Fan Fiction
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A Peek into the Life of One Fanfic Writer
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Where or where do I begin this story? For you other fanfic writers this might be a common thought for you many times when you sit down to write a new chapter or start up a new story. For you readers maybe this story will help you to understand in some small way what a fanfic writer (at least this one) has experienced in the course of writing an L Word fanfic story.
This story is going to be a little bit about me, a little about the show but mostly about my jumble of thoughts about this board and about writing a fanfic story.
Background info about me: I am a 47 year old woman who will have been married for 28 years on the 20th of this month and I have two daughters that are 23 and 19 that both still live at home. My daughters love to harass me about watching the L Word and staying on the computer reading about it. Little do they know that I spend hours writing fanfic about it. My oldest daughter has now playfully declared that I must be a ***** and so I have taken to telling my husband that he must be a ***** too (which he thinks is funny. Great guy I am married to!).
About the show: In case you havent been able to tell I absolutely love the show and most importantly Bette and Tina (as I am sure you could tell from reading my fanfic). I have questioned myself many times as to exactly why I love these two together given the last half of the season and I have come up with only a few answers. The first is that Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman have sold me on Bette and Tina loving one another with their loving looks, their small touches and their interaction with each other. Not only on screen but with the comments they have made in interviews about their characters. The second is that I love watching a good romance and I believe in true love (guess that is why I have been married for almost 28 years).
Now on to the rest of the story (hope I havent infringed on Paul Harveys trademark by saying that) about this board and about writing a fanfic story. I happened on to this board one day and as I began to read some of the stories I became intrigued. The problem was that there were so many stories by many different authors and I didnt have a clue which authors were the best so I posted on one of the boards I frequent and asked for advice. Some of my fellow posters made recommendations and so it started. I became addicted just like many others of you to these stories.
After a while of reading the stories I began wonder if I could write a story Now you have to understand that I had never written anything beyond a letter at work but I somehow got it in my head that I could do this or at least try. So each day after coming home from work, I would log on to my computer and try to catch up on my favorite stories and all the while thinking what could I write about, what storyline could I come up with. There was no doubt it would be about Bette and Tina but I had to come up with something that I felt like I could write. After much thought I finally decided on a storyline and so my fanfic writing began.
Writing a fanfic and posting it on this board can bring so many things in to a persons life, joy, happiness, agony, self doubt, sadness, laughter and frustration. Now I am sure that not all writers experience all of the things that I have listed but sometimes I experience those things all in one night in one chapter. I love to write but sometime it is hard on me because in order for me to feel as if it is any good I have to be able to feel the emotion and I have to feel as if I could see the character saying the things I have them saying. I often would struggle finding the right words to start the chapter and then again finding exactly the right spot to end the chapter. For those of you that have read my fanfic know that it was crucial to me to leave you hanging and for my stories to bring the angst. Im not sure but I may be the only writer on this board that has been accused more than few times of having people fainting on their keyboards due to lack of breathing, of bringing on heart palpitations, driving people to taking Tylenol, Extra Strength Tylenol, Xanax, and driving them to drinking (various drinks of the readers choice). I dont think I missed any but I think you get the gist. I just thought you guys might get a kick out of knowing that while I was putting you through the angst what I was going through and thinking so listed below are just a few of my jumbled thoughts about the things I have experienced during writing my fanfic:
Enjoyment-I love writing the fanfic and overall I really enjoy the writing except when I feel as if I have hit a brick wall or feel as if I have been beating my head against the wall considering I have been sitting at the computer for two hours and have written two sentences. For the most part I really enjoy reading the comments left by each of the readers except when I read the comment and I am not sure what they meant or how to take what they said. Was that good or was it bad?
Happiness-It makes me happy when I complete a chapter and post it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment if I feel the chapter is good. It makes me happy when I read comments left by you readers saying how much you enjoyed it and I was even happy when you harassed me about the angst.
Agony-As I mentioned above in order for me to feel the writing is any good I have to feel the emotions the characters are feeling so I had to feel in order for me to write it and I think that some of you felt it too when you read it. The writing also brings me agony when I sometimes would go back and read the story and think oh this chapter sucks. I shouldnt have posted it yet or I should have done this differently or why did I write my self in to this corner. Since I read other peoples fanfics I also would read some of my favorites and think, I wish I was as creative as them. I wish my writing would flow like theirs. In my mind I still have a lot to learn about the art of writing but I am trying.
Self Doubt-For the most part this is the same as the agony with an addition, Readers comments. For me and I think I could speak for some of the other writers in saying that readers comments are what keep some of us writing and help us sometimes overcome a writers block. Now just speaking for me the readers comments or I should say lack of comments plays with my head and makes me doubt my self. After posting a story it is always fun to go back in and read what the readers are commenting about because I love the comments. Where the doubt comes in is when you have posted several chapters and you seem to have picked up a faithful group who routinely comments and then suddenly one of those commenting quits posting a comment and you think was this chapter not as good as the rest. Did I drive them away because I had too much angst (queen of angst I have been named by one certain writer on this board). You then post the next chapter and you pick up a few new people commenting but another of the faithful has gone away. It is a self imposed doubt on my part that just makes me wonder just exactly what I wrote to drive them away. (Think I am a nut case yet. LOL)
Sadness-Why did I have to write so much angst? I made my self sad writing it but I had to stay true to what my feelings were about my storyline. I dont know if any of you other writers do this to but if you do would you let me know so I wont feel that I am alone on this.
Laughter-I know that some of you might find this hard to believe considering the amount of angst I had in my fanfic, I actually laughed while trying to write some of it. Most of what I laughed about never managed to stay in the story because after typing it, I would take it out because it just didnt ring true, that Bette or Tina would say that.
Frustration-Oh the frustration! Writers block is a terrible thing as all of the fanfic writers can tell you. How about frustration that you wrote nearly a page and shut down the computer with out saving what you had typed and it was really good stuff? How about frustration at knowing what you want to say but not being able to get the right words to come from within your head.
I am telling you guys that sometimes this writing business is hard work but it is worth it to get a feeling of self accomplishment and to get the pleasure of reading your comments even if I dont always understand them. So to all of you faithful readers I thank you!
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How do you have the nerve to read the reviews? I would be intimidated!
Some creative people never read critics reviews because they are concerned it will interfere with their process.
I think it is brave.
very good thanks for sharing this. I try to comment on everything I read even if it means coming back just to add a comment. You think of what the writer was thinking when u see a plot images of the tales from the crypt guy when u just know someone’s going to die. The effort that the writer’s put into to bringing these stories to us to read awesome…
Yeah, sometimes we feel redundant with our comments and don’t want to repeat ourselves. And sometimes we are just lazy.
Yep, redundant & lazy or sometimes we are catching up on chapters and only post a comment on the most recently posted. I guess those of us who only read/comment get writer’s block too :)
Thanks for sharing the joy, happiness, agony, self doubt, sadness, laughter and frustration of fanfic writers with us readers. You really are a great writer!!
You are far from alone newwriter when it comes to the sadness/angst department. I’ve been following “The long road…” from the start and have loved it. It’s not easy to write the sad scenes but without them you only have half the story. Victory is sweeter when it’s been hard won. You’ve done a great job. Thank-you.
Oh man, you totally hit the nail on the head with ALL that you just wrote! Let me tell you, THE FRUSTRATION with my writer’s block right now is the worst. Geez, I really would like to start again and finish my We are Family! Series before Season 2 actually starts. But, a las, it’s one of my GRAND stories and my muse always (I always write to my muse and to how she directs me) has this sadistic way of letting me finish poems, and one-shot fics. But, not my novels, my multi-chapter fanfics. She’s a bitch, but I’ll be damned if she treats me good when I respect her enough to lead me whilst writing my stories. You’ll notice I am Type-A Writer. Not to be mistaken with a Type-A personality. Quite different. Type-A writers, believe whole-heartedly that they were put here on earth as storytellers, not knitpicking editors. Thus, this is our muntra. “Those who can write, write! Those who can’t, edit!” Therefore, my stories are full of tense, spelling, and grammatical errors. But, I’ll be damned if I don’t kick-ass with the storytelling. I love putting pen to paper, and am quite thankful for it especially when my muse inspires me and I am not around a PC to be able to capture my story onto an actual medium. It sucks however, that my left pinky gets in my way a lot, it gets sore-n-stiff due an stupidity several years ago on my part. My “wife” Wolfy is actually impressed my typing abilities (she’s impressed with my writing abilties also) and she’s my biggest fan. Forunately, I wouldn’t have it anyother way.
Okay, I am rambling. I’ll stop now, but I am giving you 5-stars.
PS: If, I don’t post a comment, it’s because I am unable to get online, therefore unable to read your story. Sorry!
This is the first time I ever leave a comment on any of the fanfic eventhough this site has been filling up every free time that I have for so many months now. Now that I know how comments or feedback means a lot to some writers, I think I owe you one. You are one of The L Word fanfic writers whom stories I wouldn’t want to miss. It’s not for me to judge on your writing as I’m no expert in that department. However, the storyline is always fascinating and makes me wanting for more. Sometimes it is sad knowing that the series has come to an end eventhough it ended with a happy ending.
I really hope that you have started with a new series already as I’m looking forward for it. Great work!
Thank you for sharing this with us. I try to leave comments on all fan fictions I read because I know the amount of time and efforts that go into writing them and in some small way, I want the writers to know that we, the readers, really appreciate it. But sometimes when I’m trying to play catch up with all the stories (especially if i’ve been away for a while or swamped with work, life etc), I may have missed a few…and like techgal says, sometimes I can just be plain lazy *feeling sheepish now*
I have enjoyed every single one of your stories and I truly think you are a brilliant writer. I look forward to reading more materials from you soon.
No Thank You.. You rock, and I do love your stories. Sorry for not always commenting , but I am so glad you do what you do.. Thanks again.. from another married for over 20 years L-Word fan..
Thank you,Luv,for sharing your feeling. All you writers intrigue me. Heck,I didn’t know that fanfics exist before TLW. Now, I am addicted to them. I am glad that I have priviledge to read all beautiful writing from my favorites writers.I am not good in words.I can’t express enough how grateful I am to be able to share your passionate and hard works in bringing our B&T stories to life. I hope to see you write again. Thanks again for your wonderful series.Have faith in our beloved couple.Happy thoughts.:)
Thank you so much for sharing – it’s so exciting to get a peek into another writer’s head/life. The frightening thing is, I can relate to your piece on so many different levels! In fact, as I read, I felt like this was almost like a biography of my life! I too wonder what happened to past posters and question my writing (which obviously scared them away). I can also relate to the many emotions you wrote about (when reading and writing a fanfic) as well. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who has hit the brick wall and suffered writer’s block…only to find fuel and motivation from the sweet posters that always encourage the writer to get their butt in gear and continue. Again, thanks for letting me take a peek inside newwriter’s head and hey – I didn’t even take an Extra Strength Tylenol for this chapter! Maybe you’re not the Queen of Angst…ah, who am I kidding, you rule the Land of Angst (lol)
Thank you for writing this. It’s so awesome to get to know the person behind the story. We are all eternally grateful to you and all the other writers on this site for your contributions to the L Word Fandom. Without your stories these months between seasons would be utterly unbearable. Thank you soo much for sharing your talent and creativity with us. Concerning comments I agree with T. because I often find myself playing “catch up”. I do however try my best to praise all your hard work and effort, and will try even harder from now on. ;) Please keep writing, newwriter!! You’ve got quite a knack for it!
I totally relate with most of what you wrote. On leaving comments, I try to leave one for every story even just to say I liked it, because I know for myself I like to know at least one person reading it. It’s good when they leave comments either positive or negative. Also if a writer has posted more than one chapter when I’ve logged on I usully only comment on the last one because I want to get to the next one. I don’t know if I’m making sense I think I have comment and writer’s block.
Thanks for writing this Luv and I look forward to your next story.
Well, I’ve explained my process. I write fanfic because I don’t like how certain outcomes on my favorite shows (about my favorite characters and couples) are left, treated, disrespected, etc. God, I just love how The L Word is so into the drama and characters, the show just draws me in, makes me want to know more about all the characters-but, mainly Bette and Tina-I love the psychology of character development, I love studying body language-reading between the lines of the dialouge all in order to get to the truth of the character(s).
gargyandwolfy@yahoo.com you can e-mail me and ask me more! ;D
A fan/fic fan I have considered writting a story, but then I said to my self do I really want to open myself up that much. I write poetry and I have taught poetry classes and I write my lectures for preperation for my classes. But I see them differently in this sense, they are short and only require a certain amount of my time. Writting a story takes a lot of prep. time and determination and committment. I believe in committment in every sense of the word. If I started a story I would feel bound in doing it until it was complete. So I don’t feel confident in myself to start and break my committment. But I do admire the ones who do put themselves out there and are willing to take the heat of the fans. I am also 47 and I am blessed to be with my partner for 28 years. I played sports in high school and in college, but we meet in our senior year of high school. She transfered from another state and she happened to played softball. I was the pitcher and she was my catcher. Go figure. I am a Philosphy Prof.,and I love my fan/fic stories. Just wanted to give a little background from a fan/fic reader. Thanks for all of the writers and I hope that all continue writting. By the way there have been times I’ve gotten a double scotch or brandy from reading your story and others as well.
Do know that there are readers like me out there that don’t feel like commenting on overy chapter, but deeply appreciate your time and efforts, especially the storylines that you unfold and I am sure most smiling knowing that the next chapter or story is around the corner at the end of the day.
It may look like only 15 comments are average per story, but infinitely more lurking on the site!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I salute you for writing such a good story. I love reading fan fic stories but I think I have quite a short attention span when it comes to writing it. Thank you all fan fic writers for your time, commitment and perseverance and determination to write the stories. I personally have been quite stuck with this site for several months by now. I first stumbled to this site when they’ve just begun… the old fan fic stories.. way back then. LOL. since then I’ve been hooked. And I do have a list of my fav writers, I won’t mention it here because when there’s a new one like you come along for instance, I do check it out anyways and joined my fav writers’ list. Oh btw, just a note for skipton.. you write so fast, sometimes I don’t leave comments because by the time I refresh the page you’ve already come up with a new chapter so I just read the chapter and leave it on the last chapter I read that night or morning or noon. Thanks for making me laugh, think, smile, tormented… lol.. loved it all.
Nice to meet you newwriter, thanks for sharing a little bit of yourself with us.
I like to comment on stories, hell I love to do it (my own personal outlet), but I sometimes don’t for all the same reasons expressed by others here. But I will make more of a concerted effort from here on out, especially where your stories are concerned. :)
I just dared starting my own story, so I can relate with the whole looking at comments for encouragement, etc…
Keep the stories coming!
Thank you for posting some personal insight behind your fanfic. I’ve gotten to know a couple of the fan/fic writers outside of leaving comments and it’s been a positive influence on my writing and social life. Your stories have been good and I enjoyed reading them. Sometimes I read and forget to leave comments, which is bad because I know I like to read what others think about my stories. In instances where I forget, I try to play catch up and leave a comment on the latest chapter. Writing is a therapeutic release which I’ve used almost my entire life. When I’m not writing, I’m reading. It’s a vicious cycle! LOL! Overall, I think this site helps L-Word fans to share their ideas on the show, express their creativity, network, and simply have a good time. You are to be commended for opening up and sharing your inner self with us. In addition to writing fanfic, I write stories and poems. I am currently working on getting some things published (lifelong dream). But I won’t talk you all to death (lol) and anyone who wants to email me, feel free to do so at Blujewel13@aol.com
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I really relate to the self doubt linked to the comments.
Thanks for this post. It is nice to see someone else is riding the emotional rollercoaster. I’m guilty of not always posting comments even though I can’t wait to see the comments when I post. I hope you will be gracing us with a new story soon.
I try and leave a comment of some type each time, but sometimes when I get online there are 3 or 4 chapters of a favorite story (skipton for one:)) and I impatiently go from one to another without posting a comment…a big shout out to ALL fanfic writers who share with us their POV…their imaginations…so many times I think of submitting my own story and then I lose my nerve…I read such intense and well written adventures here and convince myself I could never stand in the same room with any of you…I’m so happy I found this site many months ago and I am more than appreciative that you wonderful writers have not given up or dwindled away (well some of you have but I believe you’ll come back someday:))…bravo to all you ladies for your insight…your trust in your readers to be honest with their comments…it may sound corny but we’ve got a great “family” of sorts here…lets continue to to support each other, not only until S2 begins but for many years to come…you guys are the best…love to you all!!!
Thank you for this insight. I think we all feel the same way about writing these stories. I know I do anyway. I do enjoy your stories and as I say in my comments I leave, all the writers of fanfic are very talented.
I write because I love the show and can’t bear to believe the direction they seem to think B&T need to go. So in my weird little mind if I write happy times, I believe there will be happy times. And I also hope that the creators of the show will read some of these fanfic’s and get some great ideas.
I agree with everything you covered in your post. The writers block, the enjoyment, the frustration all of it I feel every time I write. But to me the comments keep me going, they tell us if our efforts are worth our time, worth the late nights and lost sleep. They help us get to know the other writers and readers.
So Thank you newwriter for bringing these thoughts to the surface, great piece of writing.
Thank you for this newwriter. As you can see from the comments, there is so much we all want to share with each other…those of us addicted to this site for whatever reason.
I too endure the late nights and loss of sleep that Georgia spoke of…the frustration of wanting to do justice to the love that is shared between two people, whether their names are Bette and Tina or not. And if the readers out there don’t think their comments matter…well, they have talked about how a story can bring them to tears, I too have shed tears, but they were tears of joy from reading certain comments left by the readers. So thanks to both readers and writers! If someone wants to know more about me, although I promise you, I am not nearly as interesting as Bette and Tina are in these stories, feel free to e-mail me. Thanks again Newwriter!
Thank you for all your thoughtful comments and praise. I was a little afraid to post this story because of it not being a fanfic but I am glad I did. You are the best!
Thanks for posting this about yourself. It’s obvious that many of us share the same feelings.
It would be very cool to learn a little bit more about the writers – what makes them tick
Thank you for your time and talent. Both provide such a range of emotions for me as I lived every twist and turn B & T endured. Thank you for the happy ending. Look forward to reading more.
Sorry this is a little late. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what it’s like to write a fanfic story. I had no idea all these emotions were involved in writing a story. I think it’s really something to go through all these emotions when writing a story, but to actually open up to readers and writers this way is just brave. Thank you for writing your stories, I thought they were really great and awesome. If you write another series I’ll definitely be there to read it and leave as many comments as I can. Thanks again newwriter, this was really great.
Newwriter…I appreciate the honestly with which you write, not only your story, but this letter to us. I truly love the show and though it provides an emotion wash that I enjoy, I can’t imagine the strength it takes to take and blaze a new path. You have a gift! Thank you. Keep writing!!