Part 6-


That debate. What the ***** was I thinking, Bette questioned herself aloud, as her session with Susannah Holmes was wearing down, ***** of course, that ***** wouldve known about Tina loosing our son!

**Fae Buckley was way too good for Bette to take on. Nonetheless Bette did and paid a hefty price. A pummeling that added to the stress she had been experiencing; that was what caused the real stress fractures to start to visibly show. Once that happened, Bette was lost and had no way of knowing up from down.

It wasnt until Doctor Wilson had informed her of her and Tinas greatest tragedy. That everything just came tumbling down. Feeling a lot like Humpty-Dumpty, Bette made her way home and quickly went to Tina. It was when she had to defend her house and her family from Fae Buckleys henchmen that the first tale-tell signs of the abyss that awaited her came apparent. Having dispatched of them, Bette had to stop for a moment and gather her wits enough to make it back into the house. She had shut and locked the door, closing the blind, and leaning her head against the door grasping at a ledge that was crumpling underneath her fingers. Her 2nd wind hit her with the cold, hard reality that she wasnt allowed to break down. Just as she felt her legs about to give out from underneath her; was when she remembered how she was supposed to be (and always had) to go through the world. No weakness, no cracks, and always-in control, holding everything together.

If, that wasnt bad enough, within days of it she blindly walked into a lions den-willingly. Brazened enough to dare take on a seasoned veteran; she was about to be schooled-big time. Not just a debate, no she had to agree to do it on local television with George Parcels. The mans audience extended over 2.8 million Los Angels County viewers. He might be conservative but he was moderate enough to draw a large enough audience that sponsors ate him up and the station gave primo airtime and slot. Now you either have to be stupid or crazy to want to go out like that, but this is Bette we are talking about-shes both crazy and a bit stupid.

However, she did have that ace up her sleeve; and when Fae took it to somewhere it shouldve never had gone-private. Thats when Bette used it to win the debate, but in the end the victory was hollow and meaningless. The fact that it sent Fae Buckley into hiding, didnt make up for the pain and embarrassment that Bette felt. Worse yet, Bettes biggest fear was realized. Weakness, her weakness revealed for the whole entire world.

Fear consumed her; tears flowed, but it was the fear that danced in her eyes. She sat there looking like some scared little girl; its only when Fae approached her when the anger overwhelmed her senses and thats when she gave George the tape of Cora (aka-Chyna) in that adult video. When Fae became intent on preventing George from showing the video, leaving Bette to her inner struggle and turmoil; thats when Bette returned to the scared little girl mode. Not knowing what else to do.

What really sucked was that Tina seemed more able to talk about her feelings and move on. The lose of their son left Bette unable to function; sure she went automatic, but the pain was immense. When Karen in group therapy had put her on the spot asking Bette if shed cried, she went totally defensive; mistakenly believing that by not revealing anything she was safe-that no one would know anything about her, never quite realizing that her silence spoke louder than any word.

Yeah, thats the old Bette! Never revealing too much, acting like she knew everything, and knew the right course of action for everyone-never shy about telling them, too. But, all the money she spent on her Saab, Prada Power Suits, and everything else including the four-inch heels and her body language revealed more about her then shed care to acknowledge. No body could tell her that she was wrong, they couldnt have a differing opinion then hers; they had to agree 100% with her or they were wrong. Kit could best rely this bit of 411 for you, but then again anyone whose spent enough time with Bette could tell you, also. After years of having been placed in the daddy mantle of her close knit group of friends, she actually started to act like it-always dishing out fatherly advice, that was rarely ever correct and/or valid given the situation. Alice was the only one who dared to defy her, not even flinching completely not afraid. Perhaps, it was because Alice has had sexual relations with Bette that allows her the luxury of missing with Bettes head; however, being the mouth of West Hollywood kind of makes Alice in the know. This annoyed Bette to no end.

Tina was amazing, she had stood by Bettes side by going with her to the debate and confronting her afterwards. Never once did Tee, make her feel anything then like she was loved and cared for. Tee, never once mentioned what happened after Faes declaration about how unfit Bette and Tina are to be parents or dare to have/raise children as a same-***** couple. Tina had carried, loved, and lost the child-yet, she healed better, faster, and was able to move on. Something Bette has never allowed herself. Not allowing herself to grieve properly and fully is still to this day that Bette needs to do.**

After listening to Bette, 3-4 times a week for the last 6-weeks. Susannah suggested, Bette youve come along way, you still have a long way to go. Dont you think its about time you started to grieve the lost of your un-born son with Tina? Its time, Bette, its time to start being new, improved, and when you win Tinas heart-again-let her be apart of this process. Not just the grieving but let her see all of you-let her love all of you. Its time to stop being afraid and time to start being the person youve always meant to be!

TBC