After graduation we did go our separate ways beginning our lifelong journeys to self-fulfilling, and meaningful careers. Bigs opted for a small private college in northwest Ohio, majoring in marketing and travel and tourism. She landed an internship one summer with the Columbus Convention and Visitor Bureau, and after graduating the next year she was hired in their film commission division. Nearly 16 years later she is the number two person there (of course answering to a straight white male) and her contribution to the missions has been absolutely invaluable over the years. She has contacts in the film industry and can get locations, itineraries, and knows practically every movement of our marks. She knows everyone in the hotel business and gets us comped rooms everywhere we go, so our expenses our pretty minimal on these trips.

Sugars life remained as glamorous as she is, attending Ohio State, becoming a cheerleader there, majoring in law and eventually moving to DC. I believe the woman wore Jill Sanders way before Bette, and I believe the woman thinks she IS Bette– attractive, aggressive, successful, controlling. Shes a lawyer working for an independent watch-dog agency which monitors the activities of various groups involved with human rights issues of all kinds, domestic and foreign. From aids, to ***** rights to womens rights to anything minority from the abuse of the civil rights of African Americans to the mistreatment of immigrants from all nations. The violation of children in any way shape or form is big with her agency as well. They lobby politicians and provide legal services when needed. The agency is huge and privately funded and Sug handles a lot of the ***** stuff — (***** by association she claims ! ) and kid stuff. Like Bigs connections with the hotels and film people, Sugs legal knowledge has come in handy many times during our missions and kept us from doing much jail time !

As for me, I waited a year before going back to school – decided I should find myself, get a little direction in my life. But everywhere I looked I only saw water – the sand, the sun, the surf calling me, drawing me to its shore. So I decided on a career in education; not so much to make a difference in a childs life, but more so to have my summers free to spend it at the beach !! Im still searching for myself, have been through four major career changes, and will decide what I want to be when I grow up when I grow up. Right now I just want to meet my friends and get on with the business of chasing L!

Ladies and gentlemen, at this time we ask that you return to your seats and fasten your safety belts. The announcement from the cockpit startled me and woke me right up not believing I had slept the entire three-hour plane ride. I pulled my seat into the upright position and anxiously awaited our landing just 15 minutes away. The Dramamine had kept me from getting sick, and I was feeling groggy but surprisingly refreshed.

We landed without incident and I sat there waiting for those around me and in front of me to exit first. I had checked my two pieces of luggage and carried only a backpack off the plane with me. As I walked up the covered tunnel from the plane to the terminal I saw them – the only two people still waiting for passengers to deboard. My heart was beating rapidly and I fought the tears which began welling up in my eyes – god they looked great!

There was Biggie, a misnomer of a nickname because she is anything BUT, wearing those tight low-riding size 5 (*****) jeans with a pale blue sweatshirt . The sweatshirt read A LITTLE ***** NEVER HURT ANYONE and pictured a cat on the front licking its paw. Then there was Sugar, looking stunning as usual in a pair of tan pants and a long sleeve black turtleneck with the words GOD MADE ME ***** on the front – she may be a lawyer but she is a moron. She came into town a day before me and I worried what those two could be doing. Seeing her in that shirt made me all the more afraid.

They stood there staring at me, arms crossed at their chests the both of them watching me approach like I was a bad child heading to the principals office (probably pissed because I was delayed and the last one off). They didnt look happy to see me but I knew better. Without saying hello I blurted out, Jesus Christ, Sug YOU ARE NOT ***** !! Without saying hello she held her palm out to Bigs and snapped twice. Bigs produced a $5 bill, the loser in a bet.

I KNEW you would say something. You just couldnt resist could you?

No, no I couldnt..

Oh my gawd, I MISSSED YOU GUYS, I cried. And the group hug ensued. Each woman took her turn at kissing me and I reminded Biggie that if she employed tongue in any way, shape or form I just might climax thus making us lovers — friends no longer. All I heard was ***** ***** when our lips met, without tongue.

We walked arm in arm in arm, me I the middle, toward the baggage claim ,Sug again expressed her condolences about Fred. She had sent flowers ! How was the funeral? she asked.

A packed house, I replied.

Man, that rat ***** had a lot of enemies, didnt he? Added Bigs.

Yes, yes he did, I replied.

Youre gonna miss, arent you? asked Sug.

Terribly, I confessed. I broke arms with the girls stepping in front of them and asked if they minded if I called K real quick to let her know where we were staying tonight. I was hoping they didnt notice I was still walking funny from the residual effects of the morning cab ride.

Oh, she knows, replied Sug. I was a few feet in front of them to not notice the elbow in the ribs Sugar received from Bigs as if to say SHUT THE ***** UP IDIOT. Not seeing that move, I continued talking, blissfully ignorant of the comment.

No, I dont think she does. I told her we were at the Hyatt but I didnt know which one – the one on High Street on the one by the Ohio Center. Let me call her with the info while you guys get the bags.” Again without my noticing, the two exchanged punches and dirty looks.

I dialed the house and got no answer. I didnt leave a message and tried her cell. No answer there either. I thought it odd that she wasnt home, but I called the house again and left the hotel info with her. I made a mental note to ask her about that as well as the 20 other things I was meaning to ask her. I hung up and joined the girls who had retrieved my bags, and we headed to the parking garage.

Bigs had rented a mini van for the trip, something non-descript so we would blend in unnoticed in a crowd – we always drove to the missions – that gave us plenty of time to catch up on our lives as well as set the plans in motion for attacking the marks. Whether we would drive straight through or stop to catch a few tourist attractions was still up for debate. According to the preliminary schedule, the hit was to take place Friday; today was Monday – Tuesday and Wednesday on the road and Thursday for a run through. The timing seemed perfect – I just hope everything else fell into place as easily

Because of the bad weather and youre being SSOO late, we cant go gallery hopping so I just made dinner reservations at the Grapevine., Bigs explained. Columbus used to be my playground and I did miss it. The ***** community there was very well organized and I had a lot of friends in the area. The first Saturday of every month the downtown artists sponsored an open house called the Gallery Hop where all participating establishments served up drinks and snacks while patrons paid one price to walk the streets and visit the different locations. It was all very artsy, very bohemian, I loved it. The Grapevine was a small but elegant restaurant not far from the hotel and the galleries and I was looking forward to going back there. It was a favorite haunt of mine years ago.

We got to the hotel and checked in quickly so we could walk to dinner. The concierge handed Bigs a Fed Ex package upon check-in and she was giddy with glee looking at me and asking Is it the you-know-what- and the music?

Yep, I replied. Lets just drop everything off, clean up and get going. I havent eaten all day and I really need FOOD! Well open the package later. COME ON !!

And thats what we did. While at the restaurant we chatted about nothing, avoiding the subjects we would discuss in detail on the road trip The subject of the FAN FIC stories did come up and it was amazing how the three of us had such a love for the Bette and Tina (and others) dramas created by the oh-so talented authors. I told them about HER and they nodded in agreement when they recognized the storyline. They loved that one too. I told them I was worried because she hadnt posted a chapter in a very long time, longer than usual, and I was hoping that it was just a case of writers block and not something personal keeping her from sharing.

Bigs went on to tell me about a particular writer who wrote stories about addiction to the stories, and I nearly choked on my pasta hoping she didnt really notice my reaction. I said that I didnt remember that one because I only read the Bette, Tina, Shane, Dana, Alice ones. She went on to explain how funny the story was and about some Stooges fetish one of the characters had. I said I couldnt believe that that was real and she said it didnt matter because it was so ridiculously funny! I quickly changed the subject saying I was getting a little tired and wanted to save some energy for the DANCE.

They agreed and we finished up and walked back to the hotel, me feeling quite relieved that the FAN FIC tales talk ended before they asked too many questions and I was discovered as the mystery writer!

We wasted no time once inside the room preparing for the pre mission ritual. First beds were assigned – me and Bigs sharing one of the two king-sized – no way was I letting those two in the same bed – not this trip, not last year, not the year before, and not ever again. Then we changed – all of us donning outfits of the marks –all of us wearing tank tops (white of course) and sweat pants. Next we opened the package – I sensed the usual fear from Sug when it came to the music. I had told them both once that the secret to life was in the lyrics of country western songs and every year since that revelation Sugar has been afraid that the pre-mission tunes would be redneck, twangy steel guitar tear-in-your-beer songs. Ill admit to slipping Gretchen Wilsons HERE FOR THE PARTY into the mix, but the music was all dance club thump, thump thump high energy gyrtain your asses stuff.

And speaking of stuff, the you-know-what was the you-know-what – my contribution to the mission as the resident freak.. I couldnt risk carrying pot on the plane or having it in my luggage so it was overnighted – a federal offense if caught! But FedEx was experienced in drug trafficking so I wasnt too worried. Besides, I had my lawyer waiting for me at the hotel.

Besides the music, the pot and the outfits each of us had a favorite thinking cap we wore as well. Photos, news articles, stories off the internet were strewn all over the floor – parts of our homework and research. We knew everything we needed to know about the targets before the hit. We were surrounded by the women of L:

Bigs had a pair of glasses with slinky springs for eyes which made her see more clearly she said. Sug wore a bandana which made look like Aunt Jemimah, and I had my Piggly Wiggly ball cap from the NASCAR mission of 95. We popped the music, cranked it as loud as possible, lit a joint (THEY did that, I dont smoke or drink – just the dealer!), and danced. We danced around the articles on the floor, we danced on the bed, we danced with each other, we danced alone – Sugar and her neck and shoulder thing that the indignant black woman does – Bigs with that ABBA 80s disco thing, and me with that Richard Simmons exercise kinda no rhythm dance thing.

We were ***** idiots, morons of the highest degeree – but we didnt care. We were preparing for the mother of all missions and we had to be in top notch form.

After all the pre-trip rituals were complete, the others slept while I laid on the bed on my back with one arm behind my head wide awake. I looked over at Bigs dozing so comfortably on her side facing me, so K-like. It was nearly 6 am and I couldnt help but be disturbed by the fact that K had not called. No sooner than that thought had seeped into my brain, then phone rang . . .

TBC