As she reached the door to their apartment, Tina placed her palm against the wood, feeling for what she didnt know. What did she feel? Could she feel anything coming from the other side of the door? What had she just done to Bette? Why had she walked out, leaving Bette to wonder what her intentions were?

***** she muttered, Ive got to get this under control.

She quietly slid the key into the lock, gently turning it while reaching for the *****. She slowly pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect from whatever was awaiting her.

She saw that all of the lights in the apartment had been turned off, with the exception of a sliver of illumination that was coming from the door to their bedroom, which was slightly ajar. She just stood there, listening to learn what was happening in the apartment, but the only sound she heard was the quite humming of the refrigerator.

She slowly made her way to their bedroom, each step feeling heavy and weighted down. As she got to the door, she again just listened. Upon hearing nothing, she quietly pushed the door open, noticing the bed unoccupied. She pushed it open further and saw her.

There was Bette, sitting in the corner of the room in a chair that overlooked the view of the city, her feet up on the ottoman with what appeared to be an untouched glass of wine on the table next to her. Her head was resting against the back of the chair, but her eyes were opened, just looking out at the city below. The light that she had seen coming from the room was from a small candle in the bathroom. Aside from that, she was sitting in total darkness.

Youre back she said, while not turning her head.

Yes, I am came the faint reply. Actually, I never left she added.

Really? I could have sworn I heard the front door open and close at least an hour ago she said in a voice of indifference.

I mean she clarified, I did leave the apartment, but just stayed in the hallway the entire time.

But you did still leave Bette pointed out, again, in a voice that showed not a single trace of emotion.

I guess thats true, but Bette I am back she said, getting nervous that Bette had not looked at her, nor was she appearing to care that she had returned.

Do you regret it? asked Bette.

Leaving? Yes, very much.

Nocoming back?

Tina walked over to where Bette was sitting and seeing that she was not going to turn towards her, moved to stand directly in front of Bettes view, forcing her to look at her.

Bette, Im sorry. I should not have walked out like that.

Why? It is clearly the easiest thing to do she trailed off.

Bette, stop. I said that I am sorry, and I meant it. My emotions got the better of me, and you are right, it was unproductive and-

You didnt answer my question interrupted Bette

Which one? she said warily.

Bette finally looked her directly in the eyes and said, Do you regret coming back?

Bette, I she began, running her hands through her hair nervously, I know that my actions are contradicting my words, but Godno, I do not regret for a minute coming back to you.

Bette pushed the ottoman away from the chair, stood up while grabbing the wine glass and walked towards the bedroom door without a word or look to Tina.

Tina watched her leave the room, frightened at what she had done to their progress. Not knowing if she was coming back, she too left the room in search of Bette.

She saw her in the kitchen washing out the wine glass and reaching for a bottle of water. Having done so, Bette turned down the hallway that led to the second bedroom.

Where is she going? Tina asked herself.

She followed the same path that Bette had taken and saw her pulling the covers back on the bed.

Bette? What are you doing? she asked in an unsure tone.

Going to bed Tina she replied with her back to Tina, setting the alarm clock on the bedside table.

Baby, please dont do this Tina pleaded, the tears beginning anew. Im sorry for walking out on you, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Please, come to our bedroom and lets talk, pleaseIm sorry

Tina, you know what? Im sorry, but Im done she angrily said while crawling in the bed.

Whatwhat do you mean? she stammered, terrified at the response.

I cant do this anymore tonight. Im done.

Somewhat relieved at the clarity, she walked over to the side of the bed and said, Bette, this scares me, your sleeping in here.

Tina, my sleeping in here is not what should frighten you. What should frighten you, us for that matter, is how much unresolved anger you have towards me, and how little we have done to fix that.

Bette, I know that thats how it seems right now, but I also hope you know how much I love you…” she trailed off, waiting for a response from Bette that she apparently was not going to get.

“The fact though,” she continued, “that I shared with you my feelings tonight on how much it hurt me, or made me feel, when you reached out to another woman, cant be a bad thing she tried to explain.

No, where I messed up was allowing myself to run and hide, which is how up until last week, I have responded to all of this *****. And you know what? I am pissed off, at myself! she clarified.

The fact that I ran out on you and our conversation goes totally against everything that I have been saying since I got here. I have been trying to convince you that I would not leave again, and given the first opportunity to respond in that way, thats exactly what I did she angrily said.

I apologize for that, she said with her tone softening, but baby, I am not going to apologize for sharing with you what I did

Bette just laid there, staring at the ceiling, listening to what Tina had to say.

Have you ever hated yourself? Bette whispered, eyes not moving from the ceiling.

Have I what, baby? asked Tina, leaning towards the bed to hear what Bette was saying.

Have you ever hated yourself? she repeated, finally turning towards Tina.

Baby, I dont, I mean she stammered, not really sure how to answer the question.

Bette just looked at her, waiting for her response. She pushed the covers aside, got out of the bed and simply said, I didnt think so.

Bette! Where are you going? said Tina, the force in her voice causing Bette to turn around.

Have you ever wondered she began, tears forming in her eyes, looking down at her arms, how your skin could betray you? How it could get too small for the very body that it was supposed to be protecting. How it could begin to tighten, so much to the point of strangulation? she painfully asked with the tears falling freely from her eyes.

Tina watched Bette, terrified at what she was seeing and hearing right in front of her.

Baby she soothingly said while taking a step towards Bette.

No! sobbed Bette, raising her arms to keep Tina away.

Tina stopped her forward movement and waited for Bette to continue.

That is what it felt like, Tina she said, visibly sobbing, her shoulders stooped, slightly bent over. That is what it ***** felt like!

You asked if ***** with Candace was good and I told you I didnt know. Well, that was not a ***** lie! It is the Gods truth, I swear that to you! Dont you see she pleaded, I didnt feel anything. I was outside of myself, outside of the same skin that was trying to suffocate meI was in no position to feel anythingI question if I was even there she weakly trailed off, sliding to the floor, resting against the side of the bed, head held down low.

Tina watched this woman that she loved with her entire being, crumbling in front of her very eyes.

Bette she quietly said, quickly moving to her and joining her on the floor. She scooped her up in her arms and wrapped her body around Bette, leaving nothing exposed.

Baby she whispered, trying to smooth and quiet the sobs that were emanating from her body.

Shhh, its going to be ok, I promise, it’s going to be ok” she reassured her. “Were going to be ok she said directly in her ear.

I dont know that I believe that, T Bette shakily said.

Tina turned Bettes head towards hers and looked directly into her beautiful brown eyes.

Baby, it is true and you have to believe that she said determinedly. What we are experiencing right now is to be expected. Baby, we have not talked like this in years. All of it has got to come out. We have to expose all of the ***** that built up and then break it down. Look at how much we have shared tonight alone she said, slightly smiling at her partner.

Still appearing unsure, Bette looked at Tina and said, I guess.

No I guess about it said Tina, still smiling at her. Cmon baby she said while scrambling to her feet.

She reached both hands down to Bette which she accepted, using Tina to pull herself back up.

Lets go to bed, baby.

Tina guided them back through the apartment, getting them to their bed where after pulling the covers back, placed Bette gently down on the sheets.

She quickly stripped down to her bra and underwear and followed right behind her, again, wrapping her body entirely around Bette, protecting her.

They laid there, neither wanting to interrupt the peaceful silence that surrounded them. Bette suddenly felt so exhausted that the mere effort of keeping her eyelids open became a challenge.

Well be ok, T she quietly whispered. I do believe you.

Thats my girl smiled Tina onto the top of Bettes head that was resting on her chest.

Now go to sleep Tina softly said.

But, the instruction was unnecessary as Bette was already fast asleep.