The phone continues to ring while I weigh my options before answering. I could choose to let it ring again, not answer and go back to the computer where an excellent meal of donuts and Dew as well as the highly anticipated stories from HER and HER co-authors await my return. Or I could choose to do the sensible thing and talk to K, ignore the impulse, suppress the urge, starve the addiction.. Its a no-brainer . . . its Plan B – – I answer my cell just before the voice mail connects.

Hey babe, hows the project coming along? I wipe the white sugar from my upper lip and look for my tank top to cover up my nakedness as if K could see me. I hear dogs barking and people chatting in the background — a hectic atmosphere is not the environment in which K likes to work. This could be bad so I close my eyes, grit my teeth, regret my choice of Plan B and brace myself for her response.

Its actually going quite well,, she says with a pride in her voice. What they want is pretty simple stuff and some of the volunteers here have their own kennels and doggie b & bs so I may be booking some PAYING business.

My eyes pop open and I breathe a sigh of relief which I hope she didnt detect through the phone. Oh my gawd, K, that is great. I am happy it turned out so well- I was little skeptical about what they could want from you. So this is a good thing, right?

Yea, yea it is. Hey, what are you doing? Ive been trying to call for a while and the lines been busy Whats up.

Ok, here it is – my opportunity to stay the course, to continue the recovery, to do the right thing, to share with K . I breathe deeply and answer without hesitation. Oh man babe, I sorry. Ive been playing on the computer.
(so far so good).

Again? What are you doing this time?

Once again I answer without the slightest hint of deception. A good liar is always ready to respond quickly, convincingly.

Im working on the football pool thing. (LIAR) We got a about 50 people in it this year and Im trying to set up a list with all the names and weekly picks so I can track the winning percentages. With so many people in it the jackpot is going to be around $1500 – you should really think about getting in. (PATHETIC, WEAK, *****, LIAR . I HAVE MADE A VERY BAD CHOICE) As before, I close my eyes tightly and grit my teeth preparing for the detective-like grilling I am about to receive.

Are you frickin kidding me? she LAUGHS ! . I know nothing about football, you know that.

Again the sigh of relief, yea, but thats the beauty of it. You could pick winners based on your favorite color or animal or how the players display their packages “. I bet that you would be right more times than those who are going to study win/loss records and stats and stuff. Come on, think about it.(A PERPETUAL LIAR)

Believe it or not this is actually the hard part for me . I KNOW that K knows nothing about computers , because if she did she would know that the program I use to track the football pool results isnt run on the internet thus I wouldnt be using the modem thus the phone line would not be busy. I lie to her because I know I wont get caught. I am so pathetic and I choose to blame YOU GUYS

Ok, whatever, — that;s not why Im calling, she explains. Listen hon, I felt really bad after I left this evening cause I kinda got the feeling that you had something planned for us – a surprise that I may have messed up. Ive been worried about you lately and I thought that maybe you wanted to talk about something and I didnt give you the chance.


No, babe, nothing like that. ( LIAR) Dont worry about it , dont feel bad. Everythings fine.


Well I do feel bad and I cant believe I didnt ask you to come along, She is sounding very sincere and I am getting a little nervous. After that quick hour and a half shower we took earlier I was running a little late (I could feel her smile through the phone!)- you are such a pleasant distraction in my life .I love that about you, I love you for that. I really should have asked you to come – Im sorry I didnt – I miss you . I wish you were here right now.

OH MY GAWD – I cant answer right away because I cant bring myself to lie after that declaration. In fact Im feeling a bit weepy – (THERES NO CRYING IN CYBERSPACE) .

Hey, you still there?

Yea, yea Im here – just thinking about tearing up after that little schpeel — thank you babe for saying that. I love you too, you know that, right? Besides I probably would have said no just because thats your thing .You know how much I want our lives to be separate enough so we dont get tangled up and smother each other. I realize you need your space babe, especially when we move in together.

OH MY GAWD—WHAT THE FU*K DID I JUST DO?? WHAT DID I JUST SAY??
NOT LIKE THIS – – NOT TONIGHT— NOT WHEN SHE; IS IN THE OTHER ROOM WAITING FOR ME –NOT OVER THE PHONE— FU*K, FU*K, TRIPLE FU*K. I CANNOT I BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT. I SHOULD HAVE OPTED FOR PLAN A.


It was Ks turn to be silent for a moment. I waited, waited, waited . . . . . K . .you still there?

TBC . . .