Part 10
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Bette and Tina
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Bettes eyes bled like an open wound, her face trembled and it took a lot of willpower not to break down completely. Or run away and hide somewhere and never come out again to face – and deal – with this nightmare.

TTina, I dont understand. Why are you? You cant be serious about This is not. Where the ***** were all the right words when you needed them so badly?

Im sorry I shocked you, Tina said, real regret showed in her voice. I havent been myself since since. She gestured weakly. You know.

Bette nodded. I know, came out as a whispered and tears started to make their way down her cheeks. Sorry. As discretely as possible she tried to remove the proof of pain on her face, not wanting to make Tina uncomfortable. Ive been such a crybaby lately, she tried to joke.

Since you know, Tina said.

Bette nodded again, even if the statement wasnt a question. Yeah, since then. She paused. Did you really mean what you said before about about?

About having ***** here and now? Get it over with? Tina asked neutrally, like she asked about the weather. Bad idea, ya think?

Bette flinched.

Tina sighed. No. No, not really. I guess I wanted to shock you, hurt you.

And that you did, Bette thought. And youve been so damn good at it lately. Before you always did your best to protect me, shelter me against the big and small baddies of life. Everything is so very different now. Everything.

***** is the furthest thing on my mind these days. The aggressiveness from before was gone from Tinas voice, now only sadness remained.

Do you think we could could talk? Bette asked tentatively.

Tina hesitated. Im not sure I have anything constructive to say to you.

Bette flinched. If she kept doing that every time Tina said something that hurt her, it might become a permanent feature on her – like a tic or something.

I really want to deal with this the mature way, but I cant. I want to lash out, I want you to bleed. Tina laughed, a hollow laugh that told Bette that it wasnt a laugh at all. Perhaps a clean and friendly divorce really IS a myth.

Bette flinched – again. Divorce?! Her voice and body shook from the shock. Youre thinking about a considering a. No, the word refused to pass her lips.

I dont know, Bette. I dont now what to do, what to think.

Bette wanted so much to say I love you, only you and Im so sorry I hurt you, but that would sound too much like Tinas harsh predictions when she recapitulated how their interaction could/probably would play out, so she kept it all inside, not daring to provoke a negative reaction to the sentiments.

Maybe it wasnt the right time. Maybe she set herself up for a lot of hurt by asking this question, but she just had to know:
Are you leaving me?

It seems to me that Ive already left, Tina answered coolly. Im living at Alices now, in case you havent noticed.

Bettes eyes closed. Why was she making this so damn difficult? Are you leaving me, her voiced thinned out to a pained whisper, for good?

Tinas only response was silence. An unbearable long and painful silence that crushed any hope in Bettes heart. She bowed her head, trying to hide the tears. I understand, she got out. I wont bother you about it again.

She wanted, no needed, to get out of this house, not daring to look at Tina, she turned around and began to walk.

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Marina, Jenny and Shane
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Jenny found Marina on a bench in the beautiful garden behind the house. She sat there still like a totem, eyes staring at nothing – or perhaps staring inwards, considering what her life had become. Or maybe she was just blank, like Jenny sometimes suspected her to be.

Marina was like this amazing but abstract picture. Youre not sure youre interpreting it right, not like the artist wants you to. Youve no idea if its really a fake, a deliberate con with no actual debt or message behind the breathtaking exterior. Was Marina a book with a beautiful cover, but no actual writing on the pages? An actor playing a part.

When Jenny was at her angriest this was what she thought, but at other times she saw Marina totally different. A haunted soul, smart and wise, but playing games, because she knew nothing else. Life had taught her how to survive, keep herself above water. A woman afraid of love. An actor hiding emotions, scared to death of being hurt.

The duality fascinated Jenny – and frustrated her even more. And it somehow made it very difficult for her to get this mystery of a woman out of her system – out of her heart.

And Marina really was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. A memory flashed by. And the best ***** that anybody can have on the ***** planet Earth.

Tentatively she touched the older womans shoulder, suddenly afraid that her presence wouldnt be welcomed.

Marina turned around to face her. Jenny, she said huskily, eyes red like she had been crying, but there were no evidence of tears on her face.

Im sorry? Jenny made it sound so much like a question, that Marina couldnt help but return it with a lopsided grin.

Jenny blushed, a shaky hand flew to cover a ***** on its way out.

Jenny. As always Marinas voice – ***** that; Marina as a whole – did something highly erotic to all of her senses. It equally scared and exited her beyond anything in her frame of references.

This is difficult for the both of us, Marina continued carefully. I know I hurt you. She paused. I now know a lot of things. She paused again, like talking was a painful struggle. But I can not change who I was. What I was.

WAS?! What do you mean by was? Jenny asked, not sure she understood exactly what Marina was admitting here. Sometimes the foreign part of Marinas language made a fairly large margin for misunderstandings.

It does not matter anymore, Jenny.

Jenny closed her eyes. Every cell in her tongue and every string on her vocal cords wanted to scream: ***** you, you elusive *****! but she didnt, something in Marinas eyes held her back. There was sorrow there, that she was sure of, but also pain and maybe even despair.

She felt warm fingers around her wrist. And suddenly lips engulfed her, devoured her, loved her, like no one, before or after, ever could.

For a short moment she was able to think: *****, I thought I could get words out her this time. And then everything but Marina lips on hers escaped her mind.

The words had to wait.


tbc
I know I know.always leaving you when stuff heats up. I just cant help myself. SORRY!
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