could draw her own conclusion.

So what youre saying is that Lara couldnt help using drugs? Well, Im sorry, Shane, but that just doesnt cut it for me. Its not a ***** excuse.

Shanes lips curled up in a confused sort of snarl. She began to shake her head. Dana, thats not what–

Dana tossed her hands up, silencing Shane. Forget it, Shane. Its too late.

Come on, thats a little harsh, Shane said, starting toward Dana.

Alice stepped in front of Shane. Shes not thinking clearly, Shane. Shes drunk. Besides, maybe its for the best that she lets this go for a bit, Alice whispered. Shane, disturbed at Alices sudden dismissal, took a step back.

Fine, Al. But I think its a mistake. Laras in trouble, Shane managed.

Im sure she can fend for herself, Shane, Alice said, glancing back at Dana, whose head was now tucked between her knees. Dana moaned and began to rock back and forth. Alice pulled her attention back to Shane. I think we should get her home. Shes had enough for tonight.

Youre right, Shane muttered. She didnt admit to Alice that shed had just about enough, too.

– x –

End Part Sixteen