Bette and Tina spent the afternoon and evening out of the cabin taking a scenic drive and then stopping for dinner. Conversation between them had been light and about neutral subjects the entire time there were gone. By the time they got back to the cabin, they were both tired since they hadnt gotten a lot of sleep the night before. They walked back in the cabin and both of them plopped down on the sofa.

Bette Tina said. Thanks for taking me out of here for a while.

I enjoyed our drive Bette said.

I did too Tina said. Bette

What T? Bette asked.

Im sorry about the way I acted earlier Tina said. You know before we left for our drive. I just seem to be on this emotional rollercoaster. I was upset with myself for giving in to my feelings for you and I took my anger out on you.

Its okay T Bette said smiling because of Tinas admission of giving in to her feelings. I know we have a lot of anger and pain to work through. I messed up big time and youre entitled to be hurt and angry. Tina I can deal with your anger because I know how lucky I am to have you here with me. Im lucky you arent the type of person that would have thrown my clothes out of the house, changed the locks and never looked back or would have gone out and found someone else to be with just to even the score.

Bette I have no desire to be with anyone else Tina said.

Thats a good thing Bette said.

Would that bother you if I did? Tina asked softly.

***** yes it would Bette said adamantly. I know I would have no right to feel that way given what I have done, but it would more than bother me it would break my heart.

So you can understand how I feel about the thought of you being with her. Tina said.
Why I feel like I have to fight what I feel for you because I cant forget what you did. It would be so easy to just say I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but then I think about what you did and I know I cant trust that feeling. The trust is gone and without trust, no relationship can survive no matter how much love is involved.

Tina we can rebuild the trust from the bottom up Bette said. I know it would be hard work, but I am willing to do what ever it takes. We need to spend time just being with each other and learning to talk to each other again. We need to remember why we fell in love with each other and we need to work through everything even it means crying together, yelling at each other, holding each other if you will allow that. Tina we can begin now. We have the rest of the week here to start the process. Will you try?

I told you I would give you the week Tina said tiredly.

Tina I dont want to feel as if I am holding you hostage here Bette said.

Im sorry Tina said. I didnt mean it to sound like that. It seems, as if lately, all we do is say were sorry to each other.

I guess it is part of the process Bette said and then as an afterthought added. Maybe we should just make a list of all the things we are sorry for and trade lists.

Are you serious? Tina asked.

Maybe Bette said as she was mulling it over in her head. It might not be a bad idea. We could either, just trade lists and talk about them afterwards or talk about them one by one together.

You are serious Tina said.

Yeah I guess I am Bette said and then jokingly added. It might save some arguments if we apologize in advance.

I guess it might Tina said letting go of some of the tension and laughing for the first time in days. So if we make this Im sorry list, what are you going to come up with next?

Bette sat there thinking for a moment and decided that she would push her luck a little since she had gotten Tina to laugh.

Well you could make a couple more lists Bette said.

And what would these lists contain? Tina asked.

Well lets see. Bette said softly. How about you do one list about the 10 best memories you have of us being together and when your through and remember the wonderful times we have spent together, you could do another of the top 10 reasons why you should spend the rest of your life with the woman that loves you beyond reason.

What am I going to do with you? Tina asked shaking her head.

Spend the rest of your life with me Bette said lovingly. Love me, make love with me, laugh with me, cry with me and have a family with me.

I wish I could tell you that is what I want beyond a shadow of a doubt but I cant Tina said. There are moments when I think I should just give in and go with what I feel for you and to ***** with everything that happened. Then there are other moments when I think I am a fool for even being here.

Tina I dont want you to do anything that your not ready to do Bette said quietly. You have to make up your own mind as to what you want and what you can live with.

They both sat there quietly reflecting on things for a few minutes before Tina broke the silence.

Im going to call it a night Tina said as she got up from the sofa. Oh and by the way Bette, I will give you my Im sorry list tomorrow. Goodnight.

Bette got up from the sofa with a smile on her face because she knew she was making progress with Tina. It was slow and sometimes painful, but she knew that Tina loved her and she knew she was fighting her feelings. She headed in to the bedroom, got ready for bed and crawled in between the sheets. She lay there thinking about Tina and wishing that Tina would come and crawl in to bed with her but she knew that it was just wishful thinking. Her last thought before she fell asleep was that she hoped that tomorrow would bring the two of them a step closer.

The next morning neither of them ventured out of their rooms until almost noon. They had both slept in and had been busy making their Im sorry lists. Bette found Tina in the kitchen hunting through the refrigerator trying to make up her mind what she wanted to eat.

Find anything good in there? Bette asked.

Not really Tina said. What were we thinking when we bought this stuff?

I think we were both a little preoccupied Bette said. You want to get dressed and go and get something good to eat?

You really want to go out? Tina asked.

Sure Bette said. We arent on any time table here.

They went and got dressed and soon were on the road trying to find somewhere to get lunch. They headed out a different direction than they had taken yesterday so that they could see some different scenery. They wound up in a small town that had one country caf, a few businesses and a variety of small arts and crafts shops. After they ate lunch they spent the afternoon walking through the shops and checking out the wares made by the local people. It was an afternoon of fun. Enjoyable time just spent being together with no arguments and not one Im sorry. By the time they made it back to the cabin it was almost dark.

I had a good time Bette said.

Yeah, it was fun. Tina said. I loved that jewelry shop. Its a good thing I didnt take much money with me or my credit card because we might have been broke before I got out of there.

You should have bought that necklace you were eyeing Bette said.

It was too expensive Tina said as she walked to the kitchen to fix her something to drink.

Not really Bette said. You would have paid a lot more for something like that back in LA. I thought it would look nice on you. It matches your eyes.

You want something to drink? Tina asked trying to change the subject.

No thanks Bette said as she headed towards her room.

When Tina came back in to the living room she found Bette sitting on the sofa holding a folded up piece of paper in her hands.

Is that your list? Tina asked.

Yes Bette said. Before I give it to you I just want to say that I really enjoyed being with you today. Ive come to realize that is one of the things I had missed in our relationship. When we are together and things are good there is nothing that can compare to that.

I enjoyed being with you too Tina admitted.

Good Bette said smiling. Tina I had this ready before we left this morning but I had to add one more Im sorry before I gave it to you. I hope you wont be too angry with me when you see why.

Bette started to hand the paper over to Tina but Tina stopped her.

Wait Tina said. I dont have my list. Ill be right back.

Tina went to her room and came back carrying her list and she sat down on the sofa next to Bette.

So how are we going to do this? Tina asked.

I originally thought we might talk about them one by one but maybe we should take them to our rooms and talk about them later Bette said.

Okay Tina said as she got up from the sofa. We will talk later.

Tina walked in to her room and sat down on the bed and opened the folded piece of paper that Bette had given to her. When she opened it the necklace she had been admiring at the jewelry store earlier in the day fell in to her lap. Tina picked it up and held it in one hand while she began to read Bettes list.

Im sorry but I couldnt resist buying this for you. I told you that I thought it would look nice on you and I meant it. Please dont be mad or think I am trying to bribe you with gifts. I just wanted to buy it for you. P.S. I just added this to the top of list and just in case you are mad at me for buying it just remember because of this list I got to say I am sorry before the argument happened.

Tina laughed as she read Bettes words and then picked up the necklace and put it on before she read the rest of Bettes list.

Tina, my love, I could say Im sorry a million times for everything I have done and feel like it would never be enough, but you need to know that I am truly sorry for what I have done. Im sorry for all the pain I have caused you. Im sorry that I wasnt a stronger person, Im sorry I can be a real ***** to you sometimes, Im sorry that I didnt talk to you, Im sorry that I ever let anything get in the way of my seeing that you are everything to me. I could go on and on but I think you would get as tired of reading Im sorry as I could get saying it, but you have to know that I mean it with all my heart. Tina you are the love of my life and I hope that one day soon you will accept the fact that Im sorry for what I have done. I love you. B

Tina sat there for a few moments after reading Bettes words and she let her tears fall down her face.

While Tina sat in her room reading Bettes list Bette walked in to her room and sat down on the bed and opened the piece of paper that Tina had given her and began to read.

Bette I wasnt sure where to start so I thought I would just go with what is in my heart. I know you wanted an Im sorry list but when I started writing I couldnt just make it totally about that so I hope you dont mind I changed it up a little. I laid here in my room last night and this morning trying to decide exactly what I wanted to say and no words seem right. Im sorry if I ever did or said anything that intentionally hurt you in this process, Im sorry that sometimes I have to walk out when we are talking because I cant deal with my own emotions, Im sorry if I ever made you feel that you had to do something you werent ready to do, Im sorry that some where in the last year that you got lost, Im sorry that it took me a while to realize that a part of me got lost too, Im sorry if I wasnt giving you the things you need in your life and Im sorry that I cant tell you the words that you want to hear right now. Im sure there are other things I should be saying Im sorry for but for now the things I have listed weigh the most in my mind. Bette, I still dont know what the future holds for us, but I wanted you to know that I do remember some of the wonderful memories we have shared in our seven years together. Our first kiss, our first date, the first time we made love, when we moved in together, when we fully committed to each other and when we found out we were going to have our baby. Even though we lost him he brought a wonderful moment of happiness in our lives. Each of those memories holds a special place in my heart and always will no matter what happens between us. I love you and I always will. T.

Bette closed her eyes and sat there thinking how lucky she was to have ever had Tina in her life and she knew that what ever happened between them that she would always love her. Unbeknownst to Bette, Tina stood in the doorway of Bettes room watching her as she sat there with her eyes closed. When Bette opened her eyes she was surprised to see Tina standing there looking at her.

Hi Tina said softly. I want to talk about this list.

TBC