As Tina closed the front door behind Bette after she left for work, she thought to herself about what a roller coaster this past week had been.

Being with Bette in the shower this morning had been like no other experience that the two of them had shared during the entire time of their relationship together.

Bettes simple words of I get it, T had shaken Tina to the core. She had yearned to hear Bette tell her that she trusted her again, that she believed in the love that the two of them still shared and that she truly, truly believed that their future as a couple was an attainable goal.

Until she had heard those four simple words, Tina didnt know that Bette had honestly believed that a life together for them could happen. She knew that Bette wanted a future with her, but whether or not it could happen? She had been terrified of the doubts that Bette had clearly and painfully expressed…up until this morning. The entire playing field had shifted with Bettes admittance of finally understanding.

She was not so nave as to think that all of the clouds had lifted and skies had cleared, but she now had the knowledge that Bette was going to trust that they could forage a path together and build a life for the two of them that would last until either or both determined.

Her reservations about returning to LA had increased over the last couple of days. She knew that she and Bette had made tremendous headway in getting to the heart of their problems and felt that to leave her right now, would only slow that progress. Selfishly, she also knew that the thought of being away from Bette for an extended period of time was not something that either her body or mind was ready to accept.

She felt agitated and didnt know why. Whenever Bette left in the morning, Tina physically felt a response from her body. There was a hollowness caused by her departure that she was helpless to stop.

Jesus, this is ridiculous! she said out loud to the empty apartment. All she ***** did was go to work and I am pining away for her like a puppy whose owner has left for the first time!

No, there was more to her agitation than Bettes leaving. She could not exactly put her finger on it, but in thinking back to their conversations of the last couple of nights, she knew that she was very upset about not knowing what Bette had been going through. She had always considered herself to be quite intuitive as to other peoples thoughts and feelings, especially Bettes for Gods sake, and the fact that she had missed so much was really bothering her.

***** it she said as she reached for the phone. Sorry Al, but what are friends for, right?

After the fourth ring, Tina heard, Six ***** thirty in the morning. Youre kiddin me, right? said a more than slightly irritated Alice.

Sorry Al, but I need to talk to you replied Tina, not really all that sorry.

Should I be charging for this? she replied, slowly sitting up to rest against the headboard.

Thats your call said Tina with no trace of humor in her voice.

Alice, having picked up on the tone said, Whats up TK? You two doin alright?

Tina fell on to the sofa and let out a sigh of exasperation. I think so she said, none too convincing.

Ok said Alice, Now, do you wanna tell me whats goin on? I mean, really going on?

Well said Tina, I mean, everything is ok, I just, *****, I dont really know where to start she said in a frustrated manner.

Why dont you tell me how our friend is doing?

I think that she is doing ok, but…well, I mean, thats part of the problem said Tina, her voice starting to crack. I used to think that I knew her so well, and now, Im coming to find out that I didnt know her at all she said, the tears beginning to fall.

Ok T, what are you talking about? We all know that there is no one in this world that knows Bette Porter like you do. So, whats going on? Where is this coming from?

With the exception of Tinas soft crying, there was no response from the other end of the phone.

T? asked Alice softly.

Still not getting a response, Alice decided to just wait for Tina to respond when she was ready.

I feel like I really let her down sobbed Tina, this time the cries gaining strength.

Tina, cmon said Alice in a tone suggesting that Tina was imagining things.

No, I mean it! Where the ***** was I for the last 12 months of our relationship? I dont even know. The only thing that I do know is that my wife, my partner, my soulmate needed me and I was never therenever ***** there the cries being painfully wrenched from her heart.

I uh started Alice, not really sure how to respond, I guess that I dont understand what youre saying, T. I mean, it seemed like you were always there for Bette, always available for her for when she needed you, and that if anything, she was the one that was not always around for you

After a pause, I guess that we see what we want to see, Al whispered Tina, the cries beginning to subside.

Tina, it wasnt an issue of seeing what I wanted to see, thats truly how it appeared Alice emphatically clarified.

Maybe then she sadly admitted, its an issue of you seeing what I wanted you to see.

This time, Alice had no response.

I am not going to pretend to be following you here, TK said Alice softly.

Nohow could you? sighed Tina.

Al she explained, Bette and I have been having some really tough conversations this week. I mean, dont get me wrong she quickly added. They have been tough but have also been very enlightening.

I feel like for the first time, over the course of the last year or so of our relationship, I am really getting to know the woman that I lived with. The same woman that I called my wife and my partner she admitted.

Sad, actually Tina said. Sad that it took our reaching the brink of utter destruction to allow each other to learn who the person that we referred to as our lifes partner was, I mean, who that person really was she remorsefully trailed off, tears still slowly running down her cheeks.

Tina said Alice softly, I dont really know what to say, except that if you wish to share some of what you have learned from Bette this week, I am more than willing to listen.

She scared me, Al whispered Tina, not having really heard what Alice said.

What do you mean? asked Alice clearly alarmed. I mean, she didnt try and leaving the words unspoken as she was not able to finish the sentence.

What? asked Tina, snapping out of her trance. Good God, no Alice!!! You know that she would never do anything to hurt me! I mean, how could you even-

Ok, whoa Tiger, Im sorry. Its just what you are saying, you made me wonder there for a second. And of course I know that Bette would never intentionally hurt you, its just

There are no ***** justs, Al! suddenly becoming very protective of Bette.

Ok ok, lets start this over. You said that she scared you. What did you mean?

Tina took a deep breath, taking a step away from the anger that had just risen in her voice and thought back to the Bette of the last two nights.

You know when I told you the other day that she seemed afraid of me?

Yeah, you said that you thought that she was afraid that you may leave her again.

Well, I have come to realize that there is so much more to it than just that she sadly said.

Tina paused for a moment and then admitted, I think that I left Bette much longer than just 6 months ago

Translation?

Your perception was always that Bette was too busy for me, especially towards the end, right?

Well, I guess that if you had to define it as such, than yeah

Do you think that she was there for me after I lost the baby? whispered Tina.

T, I mean really, I dont know all of the details she said, trying to get out of answering the question.

Alice, please. If you are trying to suggest that you have no opinion on this replied Tina with irritation in her voice.

Fine said Alice, knowing that she had been caught in her own trap. If you want to know the truth, then no, it didnt appear that Bette was there for you after you lost the baby. There, I said it! Where the ***** are you going with all of this Tina? she angrily asked.

Did you ever ask yourself if I let Bette be there for me? asked Tina quietly.

Did you ever ask yourself if I was there for Bette? If anyone at all was there for Bette? After the baby, during that ***** Provocations opening, during that God awful run-in with Faye Buckley emotion rising in her voice.

God damnit! screamed Tina into the phone, now do you see where I am ***** going with this? she sobbed.

I was never there for Bette during that time, and you know what? cried Tina, I knew it she wailed.

I knew that Bette needed me and I didnt feel like doing a ***** thing about it! Did she ever come right out and say T, I need you? No, not in so many words, but you know what else, Al? You do not live with someone day in and day out for 7 years, sleep next to someone every night for 7 years, make love to someone for 7 years, just simply spend your life with someone for 7 years and not know what every ***** action of their being means! You know what every ***** blink of their eye means, what every twitch of a finger means, every shrug of a shoulder and what every breath both taken and emitted from their body means, and that is what is ***** killing me. I knew, I ***** knew she said between clenched jaws.

She was hurting, Al. she tearfully tried to explain. She was in so much pain, and I pushed her away. *****, I think at one time I even blamed her for my losing the baby. I mean, if she had only been around more, tended to my needs more, loved me more she continued to cry.

I wonder she whispered into the phone, what did I do to her?

Alice said nothing, not willing to interrupt Tina. She was floored to be hearing Tinas perspective on their relationship, everything that was being said coming as a complete shock.

Again she continued trying to compose herself. I am not going to say that I led Bette by the hand, spread Candaces legs apart and forced her to have ***** with her, but to say that I did not point out the way, would be nothing short of a lie she weakly admitted.

After finally finding her voice, Alice said So, what are you going to do, T?

I dont know she sadly said. This week that I have spent with her has made me realize just how much I love her, while also pointing out the role that I had in the destruction of our relationship. If its even at all possible, I think that I love her more now than I ever did when we were together before, and I dont know how thats humanly feasible.

No chuckled Alice, I wouldnt have said that it would have been possible for you to love Bette Porter more than you did before, but stranger things have happened

Yeah agreed Tina tiredly, worn out from her admissions.

T? asked Alice.

Uh huh?

Can it work out?

Its not a matter of can, Al. It willit must. We both know now that we cant live without each other she stated matter of factly, no emotion present in her voice.

We made a big step this morning continued Tina.

Yeah? What was that?

I think that I finally got through to her that she can trust me again, that I will not abandon her again, either mentally or physically.

You think that it sunk in? That Porter head is pretty dense

I know that it is, but I think that it did actually settle in. I realized though, that I dont think that it would have if she hadn’t wanted it to, meaning, I think that she wants to believe in us again.

After a deep breath, she continued, Were both tired, Al, tired of being without each other. I never dreamed that it would be possible to miss someone as much as I have missed her. We are re-connecting, at a pace that I hope suggests longevity.

Are you still coming here on Monday? asked Alice.

Uhhhh sighed Tina in frustration. I really dont want to, but I think that if I dont go, it will send the wrong message to Bette.

What do you mean?

Well, I dont want her to think that I am afraid of leaving her because I fear that she would, well, you know

Cheat on you?

Something like that said Tina quickly.

You know what else is funny, Al?

Hmmm?

Oddly, after all of this *****, I know that I trust her more than I did at any other time in our previous relationship, and I trusted her completely then. She continued, somewhat in wonderment, You know, right now, I actually trust her more than I have ever trusted any other human being throughout my entire life. How ***** ironic is that? she sarcastically laughed.

Like I said, stranger things commented Alice.

I guess replied Tina.

Im sorry, Al, I should let you go.

No, seriously, its fine. If you need to talk T, I am right here.

Thanks Al, but I really want to call Bette and see how shes doing. I know that the last couple of days have been really rough on her, and I really

Just wanna hear her voice? smiled Alice.

Yeah, I really just wanna hear her voice said Tina, smiling herself.

Ok, well tell her I said hey, and oh yeah, to start taking care of her husbandly duties!!!

Alice, not with that again!!! laughed Tina.

Well, am I right? teased Alice.

Good bye, Al

All Tina heard as she hung up the phone is, I am SO right!

Maybe so thought Tina to herself, but all in good time, all in good time.