It was Monday morning and Alice was at her office, day dreaming, still thinking about Tina story. She could not believe she shared the story with them, so private, so personal, so full of love.

She was happy that she did, Alice could tell how much the memories helped Tina, but then she noticed that next day, her moody hormones were back in charge.
Tina pretended to be ok, left to take a walk alone, wanting to leave Alice and Dana alone, Alice noticed.

Today she was going with Tina to the doctors appointment, hopefully getting a prescription to get something to help Tina pass all those pregnancy steps that Alice was suffering with her, sympathy pains Shane said well Alice was not enjoying the heartburns and the dizziness she was suffering in the mornings. Googling the symptoms she learned that it was something that happened sometimesgod! she thought, hopefully the doctor will help me


She was praying for that when her email window alerted her that she got mail. A smile grew on her face when she read the from box, Bette, voiced Alice, reading it.



Date: Sunday 9 may 2004 20:09:22 -0700
Subject: another world
From: bette

“Its raining outside. Fat heaving rain drops still falling down my bare arms as am writing here. Its so humid that they will vanish in no time.
Its been more than a week since I put my foot in this beautiful country. This is heaven looking like *****. Alice you could love it

Let me start from the beginning. The moment I put my feet outside the airport I felt it. This is different.., the air is so thick that you could hold it in your hand the sky is so high that youd think is no there and then you look around and you cant believe that this is all real.

There is no movie, no book, there are no words to express all this. A volunteer drove a bunch of us to the hotel were foreign volunteers camp. Am calling it a hotel because its how they call it but back home we woulnt dare to come in. But now that I think about it a smile crosses my face time and knowledge puts everything in perspective here.
An Italian guy that I met on the plane explained to me the rules there are no rules thats the magic here Let me tell you how Mother Teresa houses work. There are three houses, the one with infants and kids, the one with ill, dying grown ups and the one with the mentally ill. Volunteers can choose to help in any of them, no one tells you where to go or what to do. Nuns doesnt explain to you how to help, I didnt understand it at first but Paolo (my Italian friend, he is an angel am sure…one day I will have to look under her t-shirt, am sure he has wings), well he explained me everything.

Mother Teresas philosophy was(still is in the houses) that any help is always welcome, 5 minutes, two years, a smile or a hugeverything counts and everything is welcome but the nuns are there to help the needed ones, no to teach volunteers, volunteers learn from other volunteers. Nuns are the first to clean, to be on their knees to clean the floors, to change diapers, to sponge the patients, to hold their handsand volunteers follow their example. Believe me when I say this people are the poorest of the poorthey have nothingthe lucky ones have a shirt to cover themselves but then, as surprising as it soundsthey are richer than us the houses are inmaculate, so clean…

Tee my love I know the prize of a smile, I know the strength in a caring handthe first day I decided that I could not go to the infants house as much as I wanted to I knew itd be too much to bareI knew I could not bare to see a dying bay, just thinkiong about them breaks my heart… so I help the grown ups and now I have my patients my friends in them.

In the morning I arrive when they open. I walk to the house everyday, is a half an hour walk that I usually do with Paolo, we walk in silence, wakening with each pace, slowly its early, its usually 6:30 am the house opens at 7 with a mass that no one needs or has to go to, is up to you to go or not and, believe or not I go every day it calms me, is so pure, so simple, so unaffected it gives me strength to go in the house everyday.

I spent the first three nights crying in bed, exhausted,so many emotions, so much sadness…I was crying for my selfishness, crying for being so stupid, so blindI know.., I didI had to put things in perspective, I have my life and Im not going to get lost here but seeing life walking here I know what I have, I know how lucky I am and I know how much we lose not looking at life up front.

Let me explain Life here means being able to live another day, having something to put in your mouth but most important having a friendly hand holding yours while you are dying. You can not believe the look in the eyes of this peoplethey enjoy a smile like a treasure, if you hug them they reward you a hundred times with thousands of feelings, you can read everything in their eyes. Time flies and at noon nuns invite us with tea and a cookie, its their food, what they eat and they share it with us.. its so pure, so simple, its very humbling

Nuns are special, they dont talk that much, not because they are rude of affected, they just dont have the time but I have become friends with a very young one that I help sometimes with the dishes, or doing the laundry she has told me some stories that someday I will tell you about, but now, let me share my favourite with youit fills my heart with joy every time I think about it

…Apparently, one day Mother Teresa was walking on one of the halls of the house (she helped like the rest, there were, are not, hierarchies here, so she used to do same as the other nuns, so she was walking and saw another nun seriously walking in the other direction, they smiled,nodding at each other but Mother Teresa stopped her, asking her if she was ok, the younger nun nodded, surprised by the question but then Mother Teresa taking her hand smiled at her, and walking with her, holding her hand told her, I think you should spend the day in the chapel today the younger nun asked, shyly what was wrong and Mother Teresa, smiling just added, Nothing is wrong dear, is just that you look like you need a smile, and people here need a smile too and we are here to give them one and I dont think your is a sincere one now, they need a truly one, so maybe is better if you try to find back yours so you can give it to them

The story is something like that, and is a true one, nuns here are always smiling with their heart, so honest, so truthfuland the patients smile too their smiles when you clean them, when you feed them, when you hold their hands, sitting on their beds is worth a million dollars they ask for nothing but they give you everything the look in their eyes when they see us when we arrive is priceless everyday is a gift for themthey thank us in every possible way

I dont know Tee this is something powerful I walk on the crowded streets (forget NY, you havent seen a crowded street if you have not being here) and I look around, poverty is everywhere, kids as well as grown ups are all on the streets, they have nothing but they always have a smile on their face when you look at them this kids are the most beautiful kids I have ever seen.every time I look at them I think of you how much youd love them, how your heart could melt just by holding their hand, just by looking at them

I miss you every second, every minute I sigh for your memory, for your touch, I look around searching for youand I see you in every kind gesture, in every smileI cry tears of sorrow, of guilt, of shame and every time I think I cant stand it anymore, seeing this people suffering kills you inside, slowly,everytime I had to turn my head so they dont see me crying I think of you, of your strength, your courage, your tenderness I think of you and you are guiding me, you put a smile on my face, I smile that grows and dies that I give to every patient that I take care of the smile on my face is there just because I know you are there, because I know youd be smiling if you were here, because I know, I remember your smile that still brightest my nights when I finally rest my head on the pillow.

I love you Tina there are no other words needed, is as simple as that…thanks for putting the much needed smile on my face. My friends, my patientsI, truly thank you.