As Shane was getting to the door a sound stopped her pace. She moved slightly to the door to try to know what it was and then, she heard it. There was some yelling and a door slamming.
Even from the outside Shane could tell it was a heated discussion so she thought it better and started walking back to her truck but as she was in the middle of the front stairs she decided she could just wait a little, just in case.

Sitting down Shane lighted a cigarette, smoking quietly, in the dark she enjoyed the quiet night.
The yelling was gone and then the front door opened. Turning around Shane found herself looking at Bette who was looking at her with an angry look on her face.

“Hey” Shane said standing up, not moving as the look on Bette face was not what we could call welcoming.

“Shane?” As Bette was pronouncing the name her face was softening. Walking slowly she placed herself just besides her friend.

“What are you doing here?” Bettes question showed no anger just curiosity and amazement.

“I dont know, I wanted to see you and then as I was going to knock(looking at the door)..well you know Shane didnt want to make Bette more uncomfortable so she just shuggered her shoulders.

“I know, am sorry about that” Bette whispered, sitting on the steps.

“Its ok”. Mumbled Shane, taking a seat just at her side.

“So you just decided to wait here?” Bette was still trying to figure out what was Shane doing there.

“Yeah.. well” Shane was peechless, no sure what to say.

No, no, is ok, I dont mind Am glad to see you Shane

As she was talking Bette caressed Shanes bare arms, which was something that really surprised Shane as Bette has never been the kind of person who likes that much intimate contact.

Yeah, am glad to see you too Bette Shane was finding difficult talking with her friend, she didnt know how, she realized that she missed Tina. Right there they were having one of those occasions when Tina was the glue, the whatever it was that made everything easy, just by simply being there.

Shane was smoking in silence, looking nowhere, just enjoying Bettes company. Bette was taking comfort in her company.
Then, looking at her friend smoking Bette realized something.

So it was you Bette asked, smiling, talking in a soft tone that Shane was not use to hear coming from her, at least not directed to anyone that wasnt Tina.

What? Shane asked, looking at Bette.
“Yousmoking here at night Shane looking at Bette knew eactly what she was talking about.

“Yeaham sorry.”

“Its ok I always wondered Bette was looking ahead now, remembering.

Yeahwellyou know.. I guess

Shane was not finding the words but looking at her friend in the eyes she decided she had to. It surprised her to see the sad gleam on Bettes eyes, something new, something scary.

Tina said it was ok

Hearing the name made Bettes head turned in less than a second. Looking at Shane, she asked, words barely hitting the air.

Tina knew?”

Yeah, she found me one morning, at dawn. it was one of those days you know I was going home but wasnt feeling too happy or too well so I came here.

Bette was following Shanes words as if they were lucky stars.

She guessed that it was not my first time Ive been coming here for a while now, usually at dawn it calms me it used to give me hope

Shane said, mumbling the last words. She thought for a second before saying them out loud but then realized that Bette needed to hear them. With that last words Shane threw what was left of the cigarette to the floor, trampling it.

I guess she just noticed, knew, what it meant to me so she just offered me coffee and said that Id come whenever I wanted to

Bette was quietly looking at the street. Shane, not sure if she was mad or not, not being able to read her friend decided that maybe it was better to leave so standing up, she turned to look at Bette.

“I guess I should get going, didnt mean to intrude.

Bette stood up, facing Shane.

“You didnt, and you can come here any time you want ok

After taking a few seconds Shane nodded, smiling shyly at Bette.

You want to go for a drink ? Shane was offering the keys to Bette as she knew that she had to go inside to get hers.

“Sure Bette answered, taking Shanes truck keys.

As Shane was walking to the passenger seat a smile started growing on her face. Some things never change, she thought.

They rode in silence for almost half an hour before Bette realized they were on the highway, far away to anywhere.

Turning to look at Shane she noticed how relax Shane looked.

We are quite far from home, why didnt you tell me?”

You looked like you needed to drive Was all Shane said, she had all the time in the world and was enjoying the ride and even more was loving to see how Bettes face was relaxing with each extra mile she was driving away from LA.

Bette drove quietly a few more minutes before whispering, unable to hide her fear and shame.

Hows she doing?

Shane could tell how difficult for Bette was to say those words out loud. Not because she was not worried or because she didnt care, she was sure Bette wanted to know about Tina and cared for her but because Shane also knew that for Bette to ask that, was like admitting something she didnt want to admit.

She is ok, she is happier lately

Shane didnt want to add much more. She didnt want to talk about Tina with Bette. She was sure she could not keep her coolness with Bette. She was not over the anger she felt when she found out about the cheating. Bette above all. Bette who always judged others, Bette who always proclaimed to be the higher standard of moral values. Shane was at a point where shed talk with Bette, shed try to understand her but she was not ready to share Tinas wellness, sorrows or misfortunes with her.

Im glad she is happy Bette was back in her usual, in control type of being, closing her soul, building back her walls.

“I didnt say she is happy, I say she is happier It surprised Shane even more than Bette, the harsh tone that was used in those words. Shane was angry, something inside of her jumped the moment she heard Bettes nonchalant, am above you all tone.

Shanes harsh tone put Bette in defensive mood, as if she was being attacked. The “Bette against the world” every body knew and fear was back in charge and Shane was the victim.

“I dont think you are in any position to judge me Shane Bette said the words looking ahead, with an ice cold look in her beautiful brown eyes.

“Pull the car off the road Bette Shane words were cold as steel, she was using a tone new to Bette, who in disbelieve turned to look at her to see if she was being serious.

There, stop the car Shane was pointing to her right, thinking that it was good they were now in a second road.

Bette stopped the car but as it was cooling she didnt find the courage to look at Shane in the eyes. After taking a few seconds she sighed deeply before finally turning to her friend with fire in her eyes.

What? Are you going to give me lessons Shane? YOU above all?… I dont think so, you have no right to judge me, you dont know what is like to be me, you dont know what was going on in my life you, you have no idea!

Shane was listening carefully, letting all Bette words sink in her mind, was processing what she was saying but what Shane was really doing was reading what Bette was not saying, what her eyes, her trembling hands and her shuddering shoulders were saying.

As Bette was rambling about god knows what Shane remained quiet, looking at her.
Then Bette, who was yelling even more, suddenly stop, looking at her, realizing that her friend was quiet, just staring at her.

Stiffing on her seat Bette leaned back a little, sighing deeply.

What? Now you have nothing to say? Bette words were lacking of her previous tone, this were not soft but were much more tender. She was not yelling, she was even whispering.

Im not judging, you know am not the type who judges (each word Shane pronounced were said with intention, making it clear that Bette was not fool and could read what they really meant) but because I am ME (Shane opened her eyes wider, she was not excusing herself, she knew who she was and what she had done and was not going to apologize to Bette) I know what you have done. I know all the lies that camp in your head, all the excuses, all the shadows and all the sorrows Bette. Dont hide from me, or at least dont try to pretend with me. I know you, I know where you were and where you are (Shane took a few seconds before continuing, leaving to Bette to read those quiet seconds) and I know Tina. Dont ever tell me or try to patronize me. You are not better than the rest of us Bette, you are just human, with all the same ***** as the rest of us you just dress better

Shane could notice how her words were sinking in Bettes conscience, she knew how harsh they were and she hated saying them but she was feeling she needed to say them, for Bette, for Tina and for herself. As Tina, Shane was always the one who didnt take things personally, it was ok when the one saying the meanest things was just as confuse as the rest of them or as humble as Dana always was, but hearing Bette trying to patronize her, to prove her point when every body knew there was no excuse for what she did, Shane felt she needed to get things straight, she was not going to take any ***** from her friend, for once somebody was going to set things clear with Bette.

Looking up, Shane noticed Bettes shoulders shaking, her lower lip was trembling and before she could say anything to comfort her friend, Shane saw how all the emotions that Bette hid inside since the break up were finally erupting.

She started having a break down just there, in the middle of nowhere with the last person shed imagine to be there at that moment.

Opening her long arms Shane welcome Bettes uncontrollable sobbing. Bette cried for what it looked like an eternity and as she was calming down Shane finally got to understand what she has been mumbling all along the tears.
“I fucked it Shane, I fucked it, I lost herI fucked it

Bette could feel Shanes strong arms holding her and her nodding was comforting her as much as her arms.

Bette needed a few more minutes before leaned back on her seat. Looking around in Shanes truck for something to clean he face she just couldnt find it so using her sleeve she smiled at Shane, nodding.

I fucked it big time Shane. I lost Tina, I lost myself, my friends and my life

It was a total surprise to see, to hear Bette being so open, so honest, so vulnerable.

You want it back?
Shanes question was as warm to Bettes ears as a summer breeze.

“Id die to have it back. Tina is my home, my life. I am homeless without her. I have no land, no heart, no soul, without her am nothing

Bette said the words as if a prayer, throwing them to the universe, finally finding the courage to say them out loud.

Then, lets go Bette. You have lot to do. Put your life in order. You have your friends, they have been always there, you just didnt see us.

Bette, crying quietly turned the engine on. Pulling the car back on the road, she mumbled, unable to look at her friend, scare to death.

“And Tina?”

Shane took a few seconds before answering,

“Tina is the most caring, loving person I know. She has the biggest heart I know she will forgive you Bette. I really think so

Shane was looking ahead to the dark night but that didnt stop her to notice the tears running down Bettes cheeks, dying at a hopeful smile that was shyly growing on her face,

“… but dont even think is going to be easy Bette. I wont let you hurt her again, I wont let you to come close to even slightly hurt her again You dont deserve her, you dont even deserve to have loved her once. You are just one damn lucky woman

Shane finished her words looking at Bette.

Why? Bette whispered, still trembling.

Because she loves you, always had and always will.

With that words said in the middle of the night in the middle on nowhere, Bettes heart found the road back home.
The light she remembered in Tinas eyes was the only guide she needed to find what she lost, what she was missing, what she was willing to fight for.