It was a very pleasant evening at Bette and Tinas house. The family had gathered for dinner and conversation, to be followed by a movie. Tina had once again outdone herself on dinner, and everyone soon retired to the living room, with their bellies full, to relax and talk about what had been going on in their lives. Bette had made her wonderful secret recipe drinks, not sparing the liquor, and everyone was feeling pretty good. Kit and Ivan left about a half an hour later. Since they didnt drink, and it seemed likely that the night would end with everyone passed out, they decided to make their own party over at Kits house.

Bette and Alice had been in rare form tonight, picking and teasing each other and trying to out do each other at every turn. It had been amusing for most of the evening, but the atmosphere changed as the level of inebriation increased, and it was starting to become obnoxious. Finally, Tina had enough and decided it was time to start the movie portion of the evening. She abruptly got up and went into the kitchen to get snacks while instructing Bette to get the movie ready.

Alice: So what movie are we watching tonight?

Bette: Tina picked up Snowdogs with Cuba Gooding Jr.

Dana: Dogs! Didnt they have a movie with cats?

Alice: Yeah Dana, like a bunch of cats could pull a sled through the snow.

Dana: Nobody said it had to have the same plot. It could be like one of those Lillian Jackson Braun things with cats solving murder mysteries. Cats are very intelligent you know.

Alice: Maybe so, but they are too standoffish. Dogs are loving and loyal, not to mention good company.

Dana: ***** you Alice. Cats are just as loyal and loving. Mr. P. was the best company I could have asked for. When I was lonely and sad, no one could have had a more loyal friend or a bigger comfort.

Alice: Dana, I loved Mr. P. too, but you have to admit that as a species, cats arent known for being Womans best friend. *****, I dont even know why people name cats. They dont come when you call them. Ive seen magnets that say if youre lucky, they might take a message and get back to you.

Shane: Alice, quit picking at Dana. You know how much she misses Mr. Piddles. You shouldnt try to upset her.

Alice: Shane, sweetheart, I would never try to upset Dana! It just isnt in my nature! Im a lover, not a fighter.

At that statement, the whole room erupted in laughter.

Bette: No Alice, you are just an *****.

Alice: Takes one to know one Bette.

Bette: Ive already admitted to being one. Luck for me, Tina has a soft spot for this particular *****.

Alice: Hey guys, you know why bosses are always *****?

Shane: No, but Im afraid that wont be true much longer.

Alice: Well, all the parts of the body were discussing who should be boss. The brain said that it was the main message center and that all other parts of the body couldnt function without it, the hands said that they were used for just about everything that the body accomplished, the legs said they carried the body everywhere, the eyes said that the body wouldnt know where it was going without them, the stomach said that without it disbursing the nutrients from the food it digested to the other parts of the body, the body would not be able to do anything. All the parts of the body had a reason why they should be the boss. Finally the ***** stated it should be boss and the rest of the body had a good long laugh. So the ***** closed up tighter than a clam. Pretty soon, the brain went foggy, the hands started shaking, the legs went wobbly, the eyes went blurry, the stomach got nauseous, and eventually the body just wasnt functioning at all. So, the whole body took a vote and the ***** was voted in as boss. Guess thats how you were chosen to run the CAC Bette.

Bette: Shove it Alice. You know, you really should attend my next AA meeting with me.

Alice: Since when do you belong to Alcoholics Anonymous? You drink like a fish!

Bette: No Al, ***** Anonymous. You would be voted in as the leader of the whole group.

Alice: ***** you Bette.

Bette: Nope! You already had your shot at me. Now Im reserved exclusively for Tinas use. I graduated from that ***** school. I dont intend to ever do anything again that will endanger the relationship we have rebuilt.

Tina walked back into the room and after putting down the snacks, went to Bette and pulled her into a loving embrace. She whispered in Bettes ear, Nice Babe. Ill reward you later for that one. Breaking the embrace, she brought their lips together in a sweet loving kiss.

Shane: So ***** cute!

Dana: So ***** sweet.

Alice: So ***** yuck!

Shane: Are we going to watch this ***** movie or what? Otherwise, I am leaving. There are women out there just waiting for my company.

Tina: Take the night off Shane and stay here with us. Babe, would you pour us some more drinks and put the movie on.

Everyone had another drink and settled in to watch the movie, Shane lying on the floor, Alice and Dana spooned together on the sofa, and Bette and Tina curled together in the oversized lounger chair.

They laughed throughout the movie, totally enjoying the comedic relief. When it was over, they discussed the goofy antics of Cuba with the dogs while they had a few more drinks.

Alice: Does anyone know the history of the Iditarod Trail Race?

Blank looks from everybody.

Dana: Dont tell me you know all about some dumb dog sled race.

Alice: Dana! It is not dumb. It is a celebration of the accomplishments of mushers from back in 1925. Nome, Alaska had an epidemic of diphtheria and a serum was sent to Nenana by train, and then transported the remaining 700 miles by dogsled. It is also a celebration for the Iditarod National Historic Trail, which was one of Alaskas main mail routes.

Dana: Why do you know this Alice?

Alice: I had to do an article on the race about a year ago and researched it. Do you have any idea how grueling that race is? The first one was held in 1973 and it took 20 days to complete. In 2002, the race was completed in just under 9 days. The race covers about 1200 miles and requires a whole shitload of endurance. There are 26 sign in checkpoints and only three mandatory stops, one for 24 hours and two others for eight hours each. The racers have to deal with weather that can reach negative 100 degrees Fahrenheit, violent storms, crossing rivers that could be thawing, and wildlife that could attack without warning, not to mention stress and lack of sleep. The average amount of sleep the mushers get is about 2 hours a day. The dogs pull not only the sled, but also all the supplies and food for the mushers as well as themselves. The loaded sleds can weigh up to 150lbs without the mushers on board. The dogs wear booties on their feet, which still can get sliced up by the ice, and they are the top priority on the trip. When it is rest time, the dogs must be attended to before the mushers can eat or sleep. If any of them get sick, injured or exhausted, the remaining pooches also have to also pull them on the sled until they reach a checkpoint where they could be withdrawn, in which case they are left with veterinarians and the team is short that dog. I always thought it would be an interesting experience.

Bette: Sounds like something Id want to do. NOT!

Alice: Bette, you have no sense of adventure.

Tina: Trust me Alice, Bette is very adventurous. I can vouch for that.

Alice: Were not talking Bedroom Olympics here Tina. Everyone knows Bettes reputation for the adventures in that department. We are talking about life and living it to the fullest, doing things you would never dream of doing.

Bette: You must be ***** drunk Alice. Being outside in freezing cold weather, living with dogs, no restaurants, no heat, no warm bed, no amenities, and you couldnt even to have a drink because alcohol is a depressant and lowers the body temperature! What the ***** kind of adventure is that. Give me an adventure with a hotel, room service, champagne buckets and Tina!

Alice: Im not that drunk Bette, no thanks to your secret recipe! But drunk or sober, I know I am more adventurous than you on any day of the week, any hour of any day of the year!

Bette: Bullshit Alice. I could out adventure you anytime, anywhere.

Alice: Then lets do it Bette. You and Tina team up against Dana and me. Lets do an Iditarod race!

Tina and Dana: WHAT!

Shane is just sitting back laughing her ***** off and enjoying the show.

Shane: Man, Im just glad I didnt get mentioned as part of this adventure, cause let me tell you, that ***** aint happening!

Tina: How the ***** did Dana and I get involved in your battle with Bette?

Alice: Because you love us and will want to be there to support us and make sure we dont kill each other.

Bette: I say we take a vote. Alice should be the boss. She is the Queen of *****, complete with all the asinine ideas!

No vote needed to be taken. Everyone was in total agreement with Bettes opinion!