K stopped her little feel good dance long enough to realize that the others were shooting visual daggers up and down her body — from her light head to her happy feet.

I walked up to her and snatched the camera from her hands, shook my head in disgust and berated her, give me that thing you frickin pea brain. I moved up three steps and sat down taking off the clog style kitchen shoes I was wearing and unbuttoned the first two buttons of the doubled breasted chefs jacket.

What? K asked completely in the dark as to our reaction to her lousy picture comment. What did I do?

K, K, K, Bigs pulled off the Shane style wig she was wearing and ran her fingers through her short graying hair which was damp from the hairpiece. She led K by the arm, and was shaking her head in a very disapproving fashion. Bigs pointed down and told K to sit and listen, then took a seat beside her. . Sug moved to the other side of K and sat, not removing any of her Bette disguise, merely reveling in the fact the she did look fabulous.

K, do you realize that what just happened in there was the culmination of months of planning and detailed preparation- a coordinated effort requiring precision in timing and maneuvering? Bigs asked. Bigs always believed that if we put 1/3 the effort into something constructive we could probably cure a disease or end world hunger – but no – we were ***** morons – idiots of the highest degree.

Girl, its NOT about the picture, Sugar added. although the pictures are vital parts of the mission and this years shots will be extra special because they will feature all three of us thanks to you. No its not about the picture.

What then, K asked still a little confused. Whats it all about? (I swear I was still angry with her and if she would have said Alfie after that Whats it all about I would have given a noogie she would never have forgotten).

Its about the sacrifice, K, I chimed in. Its about what we are willing to do to keep our friendship alive – the chances were willing to take and the things we would do for love. Think about it. People keep relationships strong by doing some crazy things – things they do together. Some friends get together and create music or art or a quilt or whatever. Some share sporting interests or dabble in high risk activities like sky diving. Maybe some just get together and drink and pick up women. It doesnt matter – They share a common bond and strengthen their relationship by sharing that commonality. Ours just happens to be chasing celebrities and taking silly pictures. It may sound ridiculous to other people, but its what we do – its our little thing. And these vacations have helped us stay close and build upon that life long foundation of friendship we have had since grade school. Not many people can claim that. We are ssooo lucky to have each other.



Yea, K, Bigs piped in. Im sure you and your woman there have some crazy little ritual you share that no one knows about or cares about.

K and I exchanged an embarrassed glance as we both had a Stooges flashback and giggled in agreement with Bigs.

Its not about the picture, Sug said again. *****, anyone can get their picture taken with their favorite actor, sports hero or politician. What we do is make that picture special for us – research the mark – learn about their career highlights- be it in film or with a girlfriend/boyfriend – something we can relate to and mimic – something they will never know we are doing. And all the planning and homework we do is part of the teamwork and relationship building process. Its fun for us.

Ya know, K sometimes we plan our vacations around the target and sometimes we search for a target in the spot we choose for vacation. When we heard that some of the L Word cast members were going to be here for this charity fundraiser once the seasons shooting had wrapped up, we made Vegas our destination I explained. And it was a no brainer for us to disguise ourselves as L Word girls as opposed to characters from the other movies they had done. Although I get the feeling that Sug really wanted to wear that sweatshirt thing fromFlashdance!

No, no, Sug added. I definitely prefer the tailored power suit because I do look really good, dont you guys think so? !!

We all ignored her and refused to comment – ignoring Sug – now that was a no brainer.

And speaking of pictures, K. Hasnt the Beachnut there ever shown you some of the highlights of our trips? Bigs asked. Shes never revealed her Wall of Fame?

As a matter of fact, Bigs, NO K replied. I have never seen one shot from any of the missions you guys were on.

Well my collectibles arent really on a wall, I said. Now Bigs, her pictures are plastered all over one section of her house – a real shrine to our accomplishments. That is one sight to be hold. No mine are in a dozen or so photo albums packed away somewhere, Im not even sure where.

And where are yours, Sug, I asked so slyly knowing full well where hers are kept !

You just shut up, Bitchnut, you know damn well where they are.!

Come on, Sug, pleaded K. Where?

Sugar tried not to laugh as she proceeded to tell K that she kept all her photos securely locked away in a safe deposit box in her bank. If she ever wanted to finally pursue a political career, those photos could be skeletons in a closet that she really doesnt want opened!!!!

I still cant believe that you have never shown K any of the photos, Bigs just wouldnt let it go. Especially the one of you in the champagne colored sequined evening gown. Remember? Youll love this one, K. This is when we were at Myrtle Beach and the Wheel of Fortune was doing a road trip thing. Pat Sajak and Vanna were sitting on the deck of a local outdoor beach caf and here comes our Nutter walking so discreetly behind them carrying a sign that read ___AT M____! with a little Sticky Fingers Rolling Stones tongue thing on it ! Can I buy a vowel please – is there an E? That was a classic!

Come on Bigs, I wasnt going to let her get away without telling tales about her. The best ever had to be the ones we took in DC. Picture this, K. Bigs wearing a black beret, a blue dress with a stain on the front and hanging a big fat cigar out of her mouth. She gets right next to Clinton, doing her Groucho Marx impression with the cigar, Sugar hollers HEY BILL, he looks and I shoot!! Oh my gawd, that one was too frickin funny!

Yea, Bigs added. That was the same trip that Sugar dressed up like Anita Hill, carried that Coke can with that big black thread hanging from it and got right behind Clarence Thomas raising that can like she was toasting him. Funnn nnnny !

How did you guys ever get so close to those political types? K asked. What about security and stuff?

We have our Sugar baby to thank for those shots – she got us in and up close, I explained. And Bigs can usually get us near the celebs with all her film bureau and hotel contacts. There arent too many lines we arent willing to cross or have help doing so – believe me.

We chatted on a few more minutes about different missions and K listened and watched with intensity and interest. I think she could feel the excitement we shared when we drudged up old memories and probably felt a twinge of jealousy as we laughed and shared those moments with her. Without my realizing when she started, she had been massaging my feet, still a little sore from those heavy, awkward kitchen shoes. I looked down at her sitting a few steps below me then ran my fingers through her hair wanting her to know how much I did appreciate her being there despite the doubts swirling around my mind. . She looked up and smiled and I could tell she was understanding the missions a little better – it wasnt about the lousy picture at all.

Hey guys, K interrupted the last story. I know its late but I really want to celebrate this ***** auspicious occasion. Let me take you all out to dinner. Well go to some all night diner and eat lousy food and talk more about the Walls of Fame.” How bout we all meet back here in front of the casino entrance in an hour?. Ill arrange for a limo so we dont have to mess with the van. How bout it?

It was after midnight but we were all wide awake and starving and agreed to meet back here in an hour. None of us willing to turn down free food !


TBC. . . .






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