“What are you worried about the most?”

Bette stopped walking and turned to face Tina. She took both of her hands, hesitating for a moment, not knowing quite how to say what she was feeling. “What I am worried about the most, is that if you and I want to live together, that it is going to be up to me to make all the compromises. I will be the one that will have to leave my home, my family…leave my beautiful gallery. I will be the one who will have to move to a city, that even though it is beautiful and obviously vibrant, is not really a city that I have ever wanted to live in.” Bette let out a big breath. “That is what I worry about the most.”

Tina didn’t know what to say…now realizing, that up until this moment, she had convinced herself that everything would be fine, because of the incredible amount of love they shared. Now understanding that there was so much more…’God, I really am asking Bette to leave everything for me’…she did the only thing she could at that moment…she stood there, looking into the eyes of the woman she wanted to wake up next to every day for the rest of her life…and she cried


Bette reached out, pulling Tina into her arms. “God T, I’m so sorry! Please…I wasn’t trying to hurt you…but as much as I would like to be able to say that nothing else matters, except being with you…I just can’t. Tina…Baby…shhhh, please don’t cry. That doesn’t mean we won’t get to where we both want to be…which is together. We’ll get there…just give me some time to process it all.” She leaned back and aimed her intense gaze on Tina’s eyes, forcing Tina to look back at her. “Come on,” she pointed to a bench. “Let’s sit for a minute.”

Tina stayed silent, but nodding her head, moved in the direction of a bench that was sitting back away from the path, nestled between a tall evergreen tree and a group of rhododendrons.

As they sat down, Bette reached over and picked up Tina’s left hand, bringing it back and laying it in her lap, cradling it between her own hands. “Maybe it’s just too much to think about all at once. I don’t know…but right now, the thought of leaving everything, and everyone I know and love…well, the thought of that is…incredibly daunting.” Bette stopped talking for a moment to try and gage how Tina was reacting. Tina, on the other hand was still silently crying, just looking down at the ground, that was soft with layers of pine needles.

“You know, it was hard enough to leave LA and move to New York at the age of 35. To be honest, I loved living in LA and really didn’t want to leave. But, because I didn’t have you in my life any more, and I didn’t care about the CAC…I mean, that was just a job…I needed to start anew. And that’s what New York was, a fresh start. But, now at 49, I would be leaving so much more. Leslie and Kit…I can’t tell you how close we are…how important it is for me to be able to see them all the time. Even now, I see one or the other of them at least five days a week. And my gallery…Nica and I built that gallery…taking what was an old warehouse and designed everything together, from top to bottom. That gallery was so much a part of our lives…even when Milaine was younger, she would come after school, just to hang out with me. And then…” It was Bette’s turn to cry. She looked out at the water, allowing her tears to flow without interruption. “After Nica died, that gallery was my salvation.” Looking over at Tina, she understood what she was going to have to do to make this relationship what they wanted…it’s just, she had already let go of so much just by allowing herself to love Tina without guilt, so to let go of everything else…she just didn’t know if she was ready. She shook her head, overwhelmed at the changes ahead of them. “Baby…I want to be with you, and I know that we will figure this all out…I do, because I refuse to lose you again. I promise you I won’t let our second chance slip away. I just need time…and I want us to try to exhaust all our other options first. Ok?”

Tina finally found her voice, but continued to stare down into the ground. “I am so sorry Bette. I guess I just got caught up in everything…in us…in being together again. I mean, I knew that we were going to have to make some changes, but I guess I just didn’t think it all the way through.” Tina looked up, catching her partner’s eyes, and Bette’s heart broke seeing the sadness clouding her eyes, pulling on her face. “I guess I was so excited, that I actually thought everything would all fall neatly into place, just because we love each other” Tina lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’m sorry Bette. I wasn’t thinking about you, and the wonderful life you have built for yourself in New York. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted you to be with me, and how much I wanted to share my children with you. But, you’re right, you shouldn’t be expected to have to leave everything you know and love, when I don’t have to make any changes at all. I’m sorry Baby.”

Bette smiled at that last part. “Well, first of all, I am hoping that we are not going to keep score on who has to make the most compromises…you know how competitive I am…and second, I think that having a woman living with you and your children, would prove to be quite the change…don’t you?”

Tina managed a soft laugh. “Yea…I guess you’re right about that.” Tina leaned back against the bench, thinking about what it would be like with Bette living with her and her children. “Bette…how much do you travel for the galleries?”

Bette looked down, taking a moment to think about her normal schedule. “Well, I usually try to spend a week a month in Chicago, at my gallery there.” She smiled at Tina. “I think you would like it T. It’s very similar to the gallery in New York.” She laughed. “And very popular. A couple of years ago, it somehow showed up in a newspaper article about where the rich and famous shop for their artwork, and we have had a steady, and wealthy clientele ever since. The strange part is, we had only been open for about a year when article came out, and I don’t remember selling anything in that first year to anyone famous. So, I don’t know who they were talking about, but it has made my gallery an incredible success, so for that, I am grateful…other than that, I try to do the bulk of my traveling at the same time, taking a couple of months in the spring. Of course, there are shorter side trips during the year, going to different shows, important openings, things like that. To be honest, nowadays with all the technology, I don’t really have to travel as much in order to sign an artist. I mean, I can look at everything online, or with a disc that I can just put in my laptop. I don’t have to personally be there…but you know how I love to travel, how I love to be able to see a piece of art in person, so I have continued to do it the old fashion way…by going to them.” Bette squeezed Tina’s hand. “Baby, please know that when you and I are together, I will not travel as much. I’ll be able to turn over a lot of those duties to Milaine in a couple of years, but until then, I will try to scale back my time away. I won’t be gone as much as I am now…” She let out a small chuckle. “Well, actually it looks like I will be traveling a lot more now. In fact, it looks like I am going to get to know the New York to Seattle flight schedules pretty intimately.”

Tina tried to smile at that, but couldn’t shake the feeling that she and Bette were talking about very different futures. ‘Does Bette want to continue to live in New York, and just commute on weekends, or something similar?’

“Bette, what do you see as our future? Do you want to stay in New York with regular visits out here, or do you want to live with me? Because, Baby…I want that so much. I want…” Tina blew out a breath. “Dan is such a wonderful father, and he lives close by so that he can still be involved in the kids lives on a regular basis. And Kathy…she is great with them, and they really like her as well. Dan and I have been lucky that there is no negative stepmother stuff. The kids don’t blame her, or think she’s trying to take my place. They really all get along. But Bette…I want my children to have the privilege of your influence as well. I want them to know your love, to feel your love. They have a two parent home when they are at Dan’s, I want them to have that with me as well…and I want you to be that second parent.” She looked down, unsure of Bette’s reaction to her admission. “I know that Dani only has five more years before she graduates and goes off the college, but Paul will still be at home for seven years, and Alex has ten. Baby, Alex is the same age now as Milaine was when she came to you, and look how wonderful she is. Imagine the difference it would make in my daughter’s life, to live with and be loved by you for those ten years.”

Tina stood up, then knelt down on one knee in front of Bette, taking hold of both her hands. “We always wanted to have a family, you and I. We didn’t get that chance the first time, but now…it may not be like we had planned, having a child together, but Baby, we can still have that family.” Tina stayed on her knee, earnestly looking into the eyes of her partner, her lover. Her heart was pounding in her chest, each breath was fast and hollow. She knelt there…waiting, praying that she and Bette both wanted the same thing for their future.

Bette shut her eyes, gathering her thoughts. “Oh Baby…”

tbc