I had thought about it long and hard, before leaving, in the hotel, in the plane, as I slept, on my way back. This was one reason this trip was hard. I knew it was the right thing, the instant I saw Tina. She glowed at my sight. I am sure I grinned like a fool as well. Seeing her has that affect on me. She calms me down without saying a word. She reads me like a book. Her look strips me emotionally. Her touch soothes my soul. Her love fills my heart. I feel alive. Life becomes meaningful.

I watched her fall asleep. I felt her falling into sleep in my arms. I cant really describe how that feels. Her hold becomes lose, her body relaxes, and her breathing becomes slow. She feels heavier as she gives in and just falls into me. She smiles and mumbles as she dreams. This is my favorite sight in the whole world. To see Tina fall sleep. In my arms.

I think about it more, the thing I have been thinking. I try to phrase my script. I try to think quietly, afraid my rising heartbeat would wake her up. I know it is the right thing. I feel it is the right time. I know Tina wants it. I know I want it too but I am just a little afraid. I need to tell her both things. Suddenly, I have an urge to cry. It is not fear, it is not pain, it is not love. It is something I just dont understand. I try my best to just swallow the lump and I hold Tina tight to prevent the tears from falling. But, she knows. She always knows. She wakes and I sob. Once I know shes there to catch me, I let go. I fall. My walls shatter.

What is it Baby? she holds me, and smoothes my hair. I tell her I want to talk. Shes scared and disoriented from waking up to my sobs. I can see it instantly. Her lips apart, her eyes blinking fast and trying to read my thoughts – a lucid sign that shes concerned. I am comforted as she wipes my tears gently and rubs my cheek. I might as well say it, I think. T, I have been thinking. I am in love with you. She smiles at that and I know how foolish it sounds. I look away, I fumble. I stammer. I meanI mean she smiles lovingly at me, assuring me that its okayto fumble, to stammer. I breathe deep, look into her and say, I want us to have a family. I want to have a baby with you. I am ready. T, I am scared but thats what I want. I breathe deeply again. She patiently looks at me. In the past few days, I realized I miss you and I miss my home and it is so much more. I feel settled. When I go awayI miss being settled.at home with you. We have so much love between us .I am ready to share it with someone whos ours. Tinas smiled widened with every word I said. It was the widest smile ever. She had tears in her eyes. A unique combination that makes her look like a smiling goddess. This is one moment when I wanted her to speak and she didnt. But, I understood everything she didnt say. Everything. She held me tight. Like she found a treasure. I knew I had surprised her as her voice fell an octave, Oh! babyI love you!

Tina said that she loves me till I gave up counting. It made me so happy to see her happy. It drowned my fears. The woman I love, the only woman I love was in my arms.crying with me, the tears of joy.as we decided to start a new phase of our lifetogether. I looked into her eyes, trying to see my future in them and found it thereand said out loud, I love you T!