TINA & BETTE

Bette reached over and pulled Tina into her arms, whispering “I love you baby. This time will be better. This time will be better.” She released her hold on Tina, and getting off her knees, returned to her chair.

“Bette, I’m sure this isn’t quite how you wanted things, but for as much as I love you, it’s all I can give right now.”

Bette gave Tina her lovable puppy dog look, by pursing her lips while smiling, and raising her eye brows and scrunching them together at the same time. “T, I would be lying if I said this is exactly what I want. Obviously my first choice would be for us to at least be in the same room while we work through this together, but I know how incredibly lucky I am that you even want to have me in your life. Besides, I have to admit that my physical attraction to you is so intense, I am not sure how long I could be just your friend before I would want something from you that you are not ready to give.”

Tina smiled. Bette’s confession made her acutely aware of her own desire coursing through her body. God, the affect this woman has on me is overwhelming at times. “That’s one of the reasons I want some distance from you. I may not be emotionally ready to be physical with you, but that doesn’t mean the desire has gone away.” In fact, thought Tina, it is frustratingly present ALL the time!
They stared into each others eyes, seeing for themselves the desire each had professed. Tina knew she had to be the one to look away first, and tried to lighten the moment.
“***** Bette, when I’m around you I have no control. You might as well tie a string around my ***** and lead me around by it!”
Bette got a visual of leading Tina around by a string, as she shuffled along with her pants down around her ankles and her hips thrust forward. She burst out laughing. Tina breathed a sigh of relief that the moment had been broken and laughed with Bette.

Now that the moment was gone, Bette looked at Tina and very softly said, “Tina, may I ask you a question? Why did you wait to tell me today of your decision? I mean, when did you know that you couldn’t come back to me?”

“I am coming back to you Bette, just not in the way you want.” Tina looked down and felt her eyes filling with tears again. She didn’t know how to explain the emotional rollercoaster she had been on this week. There had been moments when she thought that maybe she could be Bette’s lover again…like last night, when Bette gave her the daisy. Tina’s heart melted just thinking about holding the petal in her hand and Bette saying “she loves me”. And, there was definitely more than one moment when they were laying on the couch before going to sleep when she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was right where she was supposed to be. But, when Candace had violated her beautiful dream, she knew that was her subconscious telling her there were too many questions, too much doubt. As much as she didn’t want to make this decision, she knew it was the right one, and she hoped that Bette meant what she said, and that starting again would make them better, as individuals and as partn..no…she couldn’t go there yet.

“Tina?” Tina snapped her head up, realizing she hadn’t answered Bette’s question.

“When did you know T, because it seemed like last night that maybe…well…like maybe…”

“I knew last night, well early this morning.”

“What did I do last night that made you feel like…I mean, besides the painting, did I say something that hurt you?”

Tina didn’t really want to share her dream with Bette, but felt that because she was asking Bette to be completely honest with her, she could do no less. She leaned back and rested her head on the back of the chair and closed her eyes. Images of the dream started playing in her head. She felt like she was watching an old silent movie, including black spots and scratches on every frame. “I had a dream last night…your dream actually. It was just like you described it to me, just like the painting…” Tina stopped for a moment and looked at Bette. “David did an amazing job with that painting. He captured everything about that dream so perfectly.”

It was Bette’s turn to smile. She was so excited to hear that Tina had experienced her dream. That had to mean something didn’t it? She watched as Tina closed her eyes again.

“I could feel the love Bette. God, I miss that feeling…I was laughing and hugging Mary…” Tears starting flowing down Tina’s cheeks and she made no move to wipe them. “You and I were so in love Bette, just like in the beginning…We were looking at each other across the deck…and all of a sudden Candace was walking over to you. She took you in her arms and started kissing you.”

Bette sat straight up in her chair and yelled, “No Tina!! No!!” She covered her face with her hands and started quietly crying.

Tina opened her eyes and stared straight ahead. “Right before I woke up, you had reached up with your arms and wrapped them around Candace. You both then turned to me and just laughed and walked away.” Tina started sobbing. “You walked away Bette…from both of us.”

Bette jumped up and ran to Tina’s side. “Oh baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I did this to you…to us.” She held on tight to Tina until they both got control of their tears and got their breath back. Bette took her hands and cradled Tina’s face in them. “Baby, I love you. You are the love of my life and I will spend this lifetime and the next if necessary proving that to you. Please don’t dwell on Candace. Please don’t give in to that fear. I promise you that I will answer all your questions as best I can about her and the feelings I HAD for her, but baby?” Bette stopped and directed Tina’s face so she could look right into her eyes. “Know that there is no one on this earth, not Candace, not anyone who I want to spend my life with except you. You are the only one. Please…please hear me and trust me when I say that. I will tell you this as much and as often as I need to…as you want me to. I will spend my life proving this to you, so that you can live all your waking moments and all your sleeping moments without fear…without pain. Please don’t believe that last part of the dream, because it’s not real.”

Tina continued to look Bette right in her beautiful, pleading eyes. “Why Bette? Why is your dream our destiny, and mine not real?” Tina slowly shook her head, trying to free herself from her demons. “We need to go now.”

Bette’s shoulders slumped down and she closed her eyes. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that it wasn’t true! She didn’t want to be with Candace! The last part of that dream wouldn’t happen God dammit!!!
But, she knew that she had no response to give Tina at that moment that would satisfy her…she just knew in her heart that it wasn’t true. The problem was, that Tina didn’t trust Bette’s heart anymore. She had no idea how to prove her love to Tina. Maybe Tina was right. Maybe starting over as just friends was the way for them to eventually come back together. She could only hope. She knew they had a lot of work ahead of them, but she needed to help Tina resolve her fears about Candace as soon as possible. She did not want there to be three people in this relationship, because if there were, they had no chance at all.

Tina stood up and reached out her hand to Bette. “Come on baby, let’s go.”