Fundraiser Friday – Leaving The Planet – The drive

Tina opened her car door for Bette. Before she got in, she gently held Tinas scarf with both hands and slowly pulled Tina in for a kiss. Then she let go and said – I really like your scarf T (grinning). Bette was surprised about tonight on how well its going so far. The slow dance have been electrifying and during the fast ones she could hardly keep up with Tina. Tina has responded to her without withdrawing, as she did when things got a bit too intimate and intense. Tonight has been different. Maybe its the fun surrounding the auction that cause Tina to be more relax. It filled Bettes heart with hope that perhaps tonight she might not need a cold shower.

B: Where are we going? Youre not going to tell me, are you. (Tina shake her head)
T: Just sit back and relax. I promise you it will be fun. OK.

Tina drove slowly giving them lots of time to enjoy each others company. Bette would reach out to touch Tina, a pat on the hand, a stroke on her arm. Another time, she touched Tina face with her fingers, full of affection. The she rested her hand on Tinas shoulder, gently caressing her, rubbing her neck, and playing with her hair. Tina found it hard to concentrate on driving. Shes melting inside. It felt so good to be with Bette.

Its amazing how they are growing in their relationship. They havent made love that will happen when it happens. Bette yearn for the day when they are ready but for now theyre just learning to love again. For now, they have settled for the touching, caressing and gentle kissing. After a few unpleasant incidents, Bette had learned not to push Tina as she will only push her away. At least Tina hasnt stop her kissing and touching.

And they are learning to talk – not just talking at each other but talk to and with one another. Dr Marie Brandt has been working with Bette on this helping her to talk and share her thoughts and fear. It was one of the more difficult thing for Bette. She knew that for them to have a future, she will have to try. As much as she hated to admit it, her therapist Dr M Brandt has been great.

Bettes been trying to put into place many things Dr Brandt has suggested. One such thing is the pillow talk time. She would call Tina a few minutes before bed and talk. Bette would focus 100% on listening to what Tina is feeling and saying. No judgement or advice just active listening. So every night for the past 2 months, she has called Tina before turning in just to listen to Tina talk. While she loves speaking to Tina before bed, she didnt want it to be a task she had to do. So, she hesitated about the idea in the beginning but as usual Dr Brandt was right. It has helped her connect with Tina. Tina knowing Bette is paying attention and really listening have started opening up to her, more than before. Shes learning to trust a little more.

She still hated sleeping alone but she loved the fact the day always generally ended on a positive note She sleeps a little better now. When Tinas home she will finally sleep well.

And as the weeks progress, Tina would ask how shes doing and whats she feeling. Bette had to be careful that the focus did not fall back on her. She realized that while she needed to listen to Tina, she must also allow Tina to listen to her. As a result, Bette has learnt slowly to express herself more each time. At times, is was difficult to put them into words but she tries.

Dr Brandt has also asked Bette to practise to not let the sun go down on her anger. Bette realized that she can be quick tempered and often react negatively to things – she needed to be aware that her reaction does not cause Tina to withdraw and close up her feelings to avoid making Bette more angry in order to avoid another confrontation. Bette must make every effort to address her anger and ensure that she and Tina does not carry the hurt or anger around. They need to resolve the issues before bed and if they cant then they must promise to resolve it the next day. As they are not back together yet, some issues will have to be dealt with as they surface.

Through therapy Bette realized that her job would always be highly demanding and stressful when theyre preparing for new openings and shows. Since thats part and parcel of her job, Bette needed to have an Action Plan to include Tina into her life during those long hours. Scheduling Tina into her appointment books – taking time each day to reconnect with Tina. To have dinner with Tina a few times a week. During weeks where she has to be in CAC until late, she can invite Tina to be there with her. (Of course thats if Tina wants to. She can bring her work in, read a book or just listen to the music). And during days off, to make it a special time for both.

Dr Brandt has also pointed out to Bette how she has a tendency to unload her ***** on Tina the moment she arrives home – setting a bad tone for the evening. She is to work out a wind down time. Kit helped Bette to device a mood chart – based on the weather. Blizzard for extremely bad days; Windy for busy days; Storm for tough days; Rain for mild days; Cool for pleasant days; sunny for happy days; and Tsunami for all ***** break loose days. It has become the standard joke between the sisters now. Kit would ask Bettes how the weather. When B said Blizzard – Kit knows that she should avoid B at all cost if possible. They laugh a lot about this. The mood chart has made Bette realized that for a long while now she has been in a really crappy mood.

Dr Brand has also advised Bette to start listening to her body. She need to make time for rest so that the mental exhaustion and long hours does not wear her down physically. When the body is tired, it has lower tolerance level, making her more agitated and more vulnerable emotionally. She needs to sleep and eat well during those times. And lots of ***** with Tina, emphasizing, with Tina only! (this is the advise that Bette likes the most J) but is most frustrated about. It looks like she will have to wait for a while but its something Bette is willing to do to have Tina back in her life.

Bette knows that shes a workaholic and she loves the challenges, in fact, she thrives on them. The more difficult the task, the more she loves to tackle them. As much as she loves her work, she will have to make priority for Tina if she wants their relationship to work. Bette wants it badly for them to be together again. And she will have to work harder to convince Tina that things will be different.

Tina parked the car. She looked at Bette and said : Ta Dah! Were here!