April 11th, 2004

Dear Diary,

I’m dead! What a BUMMER! I’m still a bit baffled as this came rather surprisingly. One moment you lay down for a nap and next thing you know, you float under the ceiling looking down on yourself. First I thought I finally mastered astral projection, wich would have been really cool, because I could have patroled around my house without actually having to move a single muscle. But then my bond servant came and tried to wake me up. She really tried hard and even started to cry because she couldn’t get me to open my eyes. I was beginning to wonder if I was having one of thoose strange nightmares again. Like the one were I was swimming naked in a sea of red yello and this hughe tunafish is chasing me with the theme of jaws playing in the background.

I finally figured out what was going on when this white light appeared and I heard these angelic voices calling my name. I started walking towards the light and began to see what seemed like a REALLY long tunnel. At the end I could see these hot looking feline. All very obviously in heat and parading their rear ends for me. I continued to walk slowly towards them, when I suddenly realized, how can they dare to expect me to walk all the way to the end of that tunnel myself?!? So I turned around to make my bond servant carry me to the other end. After I had made a few steps in the opposite direction, the white light suddenly dissapeared. Ignorants! Now they will never have the pleasure of my company.

It took me a few minutes to let my sudden and untimely death sink in. I was still completely immeresed in thoughts when the sobbing of my bondservant caught my attention. I was a little surprised that she was so sad about my demise. We had a good and working master/servant relationship, and I was mostly very pleased with her services, but I didn’t expected her to have deeper feelings for me. It was quite flattering, but of course there was never a real chance for an us. After all she was just my bondservant.

What was more interesting though, was the behaviour of her servant. She appeared completely untouched by my death and even seemed to be smirking when my servant wasn’t looking. That *****! She must have poisoned my tuna or something, but I am sure it was her doing that led to my unexpected end. She willl pay dearly for that treachery!
I shall plot my revenge thuroughly, I will speak daggers to her, but use none; My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites;
How in my words soever she be shent, To give them seals never, my soul, consent!

The first step in my plan for revange already worked out perfectly. After I got used to my new ghostly floating self, I managed to posess that blond friend of my servant for a brief moment. It was barely enough to make her kiss my servant, but that was more then enough to set things into motion. The ***** of hers will be really surprised when my plan finally comes together. Muhahahahahaha… but I’m getting way ahead of things.

Uhm so where was I? Right, my funeral! Quite touching it was, I have to admit that, but what was it with the embroidery on the inside of the coffin lid? Do I look like a friggin rapper? I’m not Mr. P… my name is P-I-D-D-L-E-S… not P, homeboy, homes, homey, pimp, mack daddy, bro, dogg or Jam Master P. No wait, especially not dogg!!! I hope they’ll remeber that for the next time. The worst part was jet to come though. It finally arrived when my ex-bondservant announced she would marry that ***** of hers. Over my dead body! No wait, I am already dead.. BLAST! Anyway, how can she dare doing that on MY funeral? What a total outrage! This is even worse then the way my body looked in that coffin. How could they dare putting my luscious body in the freezer anyway? I would have truely deserved something better, but there are other things more important to you when you are on the other side.

I have to go now diary, I need to practice free floating and possessions. I still float around totally uncontrolled half the time, and I really wanna try to posess that *****! I crave to see her face when I stuff that white little thingy with the string into another hole of hers…. muhahahahahaha.

To be continued…