Fan Fiction
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If it is meant to be…Chapter 22
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“It’s about Nica…” Bette looked at Tina with such sadness in her eyes. “God Tina, I have thought about this conversation…thought about what I wanted to say to you, and now here we are, and I don’t know where to start.”
Tina had no idea what Bette was feeling so badly about…what she felt she had to come to peace with…but she hated seeing the sadness lurking around every part of Bette’s face…and obviously her heart. “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“The beginning?”
“Yea, why don’t you tell me more about your relationship with Nica.”
Bette unconsciously smiled, thinking back on her life with Nica. “Well, I already told you how we met. After the dinner party, we started to see each other, slowly at first. We would go out to dinner, or to a show. Sometimes she would go to different museums with me, just listening away as I went on and on about this painting, or that artist, never looking bored…” Bette shook her head and laughed. “Although there must have been times when she struggled not to yawn, she never let on…God she was wonderful.” Bette stopped and sipped her tea, her eyes filling with tears at the memory of the woman she had loved so much, and had learned so much from.
The first couple of months, I was just trying to get comfortable with the idea of even being with someone else. Tina, when we broke up, I was sure that I could never be happy with someone who wasn’t you. But Nica was so kind and gentle…and patient with me, but she also challenged me mentally. She made me laugh, and over time helped me to smooth out some of my rougher edges.” Bette smiled at Tina. “And as you know, all of my sides were pretty darn rough!”
“Bette, that’s not true,” Tina interjected. “You have always been smooth and soft, but for some reason, you felt it was a sign of weakness if someone saw that soft side. I’m glad Nica helped show you that people want to see that part of you, as well as the strong confident Bette…people love that soft part of you.” Tina giggled. “I remember telling my Mom once that you reminded me of a Tootsie Pop…hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. And Bette…getting to the soft and chewy part was so worth it.” Tina smiled. “Not everyone is willing to wait for that part, and that’s where they miss out on so much. But now, we don’t have to wait, cause your soft side is right on the surface for us all to enjoy.” Tina smiled at Bette, loving how at ease Bette was talking about such personal things with her.
Bette didn’t know what to say in response to Tina’s description of her, but she knew that by Tina saying that, it proved that she had achieved some of her personal goals, as to what kind of person she wanted to be. She smiled and took another sip of her tea, then unfolded her legs to stretch them, and after just a second of hesitation she stood up and stepped over to the other end of the couch. She leaned down and kissed Tina on the cheek and then reached out, hugging her. “Thanks for being here Tina…and thanks for making me feel so comfortable. Just sitting here with you makes me feel better.” Bette stepped back to her end of the couch and curled back up.
“Your welcome Bette. Now go on with your wonderful story.”
Well…I was so sure at the beginning that I wouldn’t be getting into a relationship again for a long time, so during some of our dinners, or long walks around the city, I started to share with Nica, the story of us.”
Tina looked at Bette, somewhat surprised. “You told her about us? How much?”
Bette smiled at Tina, understanding her surprise. “I told her about how we met…how we fell in love. I told her the story of our life together, the good times and the bad…and, I told her about our last year together…about the baby, about Candace…I told her so much…”
“Oh God Bette…please tell me you didn’t tell her about our last night together!” Tina was horrified that Bette would have shared that horrible night with anyone, let alone Nica. She didn’t realize how she tightly she was holding her tea cup…didn’t noticed that she was holding her breath.
“Tina…no…no, I didn’t tell Nica about that night. I have never told anyone about that night.” Tina blew out her breath and set her cup on the coffee table, relief flowing through her body. “Tina, I wouldn’t tell anyone about that night…not because of how terrible it was, but because that night was an aberration. That night was not who either one us is as a person. Both our actions were out of desperation…fear…anger. I didn’t tell Nica, or anyone else, because there is no reason to…” Bette lifted her arm and made an outward flicking motion with her wrist, “It’s gone…outta here. I let go of that a long time ago.” She looked at Tina. “I hope you did too, Tina.”
Tina thought she had let go of all the guilt and embarrassment she had felt about that night, but the thought of someone who was sleeping next to Bette for eleven years, knowing about that night, just brought up all those feelings again. “I’m Ok Bette. I have let go of that night…it’s just, for some reason, I didn’t want Nica to know about that. I know this sounds weird, because I didn’t even know her, but…well, I would hate it if she had thought less of me because of that night.”
Bette’s eyes filled with tears again, as she smiled through them to Tina. “Oh T…Nica never felt like that about you. That’s what made her so special. She always appreciated the fact that I had been loved before. She use to tell me that she was grateful that I had found my one true love. I can hear her now telling me, “do you know how lucky you are Elizabeth? Do you know how few people in this world get to experience that kind of love?” Bette could feel the tears flowing now, not making a move to stop them. “She use to love to call me Elizabeth. She said there were so many facets to me, she felt that Bette didn’t come close to covering them all.” Bette couldn’t help but smile at the memory of hearing Nica say her full name. “It’s funny…at the same time, she didn’t want me to call her Veronica. One day I called her Nica, and she insisted I call her that from then on.” Bette took a deep breath. “God Tina, do you know how incredible she was? She was grateful that I had found my true love, and even knowing it wasn’t her…she was still happy, because she had also found her true love…in me.”
As Tina sat there listening to Bette talk, she realized that she was loving hearing about Bette and Nica, but she was still confused as to why Bette was feeling such sadness. She wondered if Bette hadn’t come to terms with Nica’s death yet, even after three years. She started to wonder if maybe Bette had really loved Nica so much that she couldn’t see herself with anyone else. Tina didn’t know how to feel about that. You can’t get in the way of someone’s memories, and if Bette isn’t ready…Tina could feel her own sadness washing over herself. But Bette had told her she wanted to be with her. She didn’t know if she was ready to hear what Bette had to say, but she needed to hear from her what was going on. “Bette…please tell me what it is you need to come to peace with. You said that maybe I could help you…help you with what?”
Bette looked down at her lap, knowing if she looked Tina in the eye, she wouldn’t be able to say what she was feeling, what was tearing her apart. She wasn’t ready for this, but knew that if she didn’t get it out in the open soon, it could destroy everything. But still, she just didn’t know how to explain it to Tina. So…with one big deep breath she just blurted out the words as they flew threw her head, not putting them in any proper order first.
“Because for as much as I loved her…love her…and for as much as I would have been overjoyed to spend the rest of my life with her…Oh God T, I can’t…I can’t help it that a part of me feels relieved that she is not here, so I can have another chance with you…and that makes me feel HORRIBLY GUILTY…it makes me feel dirty…and it makes me feel like such an unloving, ungrateful human being…I mean…*****…what kind of person feels relief that the person their supposed to love, is no longer here?” Bette burst into tears, lowering her head into her hands, now sobbing uncontrollably. Tina quickly slid over to the end of the couch and reached out to pull Bette into her arms. Bette flung her arms out to ward off Tina’s embrace. “Don’t touch me!” She could barely breath through her sobbing. “Please Tina…don’t touch me.” She couldn’t stand knowing that Tina was sitting there staring at her. She jumped up off the couch, and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.
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I believe that you captured Bettes guilt very well. I could never imagine having to bear that type of gult on myself. Excellent chapter.
Wow whee – how is that for real! That makes so much sense and I didn’t even think about it. You are so good, Seahurst!
Excellent chapter for a very heart reching subject matter. What burden Bette has been carrying for quit a while. Bette not allowing her to hold her after her confession was so tear felt, it was just a reaction from Bette living and be able to feel the love and the touch and the sensatation of life. Tina will go and hold and comfort her love. Again excellent chapter, Thank-you.
your time is your time. bette should be grateful that nica won’t be hurt by bette leaving her to be with tina. it isn’t her fault nica chose to walk in front of a vehicle. nor is it her fault that tina held her heart completely. nica was fine with it and probably loving bette as much as she did, would have insisted she return to tina anyway. wonderfully though provoking. well done sea!
You are really showing us how much Bette has gronw and changed over the years. What a touching tribute to Nica. Thanks.
A resounding “YES” to carpediem and T. I need not say anything else save, Wow.
HOLY SHIT! This was very well done! It was tough to read but DAMN it was GOOD! Bette has got to believe that everything happens for a reason and it is fate that has brought her and Tina back together..Tina has to help Bette see that..Brilliant chapter, Seahurst!
Nah, we weren’t really mad at you. Let me tell you a little secret, Sea. Us readers like to pretend that we’re angry and say things like that because we feel that it makes the writer deliver their next chapter faster. Truth is, we love being teased to the point where we’re ripping our hair out and not being able to sleep at night. *Ducks head to avoid objects being flung at her* It’s just another indication of how talented of a writer you are, we just can’t get enough of your story! Thanks for finally letting us know what’s going on in Bette’s head. I hope she lets Tina help her through this and realizes that things happen for a reason. Bette & Tina belong together. Nica seems like an incredible person and I’m sure even if she were alive she would have bowed out gracefully to give Bette another chance with Tina. Nica knew that Tina was Bette’s one true love and all she ever wanted was for Bette to be happy. No doubt that wherever Nica is right now she’s smiling down on the distanced couple reacquainting themselves and slowly but surely finding their way back to one another. Excellent chapter, Sea, wonderfully written. Bette’s pain and guilt as well as Tina’s concern were completely palpable. I felt like I was sitting in the room with them, watching it as it happened. Please continue!! Thanks again for writing this magnificent story!
Seahurst, this is really great. And I know Tina will help her move past it.
Wow… I’m speechless..
Excellent chapter,I didn’t think about that. Your grasp on human emotions… just wow!!!
let bette go over her feeling, she is not guilty,… she has other chance and if nica were alive things would be different… allow tina to make her feel better with herself, with nica and with the relation between bette and tina…
YOU made us wait for THIS! It was so worth it, but why didn’t you take my advice and wait a couple more days to post it. I hope Bette will let Tina console her.
*stumped* you have such a knack for exploring human emotions and the intricacies of human nature. well done and just to let you know that i’ve always waited for your chapter everyday.
The emotion here is so real. This story is the one I keep looking for please continue this is GREAT. I hope Bette’s guilt subsides and she can allow herself the happiness she deserves
Wow I don’t know if you have experiened it but that is a very true emotion you feel when you have lost a spouse. Please continue i would like to see how she deals. Been there.
Thanks for keeping us enthralled and the characters true to form.
Their love is so powerful that even though years have passed and they both found love with others, the others couldn’t compare to the pinnacle acheived with one another. Soulmates are so rare and so beautiful. Great job Sea, thoughtfully done.
Aww. That’s so sad. Great writing.
Seahurst I’m in awe of you. Such a great story! Could you just please write and publish us a book already.
You’ve got a lot to read so let me give you a five star dido. Beautiful and touching.
WOW! That was worth the wait! I’ve been looking forward to your stories everyday and I hope you will continue. It is nice to see how they have matured and are so accepting of each other…which goes to show that they really do belong together and they were meant to be!
Absolutely 5 stars! I am totally immersed in this story. You have done such a wonderful job. I hope Bette let’s Tina in and doesn’t shut her out like before.
Seahurst, you’ve done it again! Boy did you ever get it right! I could feel every emotion. Poor Bette! Help her overcome her guilt soon so that she can move on with her one true love.
Holly…that was unbeliavable….soo incrediable…shit…Thumbs Up!!!!
Ok Seahurst, you totally threw me with this one, I was not expecting that. You continue to amaze me with your insight and your ability to give these two a depth that is unbelievable. You never cease to suprise me.
Very good! It’s very human to feel those feelings even though they make you feel tacky for it. Great chapter with a great direction to take these two in. Thanks for posting.
I never thought of that.Bette shouldn’t feel guilty about it.If Nica is still alive,Bette may never see Tina again.It is all about faith.If it’s meant to be.
very good, carolann said it for me, now have Tina go an hold and console the Love of her Life. Thanks
amazing. im totally impressed at how deep youve made these characters.
This story still amazes me to no end…great writing…bravo Seahurst!!!
WOW -that was some chapter – difficult to read too – please post soon – i hope bette can get over her guilt
For fycks sakes, Porter, get a friggin grip, where’s Alice when you need her, lmao here…I mean I understand the guilt but rushing like a teenager into the bedroom and slamming the door, what’s her womyn to think??? T to the rescue again????
(*crickets*)….um?