Bette shook her head. She hadnt considered the fallout from everything that had happened between them. Last night was one ***** of an eye opener. Between things that Yolanda and Candace said to me, I saw myself in a very poor light. I need to do something about that Tina and Id like to know if you can help me through it?

Tina turned away. A part of her was angry that Bette was so presumptuous and cavalier in her attitude, while the other side of her, the sympathetic side felt perverse compassion for her. I dont know Bette, Tina forced the words out. I know Im guilty of some of our problems Bette, but never once did having an affair ever cross my mind, and if the tables were turned, I doubt you would be as forgiving or even as understanding as you want me to be, Tina saw Bette swallow hard and noticed her Im-on-the-verge-of-crying-look. You know what?

What? Bette replied softly.

Lets just eat breakfast. Afterward I think you should take me home and you go home and really think about how you would have felt if you were wearing my shoes, then Ill be willing to talk some more with you, Tina picked at her food to avoid Bettes stare.

Fair enough! But Tina, I cant promise you that Im gonna be willing to play the waiting game forever.


After Bette and Tinas talk

It was a ballsy statement and Bette knew it! She wanted to use shock treatment to get Tina to think about their future and make her fight to save the relationship. It was obvious that she couldnt go back to Candace, at least not while things were still unresolved with Tina. Bette thought back to the night all ***** broke loose and how Candace somehow sided with Tina. It was a strange twist of events and at that moment Bette saw Candace as nothing more than a crush gone awry. The emotional connection was nebulous at best, while the physical was as clear as water, but it wasnt enough. She wanted what she wanted and that was to get Tina back home.

Bette contemplated calling Tina as she drove north on the Interstate with no real destination in mind. After driving for about twenty miles, she pulled off and drove to a nearby ranch where she parked and watched the horses running free. She thought about how much she wished for such liberation. She wished she could to be strong and secure, yet open and vulnerable too, but for her it was one or the other and she seemed to not favor the latter as an option. It was something long instilled in her by her father, and ironically the one person who could succeed in making her open and vulnerable. Her mind raced as she thought back to the times where she became so over indulged in everything that meant competition, power, money, and success that she forgot to live. It was that forgetting that caused her and Tina many fights, loveless nights, and her taking things for granted. It was established that Tina had moments of panic and anxiety, but at least she owned up to it and allowed herself to feel and experience things without hiding behind a mask. Bette wished she could go back and undo the damage shed done to herself, the relationship, and to Tina. She realized that no amount of money, success, or power could give her the joy and pleasure she was now missing without Tina. Was having it all worth having if there was no one to share it with? The lamentations got the best of her and Bette began to weep. She allowed her tears to flow freely from her eyes in the same fashion as the horses running near her. She had to open up and stop internalizing her fears, insecurities, and allow herself to be human. Even Superman had a weakness, she thought.

Time passed, and Bette finally gathered herself and contemplated her next move. It would be so easy to pack up and run, to move on, and far away from LA, but it wouldnt erase the pain. She knew that if the tables were turned, she wouldnt be so forgiving and certainly would not make it easy for Tina to come back. Bette was always up for a fight, but this one was too personal and too emotional for her to exact the will for this one. She wanted it all to just go away and it just be a bad dream. Unfortunately it wasnt that easy and she as much as she was playing on Tinas weaknesses, she knew that Tina could muster the strength to stay away as shed mustered the strength to slap Bette that night. Oh God! Bette wailed in her mind. I just want to get my life right, she struggled.

Bette continued to watch the horses and one trotted over to her, stopping within inches of her face. It stared long and hard at her as if to read her thoughts. Hey there beautiful, Bette smiled, as she extended her palm. Arent you the lucky one? Allowed to run free, to be you, and to live without pressure, she continued her one sided dialogue. The horse licked at her palm and cocked its head as if listening. Wanna trade? Bette asked with a chuckle. Im sure your life is much better than mine. I envy you and your liberation. The horse leaned its head into Bettes hand as she stroked its soft mane. It responded to her warmly and Bette climbed up and straddled the fence to maintain her closeness to it, but the horse backed away slightly before nudging its head at Bette as if to push her away. Whats the matter huh? Am I invading your space? She asked, a little sadly. The horse shook its head making Bette think it understood what she was saying. You think I should go home? Bette asked and waited. The horse fixed its stare and nodded and nayed. Well, I guess thats what Ill do then, Bette responded, and with one final touch, she walked away from the fence and back to her car. The horse seemed to smile as it moved its head upward as if to push her forward.

Bette got back in her car and headed back down the interstate thankful for her temporary break from the real world. She put the top down and allowed the wind race through her hair as her mind matched her speed in wanting to get back home. A quote shed heard a long time before serendipitously came to mind. If you want a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things Thats it! Bette thought. I know what I have to do.

Back in W. Hollywood

Tina contained her frustration and used the energy to journal her thoughts, make some calls, and do some yoga. Once complete, she changed her clothes, and prepared to do something that was so out of character for her that she began to sweat a little. She wiped her brow and gave herself a mental pep talk before leaving the bedroom. Alice was plugging away at her computer working on a hot story for the magazine.

Im going out for a little while, but can we meet for lunch later? Tina asked, as she kissed Alices cheek.
Sure hun, Alice sweetly replied. Any place in particular?

Not sure, Tina thought. How about I call you when Im done my errand?

K. See ya later! Alice smiled and resumed her typing.

Tina got in the cab that was waiting for her and wrung her hands nervously as she stared out the window. The driver tried to engage in chit-chat, but Tina was too tense to participate. She wondered if what she was doing was right, but it was too late to turn back now. Since the separation from Bette, Tina began to see how easily life could be disrupted and she didnt want to rely on anyone or anything for her own happiness and sanity. Shed even stopped taking Xanax and had been doing her yoga and meditation as a means of healing and dealing with her emotions and pain. Counseling was something that shed contemplated, but wanted to wait a little longer before making the commitment.

The cab pulled up at The Workshop and butterflies swarmed in Tinas stomach. She paid the driver, got out, and froze where she stood for a moment wondering what possessed her to make such a bold move.

Come on, you can do it, Tina chided herself, as she walked to the side door. Hello? She called out and waited.
A tall, athletically built woman who bore a striking resemblance to Gabriella Reese greeted her.

Can I help you?

Uhm, yeah, Tina stuttered. Im looking for Candace, Tina said confidently in spite of her nerves.

Sure, shes in the back. Lemme get her, the woman smiled and walked away.

Tina looked around at the stacks of wood and other carpentry tools. The Workshop was a carefully arranged building that housed more equipment than Tina had ever seen. Women could be seen in the distance working on various crafts. The sound of saws, dremels, and other woodworking tools created an ambient sound that seemed to soothe and calm Tinas ragged nerves.

Bre says youre looking for me? Candace inquired, speaking to the back of Tinas head. Tina turned around at the sound of Candaces voice and almost lost the calmness she was feeling. Candace was stunned when she saw it was Tina and took a step back. Tina? Candace was clearly surprised. What are you doing here?

Tina paused before responding. She knew it was impolite of her to show up unannounced and even worse to confront her at her place of business, but she had to do what she had to do.

Hello Candace, Tina said politely. I apologize for being here, but I needed to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes? Tina said softly.
Candace was taken with Tinas quiet, yet loud presence. How can she be such a walking contradiction? Candace thought. She nodded and motioned for Tina to follow her.

As you can tell by the expression on my face, Im very surprised to see you here. Does Bette know about this? Candace forthrightly asked.

No, this has nothing to do with her per se. This is about me, Tina replied, as she took a seat in Candaces office.