~~(Bette held the door open for her as they went into the gallery. They walked straight to Bettes office. Neither of them said anything. Bette realized Tina knew, or at least suspected, why she invited her back into the gallery. Knowing that she knew made Bette a little nervous. Suddenly what had been breezy conversation just a few minutes ago was unspoken and tense. . .

Tina leaned back on the edge of Bettes desk and looked down at the floor for a moment. Bette walked up slowly and put her right index finger under Tinas chin lifting it so her face was directly across from Bettes . . .

Why are you here? . . THE UMBRELLA by shakennotstirred)~~)

I dont know you, Shakes, but you are one of those responsible for the state of addiction I experience everyday – – I am miserable without a fix from you — you are one of many a dealer I seek out – I know I am not alone when I say . . . THANK YOU . . .THANK YOU . . . THANK YOU . . . How can any one read that story and not want more . . .

*********************************************************************


I paced back and forth in front of the kitchen table as she sat there reading the Sunday paper, ignoring me. Was it intentional? I think yes.

(~~The list, make a list, the list . .) The thought of making the list was consuming my brain but I couldnt shake the feeling that I wouldnt be required to make this ***** list if she had just kept her trap shut. I am nearly 100% positive she is involved and I am going to confront her NOW, right NOW.

I still pace, gathering my nerve, fighting the thoughts of the list watching her read, knowing she is ignoring me, waiting for my moment to strike.

She sits there, my wife – the woman who stalked me, pursued me relentlessly for two years, who followed me to Vegas and practically forced me to marry her in a ceremony performed by Elvis impersonators — here she sits reading as if nothing were wrong.

My wife, the only woman in this entire universe who knows me, who believes me, believes IN me, who understands my moods, my paranoia, my addictions. The only woman in this universe I would kill for, I would die for, the only woman I will ever love–there she sits, ignoring me as I am about to confront her betrayal.

What are you doing, she asks without looking up from the paper, startling me, trying to take the offensive – I wont let her.

What do you mean what am I doing, what are trying to imply here? I ask utterly annoyed at the question.

Its not a trick question, babe, she continues to talk without looking at me. Im just wondering what youre doing, pacing back and forth like that. Sit down, have something to eat with me.

She reaches for a bagel , still not looking in my direction – she is great at multi-tasking – eating, talking, reading — god I love her. But I wont be distracted, I wont fall for this oh so obvious ploy to deter me from my desired mission –I dont care how great she looks sitting there, bifocals sliding down the end of her nose — sitting there dressed in nothing but a tank (white of course) and baggy silk shorts all tan and buff and acting like nothing is wrong. (~~She is an angel in disguise – the devils advocate trying to seduce and distract me — shameless *****~~)

You want to know what I am doing, I ask still pacing. Well, missy, Ill tell you what I am doing and I want you to know that I know and I know you know I know so dont deny it.

What are you talking about, hon? she asks so calmly, still reading, eating, talking as if nothing were amiss.

Im not going to beat around the bush any more about this, K and you better fess up and quit denying it, quit playing me for a fool. You told him didnt you? A simple YES or NO will suffice. You told him, right?

I continued to pace, heart racing, almost beating out of my chest at the words I was finally able to say aloud.

Told who what, babe, STILL she continued to read, not reacting at all to the accusations – calm, cool, not a bead of sweat on her brow – -god damn, she is GOOD.!

My BOSS, K, my BOSS, I answered raising my voice just a little more annoyed at her indifference, her Academy Award winning act of denial.

You told him I was crazy, didnt you? Thats why I gotta go to the ***** shrink, thats why I gotta make that ***** list, because YOU told my boss, didnt you, DIDNT YOU?

There, I said it, I said it all, everything that was bottled up inside me for weeks since my sessions with Dr. Fix-My-Head began — began her dissection of my strange and almost self-destructive behavior resulting in some work related problems. My boss had ordered me to see the company psychiatrist to help me overcome whatever was bothering me — bothering me to the point of being consistently late for work, mis-delivering packages, making critical errors in judgment in the office and on the street – all affecting my performance on the job. And I believe my wife, the love of my life, was behind it all.

No, she answered so nonchalantly, STILL not looking up from that ***** Sunday newspaper. What could possibly be more important in those pages of information than the deterioration of our relationship – falling apart right before her eyes.

NO?, I asked incredulous at her simplistic answer. NO? thats all you can say is NO? What kind of answer is that?

You said a simple YES or NO would suffice and I am saying NO.

NO what? NO you didnt ruin my life? NO you didnt tell my boss I was a nutcase? NO its not your fault Im late almost every morning because you seduce me, you trick me into having ***** before breakfast? That maybe, just maybe traffic is a problem getting to work. NO what, K, NO what?

(~~Her name is Karen, but I call her K, like Bette calls Tina, T)

She snaps the paper back, folding it in half, looks at me as she takes her glasses off. I stop and take a step back, fearful she might become violent.

I hate to tell you this, babe, but we havent had ***** in the morning since, let me see, since May. she explains. And you ride your bike to work, five blocks on the sidewalk.

(~~~~MAY !! The fateful month I took a wrong turn in cyberspace and stumbled upon the words of the FAN FIC writers, words which drew me in, words which provided such a sweet distraction from the harsh realities of the world, words from HER, the one I cannot escape, the ONE responsible more than anyone for the weakness in me MAY, what a beautiful month~~~)

Weve had ***** in the afternoon when you get home from work, in the evening, in, on and around the pool all hours of the night, but no ***** in the morning for months.

Are you SURE, I ask not believing her.

She looks at me and tries not to laugh, but she cant help it. Neither can I !! We both laugh at my memory loss but for different reasons.

Come here and sit down, she giggles pushing the chair away from the table and patting the seat between her legs. Come have something to eat with me and maybe we can change that ***** in the morning thing.

Shes starting to wear me down.

I walk over to her, head slightly bent, defeated, knowing she didnt tell me boss anything. I sit in the chair in front of her, my back against her chest, and she pulls us closer to the table. I put some cream cheese on a bagel and drink some juice while I listen to her voice of reason.

You know, hon, maybe youre late to work because you still spend too much time on the computer reading those stories. That ever occur to you? And maybe, just maybe, that little addiction of yours is actually affecting your work. And maybe, just maybe it is a good idea to talk to the Dr. Its always nice to have someone to talk to.

She was right. The possibility of my addiction to the FAN FIC stories being responsible for my lack of concentration at work was looming heavily as a reality I wasnt willing to face.

I took a bite of the bagel while she scratched and massaged my back. I was feeling a little better so I thought I would ask her just one more question.

K, do you think it was really my fault – do you think I killed that old woman? I was still feeling guilty over that one.

I could feel her suppress a smile as she kissed the back of my neck.

Well you did deliver that snake to the nursing home instead of the pet shop and it did get out and scare everyone – scared the birthday girl to death according to the autopsy.

*****, K, she was 104 and probably gonna die anyway. Do you really think it was my fault?

Finish your bagel, lets not talk about that right now and maybe after we break that no ***** in the morning thing weve got going on Ill help you with the list. Hows that sound?

Gawd, that sounds like something we should do – and do you think you could read me some stories from the site later while I work on the list?

Absolutely, she whispers in my ear as she moves her hand between my legs . . . .



TBC . . . .