Tina was dozing off, sleeping lightly on Shanes lap…

After a long night drive that calmed Tina, making her so relax that fell asleep on the car they headed back to Alices. Walking in Tina walked directly to the bedroom while a timid Shane was not sure what to do.

Arent you coming in? Tinas voice travelling to catch Shanes doubts, still waiting at the entrance.

Sure Shane added, walking in the bedroom, finding Tina lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, relaxing.

Come on in Shane, I wont biteand besides, this time am all dressyou wont see me naked again Winking at Shane Tina smiled, broadly.

You knew? Shane mumbled, shyly smiling.

Of course I knew dont you know your stare is as hot as your body?

Tina wasnt flirting, was just being honest, teasing Shane a little, seeing her embarrassment.

God Tee, youre a pregnant woman! teased Shane back, jumping on the bed, lying down at her side, looking at the ceiling with her arms behind her head.
Exactly my pointyou could not believe how horny I am all the timegod! Tina sighed, chuckling.

Quietly they stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, enjoying each others company.

Will you do something for me Shane? Tina asked, turning to look at her.

Shoot Answered Shane, nonchalantly.

Will you read to me? Tina said, seating on the bed, still looking at Shane.

Read? ..what? inquired Shane, seating too, resting her back on the wall.

Taking the diary from the night stand Tina handed to Shane.
Thisopen it wherever you want toherethis Tina was offering Shane her secrets, her memories.

Reading the first lines, realizing what it was Shane looked back at Tina, wondering.
You sure?

Completely Answered Tina, resting her head on Shanes lap.



November 28 1998.

Alice was late, as alwaysshe promised to be there way before the time but she just arrived a few minutes before the first guests did. I was nervous, very nervous as today was my big opening. I wandered around, checking everything to be perfect, too perfect Alice pointed outof course I wanted everything to be perfectit was my big day, so many important curators, the press and many new artists were going to be there and I wanted to impress them all…but then entering the Gallery like a breeze of fresh air in a hot summer night I saw herthe most beautiful creature Ive ever seen


The words were sinking in Shanes conscience, so powerful, so private, looking at Tina who had her eyes close resting on her lap, asked,

You sure you want me to read this Tee

Nodding with her eyes close Tina moved her hand to put in on Shanes leg, assuring her.

I want to share it with you Shane…this is the first time I read this and I dont knowI want you here (opening her eyes, looking up at Shane)you mind?

Of course not Shane whispered, smiling to Tina.



I didnt know who she wasshe walked in shyly, looking around, trying to rest her beautiful eyes on something. I followed her pace through the gallery, like a lost puppy, I could not leave my eyes from her back, her bare shoulders calling my name I followed her image through the crowdand then as I was going to walk to her Alice called my name, I had to looked at her and then as I looked back she was not there anymorethats when I knew itI had to know that womanjust knowing that she was no longer at sigh put a knot on my stomachthere was nothing else for me tonight, I didnt care for the opening, the press or the artistsI needed t know who that woman wasand then as I was talking with Alice, trying to find a plan, thinking about those beautiful long arms I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder and when I turned aroundthere she waslooking at me, smilingshe was with a man I knew from beforeI didnt hear whatever he said to me..I was nodding just trying to get rid of him, wanting her all for myselfI needed to know more about herher eyes were quiet, her smile telling a story that I wanted to know aboutshe followed me but it was me the one who was following her, following what it could be the magic in that smile, in the way she was moving her arms, her hands as she was talking, slowly, without trying to make any impression, just enjoying the conversation, so relax, so unthreading there was something pushing me inside, breaking all my walls, melting all my fears, all my defences I needed to touch her, to confirm what I already knew just by looking at her, how soft her skin was, how sweet the sound of her voice wasand then she laughed by something silly I saidI felt tears camping in my eyes just by the sound of her laughterjust then, as I turned my head to try to compose myself I heard she saying she had to go, Eric, her date was waving at hershe said something else but I didnt hear what it waswith each pace she took away from me I was feeling unable to breath, I followed her hips walking towards him, her long arms hugging hisher smile welcoming hisI knew it I know itfor the first time in my life I know what I wantI want herher name is Tinaas am writing her name now my hand is trembling, my stomach is spinning just by thinking about her they stayed for the dinner after the opening, and all Id was trying to get her attention, she didnt care , maybe she didnt notice, but all her attention was for her date, how she looked at him, how her eyes caressed his, how her smile hold the look in his eyeswith each gesture she gave him I was feeling sicker and sicker the whole dinner I was not able to touch anything with my hand, with the hand that touched her beautiful hair, the hand that lightly touched hers
Is it too late?
Did I just let my future walk away from me?
Why am I crying as am writing this?
Why do I think that if I dont get her attention, I wont be able to live a full life?
Remembering her smile I shiver, how could I feel knowing that her smile someday could be mine?, what if someday those arms hold me?
Ive barely known her and I know I need her, I want her but most important I want her to want me, to love me, to take care me
TinaTina is her name

Shane looked down at Tina, she was feeling her hot tears wetting her trousers, she could feel how moved Tina washow broken but still hopeful her heart felt there were no words that could erase the pain, no words that could hold her wounded soulthere was her company and Shane knew that Tina could take comfort from that.

Shane, could you see if there is something written about the next day? Tinas word flew like a prayer, like a lost wish.

Sure Tee Shane was turning the page, smiling as she read the time on the top of the page.


November 29.1998
TinaI say her name out loud as I write this, as a prayer, as a memory, as a hugmy future hangs between those lettersbetween those armsIve been in heavenand now my life has no meaningI will die if she walks away from me Fate showed me its cardsgave me its biggest giftan opportunity

I have no past as my future stays in those minutes she spent at my office, my future look through her eyes..
I need to write all this down because I need to know I was not dreaming about her, she is real and I kissed her. That was probably the scariest thing, the bravest thing I have done in my life.. I saw her, looking at me, not showing any emotions towards me I needed to know that she was aware of my presence, of my beingI needed to exist in her eyesI cant breath just thinking that Id be just and average person in the story of her lifeI need to be her life she is mine

God!…I dont know if there is one out there but I need to believe in herI need to believe there is god just to thank her for creating Tina

How long will it take for me to be able to hold her hand under the moon? to make her to smile while walking on the beach?… I just want to be with her…I wont mind waiting…as her smile holds my hand, praying…

I feel dizzyIve never been so moved by anyone in my lifehow this can be true? How can I know what my future isbut I knowmy future is TinaI just hope I wont be paying all my errors nowI need to believe in fateshe is my destinythe smiling gleam I saw in her eyes after kissing her holds me now I cant wait for tomorrow to comeId call her now, if only Id find the strength that is gone just by thinking about her lips on mine, her hand on my hip I need the sun to rise as I need the future to arriveTina Tinaif only I could call her