Tina was so angry with Shane when she got back to the house she had to sit in the car for a few minutes. Thank God we are on our way to counseling. Why DID Bette call Shane, whats going on there? I wont be able to deal if something has happened between them. Tina finally took a deep breath and composed herself before going to the door to get Bette.

Bette walked out the door just as Tina opened the car door.

Bette: I was looking out for you. I dont want us to be late.
Bette grabbed Tina before she got back into the car and held her in her arms. As she stepped away from the embrace she looked Tina in her eyes. T, are you okay?

Tina: Yeah, Im just a little nervous thats all.
Bette: I am nervous too T, but I am more afraid what will happen if we dont get the help we need. T, I desperately need you in my life. I never knew love like this existed, and now that I know that it does, I refuse to let it or you go.

Tina smiled at Bette as they got into the car to meet their counselor.

The couple sat waiting to meet Dr. Carrie Sands their counselor. Dr. Sands finally came out to greet them; she escorted the pair into her office.

Hello ladies, please call me Carrie. I am glad to meet you I would like for each of you to tell me why youre here. Whod like to start?

Both women were silent, what a question, so much had led up to this”Tina finally started.
Dr. SandI mean Carrie. Bette and I had been in a seven year committed relationship. I love her tremendously. She is the first, last, and only woman I want to be with. With that being said about a year ago we decided we would start a family. I quit working to prepare for the pregnancy, that was my choice, my idea. Not the pregnancy but my not working. I struggled a lot with not depending too much on Bette; it was hard. I lost myself for some time. I also began to resent that my life wasnt complete. It totally revolved around Bette day in and day out. The sad thing is thats not totally true. I had a lot of free time and still ended up not knowing what all Bette was going through. Anyway after trying to find a suitable donor we finally got pregnant. So I had something to focus on. But we lost our son and the grief was too much to bear. Bette was great she took care of me. But somehow I must have forgotten to take care of Bette. She ended up having an affair a few weeks after we lost our son. I was devastated; again, I mean the affair was so out of character for Bette she has always been so committed, so loving, so in control, and principled; but somehow I must have let her down to the point she had to look outside of our marriage.

Bette listened to Tinas recount and the facts were right but Tina hadnt failed her and it broke Bettes heart to know that she blamed herself for the biggest mistake SHE had ever made. It was just that, her mistake. Bette interrupted, Tina the affair wasnt your fault. For some reason we stopped being us when we were planning on having a family. We forgot we were a family, just the two of us. I dont know, the affair was a mistake a huge mistake. I was running; from work, the responsibility of having a family depend totally on me, from grieving for our son. Tina I loved him too, so much, and it seemed like I just needed to be strong for you during that ordeal. I didnt want you to worry about me. Candace was a welcomed distraction”I had been taking you for granted and we stopped talking. I was running from dealing with our issues, but again Tina I told you. I was the jerk who allowed someone else to come between us, and for that I will be forever guilty.

Wow, Carrie interjected. Okay, so far I am hearing you both admit that you allowed other things to become more important than your relationship and Bette you allowedBette interrupted, fear I let my fear that Tina would see me as weak run me away, unfortunately to someone else. It wasnt Tinas fault at all. Someone I love and respect once told me I was a coward”I have to admit that at one point I was. Bette grabbed Tinas hand.

Okay all blame aside you are both obviously willing to take responsibility for your actions, What are your concerns now? Carrie asked.

Bette: Well I am here because recently I was attacked and raped and that seems to be the thing that brought Tina back to me. Believe me, I want her more than anything but I am having a hard time trusting that she is here to stay. I want to believe it, but I think if she were to leave me again, I would be devastated to the point that I would be miserable with life. Bette began to tear up. See the thing that Tina doesnt know is, I have never loved, will never love, and I dont want to try to love, and I dont want anyone else to try to love me other than her. I have never told her things like that. I am not good at it. I hold my heart tighter than I should when it comes to her, but its because I am afraid if she knew how much I loved her she would see it as a weakness. Well, thats what I use to think, until I was raped and attacked. See Carrie, Tina is the reason I’m here, the reason I fought back. I love her so much I couldnt imagine my life ending without her knowing how I felt. I vowed if I did get another chance I would show her daily how much she means to me. God, I really want to too, but I am afraid she will leave again. I wouldnt be able to bear it. Bette broke down and cried long and hard. Tina tried to console her. She was completely astonished to hear Bette open up like this.

Tina: Bette I have no intentions of leaving. Look, like you found out the night you were attacked that love isnt a weakness. I found out that love CAN conquer all. I remember the last words I said to you before you left me that night at Alices. I told you that sometimes love wasnt enough; but Bette I was so wrong. Love, true love is more than enough. I know that now. There is nowhere I would rather be, no one I would rather be with, ever. Tina was now crying too.

Carrie sat back trying to be objective. Her eyes began to fill with tears she quickly looked away to avoid her clients from seeing her emotional response to their admissions of guilt and love. Ladies I have to tell you that it is apparent that there is love here and that if you are willing to put in the work your bond can be strengthened in spite of the affair.

Tina I do have to ask you a question, Do you think you can completely forgive Bette for the affair? Do you want to?

Tina now speaking through her tears, I think I can, it may take some time and effort on both parts but I KNOW I can. And absolutely I want to. But sometimes, I wonder if I satisfy Bette physically sometimes I doubt myself in that department.

Bette: Tina are you kidding me? Tina I am crazy about you. Making love to you is more than perfect you drive me absolutely mad just the thought of you. You never told me this before, how could you ever doubt if you please me? I think we both let outside things interfere with how often we made love. If I had a complaint, towards the last few months, it would have been that I wanted you more often. Never doubt that okay, never”promise me you will remove that from your mind, completely. I feel so bad about the last night we were together after you found out about Candace. I tried desperately to force myself on you”to show you that I needed you and still loved you and wanted you. Tina I need you to forgive me for that. I never want to hurt you in any way shape or form, never.

Tina: Bette I ultimately ended up forcing you. Trying to reconnect and you are right, I was desperate too; but there is nothing to forgive”it happened and we were both there desperate in the moment, trying to be us again not knowing how to, trying something, anything.

Bette: I want to be completely honest about one other thing that I am sure will disappoint you Tina. God Bette sighed; that night after you left I went to Candaces.

Tina stunned and confused, Why, why did you go there, did you want a relationship with her, do you still want her? Should I be afraid you will leave me for her again? Tina now fearful and sobbing uncontrollably.

Carrie looked at Bette to respond. Bette searching for words. Tina, no I told you, I dont want anyone else now, then, or ever. I saw you take off your ring and I snapped and thought you would never return so I tried hopelessly to find some comfort. But there was no comfort there, no love, nothing but emptiness and pain. I treated her so badly when I did leave it was awful and I did it because she simply wasnt you. Tina thats why I want us to see her together, so that I can thank her and apologize too. I made an awful mistake with her Tina. And I swear to you I will never as long as I breath make that mistake again with anyone else, you have to believe me. It was a mistake, but it was a mistake I had to make to bring me back to my senses; to bring me completely back to you, and to let you see me, all of me without being afraid.

Carrie okay you want to thank Candace”the woman you had the affair with? Tina tried to clear up the confusion, Candace witnessed Bettes attack; she had apparently been stalking Bette.

Carrie: Okay what do you hope to gain from that meeting Bette?

Bette: I want Tina to see for herself what that was, and what that wasnt and I do need to apologize to Candace for using her to run away from my fears with Tina. I also need to thank her for helping apprehend my attacker.

Carrie: Okay ladies you got a lot out of this session we do need to stop.

Tina: Carrie there is one thing that I have to know.

Carrie nodded okay Tina ask your question and we will wrap this up ladies.

Tina: Bette whats going on between you and Shane? Are you attracted to her? Whats the deal?

Bette stunned at the question, T are you serious, me and Shane dont be ridiculous. She was the only one who took the time out to check on me after we broke up. Alice was too pissed and Shane was really disappointed but I think she finally saw how messed up I was and just took an interest in helping me through. T I was really *ucked up, badly. I mean thats why I was at the CAC in the middle of the night in the first place. I have to admit for whatever reason I am more at ease with Shane but T, its Shane shes laid back and unassuming, she lets me be me without judging me. She is like that with everyone. Its Shane.

Tina: Just be careful. She is developing some strong feelings for you and I dont want to have to deal with that.

Bette: Tina I dont want anyone else. Not Shane”not for anything more than a friend. Not even Angelina Jolie, okay? Bette said with a smile.

Tina laughed and grabbed Bettes hand.

Carrie: Good work ladies you all will get over these obstacles and be stronger than ever”if you want to and if you do the work. I have to say the two of you meeting with Candace may not be a bad idea if you both agree you can handle it. Lets make another appointment for two weeks good work ladies, good work.

As Bette was leaving she asked Carrie about her not being able to get close to Tina since the attack.

Carrie: Bette that will come with time, you will know when you are ready. I have to tell you some of your barriers could be up because you are still frightened that Tina may leave. You two still have work to do but trust me you will know when the time is right. She loves you. She will be patient.



Bette and Tina decided to go for walk together. They had discussed so many things in their session that neither of them knew. It was really very enlightening to find out so many new things.

Bette and Tina sat on a bench and Tina finally spoke. “Bette I think I do want to meet with Candace. I think it will be good for me to face this fear. I’m afraid that she will always be there as an option for you.”

Bette responded to Tinas concern, Tina there are no other options for me. There is you and theres me alone. Seriously, I dont want anyone else because there is no one else for me. You know several months back when we were looking for a donor and before we decided to use Marcus. I remember going to Kit because I was disappointed that you were having second thoughts about using a black donor. Tina tried to interrupt Baby I dont know Bette shook her head and interrupted Tina, No, no, we know how that turned out. Its okay Tina really. Its just I remember Kit telling me something that is ABSOLUTELY true. I had always just let you see what I wanted you to see, which meant I was holding back the things I thought you wouldnt like. The thing is now I know a lot of those things”my fears and my concerns. If I had let you in on them it would have saved use a lot of heartache. Tina I want you to see all of me completely and I wont hide or run. When we have issues we will deal with them.

Tina smiled at Bette and whispered Promise. Bette smiled back and whispered, I absolutely promise.

When they got home Bette and Tina decided to call and arrange a meeting with Candace. They both exhaled deeply as Bette dialed her number.

Candace: Hello?
Bette: Hi Candace, its me, Bette.
Candace: Oh, Ah God Bette its good to hear your voice. How are you? Are you okay?
Bette now holding Tinas hand: Candace I am much better. I understand that I owe you a debt of gratitude to you for that.
Candace: Wow yeah, I am a little embarrassed about that. But I would ride by the CAC just hoping to see you. I am sorry. I know that was wrong.
Bette: Look Tina and I would like to have lunch with you tomorrow. I really want to thank you in person.
Candace: What? Thats very unnecessary. You and TINA dont have to do that really.
Bette: Well Ill understand if you dont want to meet but I really”we really would like to just have lunch and say thanks.

Candace quickly reconsidered. She wanted to see Bette and though she would rather see her alone she would put up with dealing with Tina if she had to, Okay Bette I will have lunch with you guys when and where?

Bette: Hows tomorrow at The Planet at 12:00.

Candace: Great I will be there and I am looking forward to seeing YOU!

As soon as Bette hung up Tina asked Baby do you think we are doing the right thing? Bette said, I want you both to know that is a part of my past that will never reoccur with her or anyone else. I want to make it clear.

That night Bette and Tina laughed a little more than they had, and slowly glimpses of how they use to be were beginning to come back. They talked about a few things and were just more relaxed with each other. They fell asleep in each others arms.

When the awoke it was already 11:00 they quickly got ready and headed to The Planet. When they arrived Candace was already there.

Bette: Hi Candace thanks for coming.
Tina: Hi
Candace: Well Bette I was a little curious why youd invite me here.
Bette: Candace look I first want to thank you for helping apprehend the attacker. I dont quite understand exactly why you were there but I am grateful. Secondly, I need to apologize. I treated you so badly when I left you. I know it wasnt fair.
Candace looked totally shocked at Bettes admission, this, she wasnt expecting. She couldnt have expected.
Candace: Well Bette I dont know what to say. Dont you think you could have told me over the phone though? This has to be a little weird for Tina and its definitely strange for me.
Bette: I am sorry for how I treated you. From the very beginning I was using you to run away from my fears and concerns about my relationship with Tina. There was no way I would ever truly considered being in a relationship with you. How I used you was really *****. I am not proud of that and I want Tina to know everything so she and I can move past this. I love her and only her with all of my heart.
Candace: Oh are you sure you want her to know everything? Does she know you came back to me the night she left you?
Bette now smiling and very glad she was getting rid Candace completely said, “of course she knows there are no more secrets between us and Candace there never will be.”
Tina: Candace we knew this wouldnt be comfortable for any of us but really I need you to know that we are together and we will be together.
Candace sat there quietly and finally said, I get it now. You two are together you want me to stop stalking you. There is no chance in ***** that we will ever get together and you feel bad that you even gave me the impression that there ever was. Candace said sarcastically.
Bette: I think you got it.

There were awkward silences as the drink order came. Candace drank her tea and decided to skip the lunch. Look I wont deny that I am little disappointed. But really I am happy that you are okay. I wish you guys the best. Candace quickly got up and left the table she was beginning to get visibly upset about the entire meeting.

The day seemed to fly by Tina seemed so much closer to Bette now. She was happy they decided to meet with Candace. She always thought whatever they shared was deep and substantial now she knew it was as Bette had described. She was sure Candace didnt know anything more about Bette than she did. Of course, Tina still had problems with the idea they had been together”that still hurt and she was sure that it would for some time. She just wanted to be able to get past it.

That evening Bette decided to spend some time by the pool. It had been a pretty emotionally exhausting two days. She put on her bikini and just looked at the pool as the sun began to set. Tina walked out in her bikini and jumped into the pool. Bette had a magazine in her hand but sat it down and looked at Tina as she swam the length of the pool. Bette was looking at her lean body and she realized she wanted nothing more than to hold Tina and to kiss her.

Tina: Babe you want to get in it feels really good? At first Bette didnt hear the question she was noticing these feelings she hadnt felt for sometime awaken within her.

Bette: Oh no T I dont feel like getting wet tonight. She laughed to herself because she already was wet, just from watching Tina, and actually SEEING her for the first time in a long time.

Tina got out of the pool and toweled off. As she was toweling off her legs Bette got up and came up from behind Tina. Tina was startled and turned towards Bette. Babe whats wrong? Tina looked into her eyes and saw a familiar gaze of lust, want, and desire in Bettes eyes. Are you sure Babe? Bette answered excitedly, I have never been more certain. With that she took Tina into her arms and began to slowly kiss her. The kiss was long and deep. It took away their breath. Bette couldnt let go she slowly took her hand and softly reached for Tinas breast and Tina let out a moan that encouraged Bette to continue her slow exploration of rediscovering her wife.

Shane had walked back to the driveway to see if they were out by the pool. They hadnt answered when she knocked at the door. She wanted to come by to try to make things right once and for all. She noticed Bette and Tina kissing she could see Tina was becoming more aroused as Bette lay her on the lounge chair and began peeling off her bikini. After Tina was there nude”Bette undressed her own tone body. Shane felt herself becoming more and more aroused as she saw Bette stand there in all her beauty.

Shane couldnt look away. She started to rub her own wetness and getting lost in the moment of how and what she would do to Bette if given the opportunity. She couldnt believe she was having these thoughts but the images of her and Bette pleasing each other play over and over in her mind. The idea of it had her breathing more erratically. She heard a dog barking in the distance and came back to herself and decided she needed to leave.


Shane headed to Milk where she saw the same people she always saw and was very bored by the entire seen, except for one thing. She was still worked up with the images of Bette in her mind and she didnt want to go home alone. Not tonight”not after seeing that how could she?

As she walked up to the bar and order a shot of tequila she thought she saw a familiar face. It was Candace standing there looking just as pathetic as she did.

Shane: Hi
Candace: Oh God”everywhere I go I guess I am going to be reminded of her tonight.
Shane: Who?
Candace just looked there was no need for verbal response.
Shane: Yeah-I know the feeling.
Candace: Yeah I know that look whats going on?
Shane: Lets just say that its girl trouble.
Candace: Anyone I know?
Shane: Laughed yeah, biblically.
Candace: What you too? I thought you guys were just friends.
Shane: I did too but there is something about her that draws me in. She is just so.Shane stopped talking and looked at Candace.
Candace: What shes so damn what?
Shane: You tell me?
Candace looked deep into Shanes eyes and realized she was kind of hot, very hot and she didnt want to be alone tonight.
Shane: Looked at Candace as if she was reading her mind. Then she thought, I cant do this. I dont know her or like her and the only reason I want her is because she has been someplace I will never get a chance to go”this is crazy. Despite her own thoughts Shane took Candace by the hand and they left Milk together.

Dana and Tonya were walking in just as Shane and Candace were leaving. What the ***** is that about? she yelled.

TBC