Dear Bette,

First off, let me tell you that I didn’t laugh at you about the whole Doritos and chocolate milk thing…Ok, well…I didn’t laugh in front of anyone at least! Sorry baby. If it makes you feel any better, I do eat endless amounts of sunflower seeds when I am on the computer. However, I don’t know why you are having such strange cravings, and even though I would have NEVER thought of that combination, thanks for the warning just the same.

Maybe this is your body’s way of telling you that you need to purge, both literally and emotionally. You have been keeping so many things in for so long. Just go with it and don’t worry about the weight gain…with your exercise regiment, you will have no problem keeping the weight off. Just remember to wipe off that chocolate milk mustache before you go out in public and you’ll be fine. :)



Forgiveness…wow. To be honest, I don’t even know where I am with that. I mean, exactly what I am forgiving? I am forgiving you for cheating on me in the first place? Am I forgiving you for staying with Candace? Am I forgiving you for allowing yourself to get to a place emotionally where you needed to go outside of our relationship for fulfillment, without coming to me first? Am I forgiving myself for putting so much pressure on you, and then backing away from you both emotionally and physically?

Sounds like there is a whole lot of forgiveness that needs to happen before we can move forward. But, I know that I have started the process. I have forgiven both of us for the hiatus we took from our relationship. There were many reasons that we did that, and we need to talk about them, so they won”t happen again, but I have forgiven us. I think I can forgive you for the initial cheating with Candace. As I look back on everything, I can see the mistakes in my head, one by one, that led up to that act of cheating. I do not condone it…I do not agree with it, and I am sure I will still carry some anger around for a long time, but I think I am at a point where I can forgive it.

Of course, there always has to be one thing, doesn’t there. For me, it is the fact that you stayed with Candace for months after you started having the dream. I don’t know how you could be dreaming of me, but waking up next to her. There is something about that vision, that makes me feel…uncomfortable. Bette, that is the one thing that I struggle with the most, and to be honest, I don’t know if I will ever get past it, and if I do, it won’t be tomorrow, or next week. I don’t know when it will come, but…I will be working on it. I will be working on forgiving you for that, because to not forgive you is too much of a burden to carry around. I cannot live my life the way I want to without totally forgiving you. So, I am working on it.

In the mean time, let’s keep talking to each other through these e-mails. God Bette, you have opened up to me more in the last several weeks, than you had the last two years of our relationship. I love it and it makes me want to hear more, no matter that it is painful at times. These e-mails keep me wanting more…more of getting to know you again…more of sharing everything with you. These e-mails keep me wanting more of you.

Hey, I heard a song the other day that reminded me of us, well…kinda sorta. I was listening to an oldies station and that song came on…I don’t remember the name of it…but the chorus was “Do you like Pina Colatas, and getting caught in the rain?” Remember that song…about two people who loved each other so much, but thought that their relationship was over, so they both took out a personal ad in the paper…only to answer each others ad…their love was meant to be. It just reminded me of us.

So Baby…do you like Margaritas, and taking walks on the beach?

Love,

Tina

~ ~ ~

Bette was sitting at her desk with a smile on her face. She had just finished reading Tina’s e-mail, and even though she knew they had a lot of work ahead of them, she felt…hopeful. Actually, she felt more than hopeful, she felt excited. Tina was slowly but surly forgiving her. Bette knew it would take time for Tina to forgive her for staying with Candace, Bette had yet to forgive herself for that, but at least they were on the same path…that was clear. As long as they continued to communicate and work on this together, they had such a good chance at making things right. And…Tina was obviously flirting with her at the end of the letter. Bette was so excited, she wanted to immediately e-mail Tina back. As she was just about ready to hit “reply,” James knocked on her office door. “Yea, James.”

James looked in at Bette and saw the smile still on her face. ‘Oh good. Maybe this won’t be so bad.’ “Huh…I was just wondering if you needed anything?”

Bette looked at James, confused. “No…why?”

James started to shuffle his feet. “Huh…well I know that you and Tina aren’t together anymore, but it must still be hard to see her like that, ya know? So, I just thought I’d see if you needed anything?”

Bette’s smile had disappeared. ‘What the ***** was James talking about?’ “James, I don’t know what you are talking about. See Tina like what?”

‘*****, *****, *****!!’ James thought that Bette had already seen the pictures that were plastered on the front of the weekly tabloids. ‘Oh God, please don’t let her kill the messenger.’ James took the magazine that he had been holding out from behind his back, and walked over to Bette’s desk. He laid it down and quickly turned around, leaving the office, mumbling how sorry he was as he left.

Bette looked down at the magazine and saw a blown up picture of Tina wrapped in the arms of Elaine Brown, holding her while Elaine was holding Tina’s face, kissing her eyes. Bette’s eyes filled with tears as she looked over to the smaller picture to the side, showing Tina and Elaine sitting in a cafe, holding hands, smiling at each other.

Bette burst into tears and lowered her head into her hands, feeling both confused and devastated. “Tina…no…please God, no…Tina??!!!”