The waitresss voice broke not only the kiss but Tinas reality.

Till that moment, till that second, the night, the whole day was an illusion, a parallel universe in which, for the first time in her life she felt free.
Free and secure. Secure in that air balloon that she created. But then, the waitress voice broke the balloon, throwing a jar of cold water to Tinas face.
She rested her face on Bettes chest for a few seconds, not only to compose but also trying to figure things out, or at least to try to calm her speedy heart.

Nodding to the waitress, still mute, Bette felt Tina moving away from her chest. Noticing the lost look on her face, Bette frowned. With her hands still on Tinas waist, Bette felt her body shivering. Looking at her, reading Tinas quiet look, Bette felt as if a cold breeze was cutting her throat.

Are you ok Tee? Bette asked, fearing the answer, noticing how very quietly Tina was travelling back from wherever far away place she just visited.

Looking at Bette, feeling the waitress stare on her back, Tina nodded. She was cold and wanting to cry. The waitress coughed again, breaking her suddenly very fragile soul in million pieces.

Tee? Tried Bette again, worrying as she could feel Tinas body trembling under her touch.

Looking Bette in the eyes, unable to voice any thought, Tina nodded. Feeling how tears were camping in her eyes, she mumbled, trying hard to stop them.

Could we go?

Sighing with relief, Bette nodded, taking Tinas hand. Throwing a killer look to the waitress, she leaded Tina towards her car.

They walked in silence the minutes it took to reach Bettes car. Silence was messing with Bettes mind, as she was trying to understand, to know what was going on, to read Tinas face while trying not to lose her temper, as she was feeling how her heart was clouding, how it was hiding behind thick tall walls all over again.

Opening Tinas door, Bette felt how while jumping in, Tina accidentally touched her very briefly, awakening her wounded soul.
Walking to her seat, Bette felt lost for the first time in her life.

She didnt know what to think, or what to do, all she was able to see was the reality of the minutes since the waitress appeared. The entire day vanishing in front of her, erased by a ghost that she was not able to face because she was not able to name it, to see it, to find it. She could only feel it just by looking in Tinas eyes.

Seating at Tinas side, Bette looked at her. Tina was looking ahead, her right hand caressing the seat as if cradling her thoughts. She was looking as if she was not aware of Bettes presence, breaking Bettes heart with each quiet second that was passing between them.

Watching Tina moving away from her, feeling like a desert island, Bette shivered, wanting to cry but knowing that if she let tears roll down it could be the end.

Defeat, she closed her eyes, wanting to vanish, to stop the world, needing time to face reality, needing time to think. Missing Tina already she felt the beginning of a sob climbing up her throat. Fighting it she heard a distant voice whispering,

Can we go to your place?

Tinas request surprised Bette almost as much as the sudden change in the nights dynamic. But at the same time opened a tiny window in her confused mind, letting the bright sun to light it.

Driving in silence, Bette was trying to find the answer to what was going on, to whatever that was running through Tinas head. As time passed without their knowledge, Bette parked the car at her driveway, sighing while turning the engine off.

She turned to look at Tina who was still looking ahead. Opening her mouth to say something, whatever to break the tense mood, she noticed Tinas lips lightly trembling. Moved by that image, Bette closed her mouth, giving Tina time to open up.

Minutes past and even when Bette was very agitated and scared by what was going on she was finding solace in those quiet minutes with Tina. Thinking about it Bette realized that it was the first time in her entirely life that she was comfortable being uncomfortable with someone.
Feeling lost, felt different in Tinas company. Bette was finding Tinas presence like a hug, like a cold breeze in a humid summer afternoon. Closing her eyes Bette leaned backwards, resting her head on the seat.

“How were you when you were little? whispered Tina out of the blue.

Opening her yes by the surprise, Bette turned her head to face Tina who, still looking ahead, had her hand resting on her lap.

Lonely honestly answered Bette after a few seconds.

You? she asked Tina, finding very difficult not to raise her hand to caress her bare arm.

Happy said Tina, turning to look at Bette.

Feeling her heart heavier, Bette nodded, not sure what to say.

Why were you lonely? asked Tina again, moving her body to face Bette.

Moving, Bette faced Tina and after looking at her for a few seconds, she said,

My sister left when I was 7..my mother died when I was 10 .my my father and I were very close but that didnt make it less lonely

Nodding, noticing the pain in Bette words, Tina nodded, placing her hand on Bettes.

Didnt you have friends? she whispered, caressing Bettes long fingers.

Not many answered Bette shaking her head.

Nodding, Tina continued caressing Bettes hand in silence till Bette said, looking down at Tinas beautiful hand caressing hers.

You had many, right?

Looking at Bette, Tina nodded, feeling her throat closing while tears were running to her eyes.

Noticing the emotion drew on Tinas face, Bette sweetly whispered,

Why dont we go inside? Do you want a cup of tea?

Ok mumbled Tina, gulping as she was looking away from Bettes soft stare.

Feeling Tina removing her hand from hers Bette felt her body aching as if something was ripping it apart.

Following Bettes steps Tina walked inside only to notice, the moment she close the door, Bettes perfume all over the place. Crossing her arms, Tina walked towards the coach. Bette, noticing the gesture, asked,

“Are you cold?…wait here she said, not waiting for Tinas answer, walking towards her bedroom.

Sitting on the couch, still in the dark, Tina felt the velvet cushions caressing her bare arms. Sighing, tired and confused she leaned backwards, resting her head on them, trying to find the road, the strength to find out, to be able to name what was going on with her.

Walking back, Bette found Tina laying on the couch. The image sweet and *****, a very strange combinations Bette thought. Pacing slowly, she moved closer, sitting at the edge of the couch. Placing her hand very lightly on Tinas arm, she said,

“Here, put this on

Feeling Bettes presence so close, how her hand rested on her arm was burning the skin, Tina sighed before opening her eyes to say,

Thanks

Putting on Bettes cashmere sweater, Tina noticed her scent, so familiar, so comforting, it made her shiver to think that it was teasing her.

You want some tea? asked Bette, loving seeing Tina wearing her sweater.

Nodding, Tina shyly smiled. As Bette stood up to walk to the kitchen Tina quietly followed her steps. Opening some cabinets Bette took a couple of cups and turning on the kettle, she said,

What is that scares you so much?

Bette knew, as she was voicing her fears that itd be a too direct, too honest question but she was pretty sure that it was better to go there and find out than spend the night talking about the weather.

Sitting at the kitchens table, as if Bette never voiced her thoughts, Tina said,

“Ive only been in love once, with. And I thought it was it. I thought it was real, I was happy or so I thought. Everything was perfect, he was perfect, we were friends, we were best friends before we were lovers

Listening Tinas words Bette felt how her insides were twisting, the knot in her stomach becoming tighter, and her mouth drier. She walked to the table and sat down in front of Tina.

He was kind, funny, generous and treat me like a queen, but then there was something missingII was missing somethingthere was just too easy or maybe not too easy but too perfect you know what I mean?

For the first time since she sat down Tina looked up locking her eyes with Bettes.

Bette was not sure what to think. Everything Tina was saying sounded familiar but she didnt know where she was trying to go or even to say, so noticing the anguish look on Tinas face she nodded, hoping for her to continue talking.

Watching Bette, Tina felt the need to touch her. Realizing how strong that need was scared her even more, making her to stand up, needing to move away from Bettes closeness.

Pacing up and down the kitchen, she heard the kettle whistle so moving closer she poured the water for the tea.
Bette, watching Tina doing that noticed, for the first time, her hands.
They were thin, long and firm. Bette noticed that Tinas body was trembling but her hands were the only part of her body that knew what they were doing.
Sighing, Bette closed her eyes for a few seconds only opening them when she felt Tina closer, handing her the tea cup.

“Thanks Bette whispered as her fingers itched to caress Tinas.

Nodding, Tina continued pacing in silence for a few seconds before saying,

“We well I..I broke up with himI havent had any other relationship since himIm not very sexual.. (without Tinas notice, Bette raised her eyebrow, finding difficult to believe what she was hearing) I meanI dont like one night standsIII was fineI knew what I wantedI knew what I amI knew I was happytill I met you

Bette was feeling as confusion was clouding her mind, she was lost and didnt know what to say, what to do. She was looking at Tina, dying to touch her, to whispered sweet words but then, listening to her words she was scare to do so, the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Tina, even when doing nothing was hurting her even more.

Tina, unaware of Bettes mind struggling, was blowing to her cup, trying to cool her tea, thinking.

As if moved by a mayor force, she moved closer to Bette, and taking a chair she sat down at her side. Leaving the cup of tea on the table, Tina looked at Bette, finding in her sad eyes all the comfort she needed to voice what she was dying, fearing to say,

I met you and something inside broke apart. I didnt know what it was. At first I thought it was one of those things you know(seeing Bette unable to talk, listening to her as if she was the only thing in the world, Tina took Bettes hands in hers)… I decide go with the flow am not a prudeIve met too many models, actors and musicians to beI knew where I was getting into (noticing how Bette raised her eyebrow as she compared her world with the one of an actor, model or even a musician, Tina felt a giggle fighting to escaped her tightened lungs, but instead she started caressing Bettes fingers)what I didnt know what I was not prepare for was what I found out suddenly tonightwhen the waitress coughed as a thunder there it was I realized what I have been missing all this years…

Hearing Tinas words, Bette was feeling her heart breaking apart, shocked and very moved, realizing that for the first time in her life, something was real, something was true, that there were no games.

Noticing Bettes silence, how still she was, the way she was looking at her, Tina sighed. But as she doubted for a few seconds she also realized that she had to say it all.

Bette (Tina said standing up, releasing Bettes hand)Ive never, ever felt like tonightIve never felt the need I felt tonight for a moment there I thought that if I didnt touch you I was going to die I know passion Ive had my passionate nights but there was something else tonight there was an urge it wasnt just desire, lust that wasnt isnt what scares me I mean since we kissed in the darkroom Ive been thinking about, thinking that maybe am a ***** I know…thats ok that doesnt worries me what worries me what scares me (as Tina was pacing again, she stopped close to the garden glass doors, looking ahead, her back to Bette)what sacres me, what was am not sure am ready for… is you

As Bette was listening Tinas words, her last ones in a whispered, she noticed how her shoulders relaxed as if defeat.

Standing up, not knowing what she was doing or going to say, Bette moved closer to Tina, stopping just behind her.

Feeling her proximity, slowly as if wanting to really feel it, as if printing a memory with it, Bette placed her right hand on Tinas shoulder.
Very slowly she leaned forward, resting her chin on Tinas left shoulder.

Why are you so scare? she asked again, her words sweetly threw into the air, looking for an answer to die with.

Hearing Bettes question, feeling the words warming while caressing her ear, Tina sighed.

Slowly, she turned around to face Bette.

Unaware of the tear that was running down her cheek she said, looking at Bette in the eyes.

“Because for the first time in my life I know that somebody You you could break my heart, my body, my senses because even now at this exact moment I know that you have the power to make my life complete, because looking you in the eyes I feel as if Id live my life drowning in them, because feeling your touch, hearing your voice I feel as if nothing else countsbecause I know now that you are all I want and because as impossible as this sound, I know that this is real, that is true, that is what I feel that is who I am because Ive never said anything like this in my life

Hearing Tinas words Bette felt dizzy, the kitchen walls were spinning as her knees weakening. Raising her hand, Bette erased Tinas tear, interrupting her speech only to rest her lips on Tinas cheek for a few seconds before moving them to her lips.

Without noticing the tears she was crying, feeling her hands trembling, Bette whispered,

“Ive been ***** my whole lifeIve known am ***** since I was a kid and not till I met you Ive known what is to be alive. My life has been a dream and now here with you am finally awake. I dont know you and you are already in my life, in my body Since I met you I wake up every day thinking about you. I breathe because I know you are there, I go to sleep praying for you to acknowledge me I need you to know me, I need to share my secrets with you. Every day since I met you Ive been dying to talk with you, to hear your voice, to touch you”

Taking a breath deeply sighing, Bette moved slightly apart, needing to see Tinas eyes, dying to see what they were saying.

Tina silencing a sob, biting her lip, moved her hand to sweetly erased Bette tears.

Nodding, as if aching, dying for Tinas touch, looking at her, Bette added,

I am here, am yours, I dont care about the past, the future is here because my future is you, my present is becoming the past as I see you, because as I touch you I only see my future

shhh Tina whispered, putting her fingers on Bettes lips.

Nodding, as the first time they kissed, Tina leaned forward, only to rest her lips on Bettes.

“Will you dance with me?Bette whispered, loving the salty taste of Tinas cried lips.

“Dance? There is no music Tina mumbled a bit confused.

Who says we need music? said Bette, taking Tinas hand in hers, leading her into an embrace.

Resting her head on Tinas shoulder, Bette started slow dancing.

Feeling Bettes heart beating hard, her lips on her neck, Tina sighed before letting her body follow Bettes lead.
Just then, as she let her body relax, as she trusted her guts, Tina heard the music playing.