Chapter 66

Ok Baby – see you at home. YeahI knowINFANT CARE 101Yeah T – I know. Yes – yes Tina – I knowI love you too. Bye. Bette hung up her office telephone.

Jeez Bette – are you ok? You look a little palewhats wrong? James appeared to be genuinely concerned.

Tina and I have our first class on infant care tonight. James – I have not got a clue what to do with a baby. I cant change a diaperI know nothing.

Isnt that the reason youre taking the class? I mean if you knew what you were doing – why bother with the classeveryone there will probably be just as clueless as you are!

Gee James – thank you SO MUCH for the ego boost – you have no idea what youve done for my self esteem

I really didnt mean it that way Bette cut James off.

Yes you did – and the sad, sad truth is that youre right James! You should have seen our first Lamaze class the other nightGodenough to make you want to justI dont knowI think the reality of becoming a parent is really sinking in. Im going to have to be responsible – like all the time now! And I have to be strong for Tina right now – when Im scared absolutely shitless!

Bette – youre going to be fine. Youll see. You and Tina are going to be great moms. You know if you just love your kids – the rest is going to fall into place. Youll see.

James – youre so young and so wise. Where does your wisdom come from?

Actually Bette – Im full of ***** and have no clue what Im talking about. Actually – I have older sisters whove been through this.

Thanks James. Can I ask you something personal?

Yeahsure

Are youlikewellummmmsnipped?

James started laughing. Well, I didnt expect THAT question! As a matter of fact – yes!

I cant believe I just asked you thatIm sorry James Bettes face was flushed.

Its ok BettereallyDylan huh?

Yeah!

Do it Bette – just do it!

JamesI owe youtake the afternoon off – ***** – take tomorrow off too ok?

Surethanks Bette! Good luck tonight! Say hi to Tina for me!

James turned and left Bettes office. Bette covered her face with her hands. God. I am such an *****! Come on Porter – get a gripdo it for Tinaget a ***** grip!

Bette continued to function throughout the day but her thoughts were on one thing – and it wasnt ***** – it was babies! At 5:30pm she left the office and drove home. Tina greeted her at the door – all smiles. Hey Baby.okwhats wrong? You are SOOO transparent! Talk to me Bette

Im fine – really

Bullshit!

Ok – Im concerned that well never have world peace. It really bugs meand you know Tina cut Bette off with a kiss.

Ok Bette – spill it – NOW!

Oooh – I love it when youre firm with me T. *****!

Tell me or Ill tickle you! Ill tickle you until you spill it – or until you pee! The choice is yours!

WellIm feeling a little insecure right now about the parenting thingI just know Im going to ***** something upI just know it

Baby, youre going to be fine – youll do just fineafter all – youre just a big kid!!! So – I guess you could treat Dylan and Taylor the way you want to be treated!

Very funny Kennard! Its been a few years since I was in diapers

Ahyeaha few Babelike decades and decades

Well – thank you for the compliment DEAR! You sure know how to make me feelOLD!

BabyIm sorryyoure not oldyoure

Dont dig the hole any deeper Tinaplease!

Tina put her arms around Bettes neck. You know what?

What T? Not another insult – please

Boy are you sensitive – I said I was sorry

YeahI knowI know you are.

I think you just need some TLC. You have been there for me every step of the way – I owe you. I do owe you Bette. Youve been so wonderful – you really have. Maybe I havent spent enough time thinking about you – your needs, your fears, and your feelings.
So – when we get home tonight – Im going to spend some time on you – ok? You tell me what you want later – and its yours. Tina smiled at Bette and kissed her on the cheek. How does that sound Baby?

Bette let out a sigh and rested her head on Tinas shoulder. Sounds like you love methats how it sounds.

Hey – you look at melook at me. Thats how it is – not just how it sounds. I love you. Im so in love with you that I cant see straight sometimes. Tina kissed Bettes forehead.

You never see STRAIGHT T! Bette was attempting to be amusing.

Funny Porteryou know exactly what I mean!

Yeah, I know. Tina – Im usually so sure of myself – but not when it comes to thisI feel like an idiot.

Lets go to class and just try to have fun – ok? Tina winked at Bette. Come on – lets go have some fun!

Ok – lets go

When they arrived at their class their classmates seemed to be awfully young.

Bette whispered to Tina. ***** – I am old. These are teenagers!

They arent THAT young Babe!

Oh they look pretty damn young to me!

Ok everyone -welcome to class – my name is Megan

Bette looked up – she whispered to Tina. Oh – ***** ME – its her again.

Tina whispered back – Ill ***** YOU later – ***** – it is her again. This woman really needs to get a life!

Maybe we do too T – we keep running into her! Shoot me now!

Little miss HAPPY and PEPPY began a lecture on diapering. It went on and on and on
Ok- now each of you has a doll in front of you – treat it like a real baby – I want you to change the doll like you would a real baby.

A wide and extremely evil grin spread across Bettes face. She looked at Megan – then at Tina – then back at Megan. She picked up her doll and yelled to Tina. Heads up T! She threw the doll like a football. Tina managed to catch the doll – by its hair. Tina at first, appeared to be annoyed – but then burst out laughing. Bette totally lost it too!

Megan was appalled by their behavior! Id like you two to kindly leave my class – NOW!

Bette grabbed Tina by the hand and pulled her out of the room!

Tina looked at Bette and smiled. Well – I did tell you to have fun – I guess you did that. Smooth Porter – real smooth! So I trust that we need to find another – ah – venue for you to learn this ***** huh?
I guess so – Im sure were going to be blackballed from these classes from this point forward! Ill read a book! A book wont be nearly as cheerful as MEGAN! Im sorry – there is something wrong with that woman – shes too ***** happy all the time!

Bette – I thought we were deliriously happy too!

We are T – but we arent nearly as obnoxious – are we? God – we are – I mean – I am – I cant believe I did that – what the ***** got into me Baby! Its got to be stress induced behavior – maybe I need Xanax.

You dont need Xanax – you just need a HUGE dose of me – come on lets get out of here. Oh – and Babe – if you ever pitch the babies around like that Ill have to kill you – ok? Tina raised her eyebrow at Bette and smiled!

TBC