Restrained Recovery
by Char Hall (drakkar@rogers.com)
and
Cheryl Helm (chelm@netwalk.com)

Part Nineteen

– x –

Dana moved numbly through her days, many of them blurring messily into one large clump, far too convoluted for her tired brain to sort out. Her exhaustion was due, in part, to her enormous effort to shut out any thought of Lara. However it mostly had to do with the fact that she had a huge tournament to attend in, now, less than fourteen hours.

She sat at the end of her bed, and then flopped back to stare at the ceiling. Her stomach was in knots, not an unusual condition these days. She groaned and rolled on to her side before drawing her knees up to her chest.

Nervous? Alice asked, reaching down to pat Danas knee.

You could say that, yeah. Alice, Ive never seeded so high in a tournament before! Im afraid Ill ***** this up.

How could you ***** it up? Youre an amazing tennis player.

Dana lifted her head just enough to shoot Alice a look. How do you know? You dont even know what a fault is. Dana let out an exasperated sigh.

Sure I do! Its when youre Alice trailed off, searching for the word.

Serving, Al.

Right, serving. And then you accidentally step over the white you know

Line?

Yes! See, I know what a fault is!

Dana couldnt help the brief chuckle that escaped her. Youre hopeless.

Im not the one getting nervous over a silly tennis game, Alice muttered.

At that, Dana stretched up and snagged one of her pillows, which she immediately swung, catching Alice off guard and sending her flailing. She tripped over the sports bag at the end of Danas bed and went sprawling across her friend.

Silly? Dana asked.

Alice, who couldnt catch her breath from laughing, grabbed another pillow and scrambled gracelessly over Dana to position herself at a better pillow-fighting angle. She proceeded to beat Dana with her fluffy weapon of choice, until both collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Youll be fine, Dana, Alice said after spending a good while trying to catch her breath.

Dana smiled. Thanks, Al. I needed to hear that.

You placed fourth. I mean, I may not know much about tennis, but I know thats pretty ***** good, Alice said shifting up on an elbow to look down at Dana, trying to convey how proud she was of her friend.

Yeah, it is pretty good, isnt it?

Right. Now, think youre going to manage to get some sleep, or are you going to worry your little head off? Because I dont want to pick you up in the morning and have you be a complete basket case.
Youre picking me up?

Now what kind of friend would I be if I didnt go watch one of the most important tournaments of your career?

Dana felt her stomach flop in nervousness. She took a deep breath and resolved herself to remembering Alices words. She was pretty ***** good. If there was one thing she could do right, it was tennis. Once more, her intestines roiled. She pushed away emerging thoughts of her failed relationship with Lara and tried desperately to find an inner balance. Eventually she decided that worrying about her tennis match was preferable to thoughts of her drug-addicted ex. She shivered, gave her head an imperceptible shake and sat up.

What time should I drop by? Alice asked, pushing herself off the bed and straightening her blouse.

Registration is at 8:30, so I guess you could come get me at 7:45.

Okay. Ill see you then, Alice said. She leaned down and gave Danas forehead a kiss, before heading to the bedroom door. Dana watched her disappear out the door and then heard Alice holler, Night! as she let herself out of the house.

After Alices departure, Dana curled herself into a ball once more and worried herself to sleep.

– x –

Marina threw herself into preparing for Francescas homecoming, almost able to put aside Jennys hurt, and that surprisingly powerful and poignant sense of loss she felt in her bones. It had been months since shed been with Francesca and all she wanted was to feel at home again in her arms, the way shed felt at the beginning, wanted and loved and cherished. She had tried to explain it: she and Jenny, she and Francesca, the relationships were so different. But Jenny couldnt hear it and, in truth, Marina was not sure she believed in it any more only when she had talked to Lara that morning did she feel the boundaries of Francesca closing in on her. She tossed her dark hair back, grabbed the keys, and headed for the airport. Francesca would not be happy if she were late.

And she really wanted to enlist Francescas help in dealing with Susan. She hadnt seen or heard from Lara since that morning, and it bothered her. Dana had made herself scarce, maybe because she was getting ready for her tournament, but everything felt bad, really bad to her, and Francesca might have an advantage in helping her help her friends–Dana, Lara–though she had no clue as to what needed to be done.


The first day or two were fantastic. Francesca took her to their bed, the ***** was fabulous, she was tender and attentive and everything felt so good, so real. Marina was reminded again of how and why she had fallen so deeply in love with Francesca. Until. She had fixed a special dinner for them, a nice bottle of wine, candlelight, a pasta with exotic sauce, the whole works. They made small talk, beginning to catch up on their separate lives over the last four months. Then Francesca began to talk about her dalliances. It suddenly struck Marina as odd that, this time, it didnt bother her in any way to hear about the actress in Bulgaria, the ballet dancer in Rome. It didnt bother her until

So, darling, who have you taken to bed while Ive been gone?

Marina froze, and Francesca detected it. Her voice went cold. Marina? I asked you a question.

Marina swallowed, and told her about Jenny. She struggled to keep her voice bland, her facts neutral, as if Jenny had just been nothing more than another *****, another amusement. But she had been more. So very much more. She didnt want Francesca to know that.

So, did you turn her? Is she one of us now? Francesca asked, tilting back her head, looking at Marina with those eyes that were not brown, not hazel, but something in between.

I dont know, Marina said, head lowered. I dont think she knows either.

Something slid over Francescas eyes, her skin went cold. She understood that Marina had crossed an unacceptable line. She stretched her hand across the table and gripped Marinas hand. Hard. She turned her head to one side, then swiveled back to look Marina directly in her darkening eyes. You like her. It was not a question.

Marina tried to break Francescas gaze. Yes. I liked her.

Did? Or still do? Francesca would not let it go.

Its over, Francesca, Marina sighed and took a long drink of wine with her free hand. It was over the moment I told her about you.

Really? Francesca released her grip. And youre fine with that?

Marina nodded. Would you like more pasta?

Francesca smiled and leaned back in her chair. No, I think Ive had enough. Another glass of wine would be nice, though.

Marina got to her feet quickly, grabbed their glasses and went over to the bar to refill their drinks. She struggled for composure, hands shaking. When had she become so afraid of Francesca?

She brought their glasses of wine back to the table, sat down, and tried to switch subjects to something a little lighter. How long will you be home?

I dont know, darling, it depends. You know the next offer can come at any time.

Marina nodded. What would you like to do, then? Anything special?

Id like to know why you were so curious about Susan Birch.

Marinas heart thudded. Fear, genuine fear, rose up in her. I think Susan has moved in on some of our friends.

Really? Francesca said in a voice tinged with amusement and curiousity. Who?

Dana. And her girlfriend. Lara.

Francesca slid her hand across the table again, eyes darkening and glittering in the candlelight. Tell me.

Marina did. Or at least as much of it as she knew. And suspected.

Francesca smiled an odd smile. How interesting? So Dana got tangled up with Susans girl.

Marina bristled. I dont think Lara was still Susans girl when she met Dana. I had the feeling it was all over by then.

Francesca threw her head back and laughed. Darling, it is not over until Susan says its over. Thats the way it works. She leveled a hard look at Marina. You know that.

Marina looked away, head down, Yes, of course I do, but

Francescas eyes glazed over for a moment, as if she were riffling through memories. Oh yes, I remember now. It was quite the talk of the scene, how Susans woman walked out on her. Oh! She was so furious! And now shes come back for her? Francesca laughed.

Francescas amusement bothered Marina but she didnt dare question it. Shes making a lot of trouble, Francesca. Shes shes threatened Danas careerI think shes blackmailing Lara we need to

Do nothing, Marina, Francesca said in precise clipped tones. Stay out of this.

But…

Francesca froze her with a gaze. Marina lowered her eyes, nodded unhappily, stood to clear the table.

Francesca smiled. Thats my girl. Let the dishes go. Ill help you in the morning. Come to bed. Be with me now.

– x –

A salty breeze lifted Shanes hair and shifted it carelessly back and forth across her face. She had picked this place so that she could sit in relative seclusion on the balcony, out in the open in the sunshine. It was hot enough out today that most folks would prefer to sit in the tinny artificial chill of the air conditioned restaurant.

Shane blew her hair away from her face and began to fidget with her water glass, turning it back and forth. It was sweating and Shane welcomed the cool moisture on her fingers. She picked up the glass and took a long sip. She had been waiting for the last fifteen minutes with the intense sun beating down on her.

Her waiter was a cute young man who had sharp blue eyes, an easy smile, and a mop of scruffy brown hair. He was almost too eager to help her. Shane had noticed how he had appreciated her nearly translucent blouse, was amused by the fact that he seemed to make an extra trip to her table whenever he had a spare moment. He liked to linger and Shane found that it brought a smile to her face. Poor hormonal guy, she thought, if he only knew.

Are you sure you wouldnt like to order? he asked.

Shane grinned, pulled her sunglasses down her nose a bit to fix him with a patented gaze. Im fine, really. Im just going to wait a bit longer.

How about some more water, then? he stammered, holding up the crystal jug hed carried over.

Shane thought about refusing him again, but then relented. That would be great. She noted that his hand shook slightly as he moved her glass to the edge of the table and began to fill it. She watched the water climb slowly to the top of the glass and then tilted her head as it reached the rim and spilled over the edge. She glanced up at the waiter and saw that he was fixated, open mouthed, on something near the entrance of the balcony. Shane lifted her hand and tilted the jug upright, which caused him to snap back to himself.

Oh my–Im so sorry, he said, then glanced back to what he had been looking at before. I–Ill get something to he swallowed audibly, to uh, to clean this up. He started away, shifting his way around tables and nearly stumbling several times. Shane, confused at his behavior, turned around in her chair. Her jaw unhinged and her mouth fell open, too. No wonder the young man had come undone.

Rachel stood sheathed in a light, white dress that accentuated every phenomenal curve of her body. She wore a white sunhat, accented with purple flowers and babys breath. On her feet was a pair of delicate sandals. Shane had to swallow several times before she could even attempt to speak. In the end, she didnt bother. She stood up and moved to pull out Rachels chair for her.

Thank you, Rachel said and gave Shane a quick kiss on the cheek before slithering into her seat.

Shane seemed to have found her voice as she resumed her seat. Its good to see you, Rae.

You too, Shane. You look well.

Look, Rae, thank you for agreeing to see me, Shane said, shifting in her seat. I wasnt sure you would after last time.

Rachel reached out and removed the sunglasses from Shanes face with a gentle flick of her wrist. She folded them carefully, set them on the table and then took hold of Shanes hand, fixing her with a penetrating gaze. I needed to see you, Shane, she breathed. Im in so deep, I cant breathe. I cant move. I cant think.

You can get out, Rae. Ill help you, Shane said, shifting her hand to squeeze Rachels. Come with me.

You do help me, Shane. Its the very thought of you that sustains me. But understand that I can never go with you.

Shane pulled her hand out of Rachels and sat back. Youre not ***** property, Rachel. Youre a human being. Shane watched the sad, patient smile spread across the womans face. Rae shook her head gently, like a good teacher who was doing her best to explain a mathematical equation, but simply not conveying the meaning in a manner that could be comprehended.

Ive done some things Im not very proud of, Shane. If I were to leave now, I might not be able to a look of inner reflection crossed Rachels face and she waved her hand, as though clearing the thoughts, Well, never mind. We came here to have a nice lunch, why dont we do that?

Shane wanted to press the matter, but the mask of innocence and light that had descended over Rachels face convinced her otherwise. As curious as Shane was, as upset and protective as she felt, she wasnt about to pass up offering Rachel this little respite from whatever ***** had become of her life.

They waited for the waiter to reappear. This time he was far more composed and although he avoided looking at Rachel lest he relapse, he seemed perfectly adept at taking their orders and bringing refreshments. When their salads arrived, Rachel tucked into hers with much gusto. Shane ate slowly, watching the woman before her with curiosity.

Here was a woman who was incredibly powerful, capable of stopping almost all conversation the moment she entered a room. Strangely, unlike Shane–who was very aware of her effect on people–Rachel seemed to have no idea that she held such influence. Shane wondered how a woman who had so much intensity would be so willing to submit herself to anothers will. She suspected that Rachel hadnt been completely dispirited, could still feel see the fire burning in her soul, yearning for some sort of completion. Whatever Rachel had needed, she seemed to have found. Whatever she had found seemed to be lacking.

Dont try to figure me out, Rachel said.

Shane wanted to reach out, establish some sort of physical contact. She wanted to lessen the chasm that was quickly yawning before them. Rachel had pushed her chair back and now regarded Shane with heartbreaking determinedness. There would be no way Shane could pull this woman back from the brink. A crushing ache settled in Shanes chest, similar to the ache she had felt when she had first met Rachel on the streets of Los Angeles. Shane swallowed back the memory of seeing Rachel tumble out of her first johns car, to puke her guts up before curling into a shivering ball. Unable to bring herself to touch Rachel, she could only manage a meek, Im sorry.

Rachels smile returned, albeit a little less brightly. She glanced at her watch. Ive got to get back to work. She reached into her purse for some bills, but Shane stopped her.

Its the least I can do, Rachel, Shane said.

Rachel smiled. She thanked Shane, stood up and, like a haunting specter, disappeared from Shanes life again.

– x –

End Part Nineteen