The loud metrical thumping of one of todays top 100 hits could be heard surging along the street as Bette and Tina strolled up the sidewalk toward Radar.

Glancing around cautiously, I still cant believe you got me out of the house dressed like this. If anyone from work sees me Im going to die right here on the street Noticing no response from her lover, Bettes voice shifts into a full whine, Tina, Im completely serious, Ill die right here, keel over and expire at your feet on the cold hard concrete are you even listening to me?

Sighing heavily and rolling her eyes skyward, For the last hour Ive been listening Bette. First if the neighbors saw you wed have to move – under the cover of darkness I might add. Then you were attempting to duck behind the steering wheel as we drove past the gas station – God forbid the pump attendant would witness such a sight and now steps from Radar youre losing your mind over someone from work seeing you – like ***** Franklin is going to be hanging out in We Ho on Halloween!

Stopping for a moment and looking directly into Bettes eyes, Bette, honey listen to me okay, because what Im about to say is so very important and comes from the deepest most sincere part of my heart shut up – youre making me crazy! With that Tina grabs Bettes hand and laces their fingers together before pressing her soft lips against Bettes. Babe, youre totally ***** hot in that outfit and every woman in this place is going to be jealous of me because youre all mine, so can we please get in there so I can start gloating?! Tina tugs at Bettes hand, coaxing her into the club.

Allowing her vision to adjust to the dimly lit room and flashing neon lights, Tina eventually spots the gang hovering around a table toward the middle of the room, Come on, again tugging at Bettes hand, Theyre over here.

Not budging until she knows exactly where shes going, Bette holds her ground, Where?

In the middle right there – see? Tina points toward the table, but Bette still doesnt recognize anyone.

Sorry, but I dont

Frustrated now, Babe, right there! Tina juts her finger tenaciously this time, See Shane, shes dressed like young Mick Jagger, or is it early Keith Richards? Whatever

Got it! I see them.

As the women approach the table Shane greets them by raising her glass in a toasting motion, Officer and

Recruit. Im a Navy recruit Shane. Tina winks and giggles, Ive always had a thing for an authoritative woman in uniform, Nodding toward Bette, Shes my Commanding Officer.

Shane winks at Bette, Sweet!

Tina smiles brightly, Do you guys know what they call my hat? Almost bursting from the need to shock her pals Tina doesnt wait for a response, A ***** cap! Can you believe it?

Bette clears her throat while allowing the barrage of giggling to dissolve before addressing her tangled haired friend, And you Shane, Bette leans in for a closer look, Who are you this year, Jagger or Richards?

Smiling slyly, Both either doesnt matter; they both still draw the ladies.

Alice pipes up, Yea, arent those guys like a hundred and eighty or something? I heard Jagger can still ***** like a rabbit though – can go all night long and still wake up with a woody in the morning. Alice pumps her hips to emphasis her point.

Shane lifts her glass again to the group, Alright then, Jagger it is!

Bette squints a little and ***** her head at Alice, Al, what the *****?

What? I heard it from an excellent source at LA Mag – like a rabbit man! again rocking her hips to drive home the point.

No, what the ***** are you dressed as?

Oh, Im Cat Woman! Alice turns and proceeds to shake her rear against Bette, See, I have a tail.

Al, Bette gives her a gentle shove, get your butt off me – and dont rub it on Tina either – Im warning you!

Tina turns toward Dana, So, Dane, a doctor huh? You look good in that white coat – are you wearing anything underneath?

Danas face flushes instantly.

Go on Dane, tell them. Alice motions toward Bette and Tina, who stare with interest.

Jesus, Alice, cant you leave anything alone. God, its just not that big of a deal. Dana glares at Alice with shear defiance tattooed across her face.

Not that big of a deal? Who cares about that hey, do you do house calls?

Bite me! Dana hisses across the table.

Ooh good one, I thought I heard Jenny say the same thing to you earlier oh God this is hysterical – youre too easy! Alice grins wickedly.

Bette and Tina watch with amusement as the two obviously sexually frustrated friends gibe back-and-forth while Shane stares at her drink with a knowing smirk planted across her lips. Tinas thoughts about how much longer these two can stand it before they end up in the sack together are interrupted when Alice proceeds to explain, Jenny asked Dana to be her costume partner this evening – for the contest. She told Dana to dress as a

DOCTOR! Dana shouts cutting off Alice.

Allowing her eyes to quickly shift to Dana and then back to the Portards, Doctor sure, but a GYNO to be exact. Alice breaks into a loud belly laugh, slapping her hand hard against the table.

Thanks Alice! Dana scolds, Thats nice, just keep making fun. Its obvious Im here solely for your personal entertainment.

Tina breaks in, Al, sorry I dont get it. Why is Dana dressed as a Gyno so funny?

Its not Dana, Shane pipes in with her slow and ***** voice, while still not looking up, but instead continuing to stare down the drink in front of her, so much as its the combo with Jenny dressed like a huge

I know, isnt it great? Jennys voice sounds piercingly just behind Bettes left shoulder distracting the group from their conversation. The military duo twist around to find Jenny standing there with her face sticking out from beneath a hood smiling like a fool at the occupants at the table behind them, Well, you are what you eat – right?!

*****! Shane finished her explanation, though not really needing to.

Bettes jaw falls slack; she cant stop staring at the huge, over-stuffed ***** standing before her. Tina on the other hand has allowed her forehead to thump heavily against the table as she buckles with laughter.

Jennys bright smile fades as she witnesses the group of ladies laughing hysterically, bar one who is cowering from embarrassment. Alice noticing the quick shift in Jennys demeanor moves to her, wrapping her up in a big hug, Hey no, now dont be upset, were not laughing at you Alice stifles a chuckle, were laughing with you – right? She motions for everyone at the table to agree with her, Besides, this combo of you and Dana is absolutely ***** brilliant! Im sure youll win the contest tonight – no doubts here, nope, none. You two are a slam dunk, wham bam thank ya maam!

Bette, still unable to verbalize even a single syllable at this point slowly turns toward Tina whose head remains lying on the table as she attempts another sneak peek at the talking *****. But before Tina can find complete composure and bring herself back to a full upright position, Shane pops off in her laid back sultry voice, Whoa Dana, dude, isnt that your ***** rubbing against Marinas *****?

Bette attempting to finish a sip of her drink spews the wet remnants across the table barely missing Shane, while at the same time grapples for Tina who has now slipped from her seat and is heading for the floor.

***** YOU Shane! And Ill have you know that Jagger probably has to use a pump to get a woody and I bet his ***** is all shriveled up and puny! Dana turns and walks defiantly toward the ladies room while Jenny waddles quickly in her wake, leaving Shane smiling with delight.

With Tina safely back in her chair Bette leans across the table and shifts her attention between Alice and Shane, Okay, one question, I thought Jenny is a natural brunette, whats up with the blonde *****?

Shane snickers as another loud thump radiates across the table from Tina collapsing in hysteria once again, Oh God Bette oh I cant breathe my stomach no more!