Alright ladies listen up. Since this is a team charity event, all 5 participants from each team will be involved in the final event.

Both teams sat in the waiting area of the arena listening intently to the producer explain the layout and changes to the final event for the evening. The family stared across at their opponents, trying to intimidate them by making faces and every so often mouthing the words Youre going down!

Now listen up ladies. Since both teams are tied we have decided to do away with the normal point system used in the eliminator and let both teams duke it out for all the marbles fare and square.
What happened to the head start?
Well you need to be 2 points ahead to earn a 1 second head start, and since both teams are dead even, no one has the advantage. Now listen to the break down of events and keep them in mind as I explain the rest of the event to you. Since there are five of you on each team, this will be the break down: 1 person will do the treadmill and hand bike, 1 for the spinning cylinders, 1 for the cargo net, 1 for the zip line, and 1 for the final stretch.

All the women looked a bit puzzled as they sat there and listened to the rest of the details. The eliminator is the final event of the show, the one for all the marbles, the one for the top prize, the whole enchilada. It consists of a variety of physical challenges that test not only the competitors strength, but determination and will to win as well. Once the contenders are ready at the starting line, they will take off running up a 45-degree ramp with a treadmill under them moving in the opposite direction. Once on top of the ramp the mount a stand and grip the handles of a hand bike, were they pedal themselves across the track with out falling. Once to the other side of the hand bike track, they must run across spinning cylinders with out falling. There are three separate cylinders lined up and will test the competitors balance as it is a spinning log type of challenge. On the other end of the cylinders is another platform base, where lies a huge cargo net that stretches 45 feet in the air, up to another platform. When the competitor has made it to the top, they will run to a zip line and must use the line to descend to the floor. The zip line stretches of the way across the arena, and the competitor must hang n and make it down the line without falling. Once the contender has safely fallen to the mat, they must climb up and over a 10-foot wall, either by using the rope that hangs from its edge, or by jumping and climbing over. After the wall, comes the final stretch of the event (which in the case of this charity event has been lengthened to add excitement), a 50-yard dash to a set of four doors that the competitors must break through in order to cross the finish line. Of the four doors, two will have gladiators waiting on the other side to hold up the contender until the said contender can get past the gladiator.

After a long and exhausting talk to the women about the event, the break down, rules and guidelines, and safety tips, the women were beginning to disperse to their respective team areas.

Oh hold on ladies. I forgot to mention 2 things. First, since this will be a relay format, each of you will wear a vest of Velcro and instead of tagging each other you will slap a colored flag onto your teammate indicating that it is there turn. Secondly, during the hand bike and spinning cylinder portions of the race, should you fall there will be a 3 second penalty assessed toward your team. Gladiators stationed at the bottom of the pits will enforce the penalty before letting you get back in the race. Understood?

Oh geezas if you didnt make this thing hard enough as it is. Give me a break! You already modified the event specifically for this showI mean events are different, runs are longerwhat else!
Shhhhhthats enough Yolanda. You want them to make it harder?

Hearing the commotion, Tina veered toward the opposing team.

Whatsa matter CandyAss.yah chicken?
***** noyou better bring it wonder bread.
Hmmmmmhow about a little side bet.
(licking her lips and staring at Bette) Oh yes, how about a little side Bette.
***** you want me to smack the black outta you so that you look as wonder bread as I do? Im gonna pound you into the floor!


Bette ran over and grabbed Tina from behind, turning her away.

Hey Bette. Keep your little ***** under control will yah!
What was that? Im sorry Yolanda I didnt hear you because I dont understand *****.
***** you Bette.
Nah wouldnt even give you the time of day.
So whos the chicken now Kennard? Yah gonna let grandma over there keep you from putting your money where your mouth is or what?
Grandma?! Grandma?! ***** no. So you wanna place a wager huh? Well then bring it! I aint no Granny and I certainly aint scared.
Thats right. And Ive already proven tonight that I can take your ***** to the floor! So just what should we bet?
Alright yah two wimps, how about the losers will have to dish out 500 bucks toward the opponents cause?
500? Thats it? Make it a thousand and youre on!
Deal! Your going down!

With that both sets of women walked away and toward the rest of there team.

A thousand babe? Dont you think thats a little steep?
***** no! Nobody, but nobody calls me grandma!
Yeah Bette, but I am a little banged up from my powerball experience.
Well SUCK IT UP! We need to beat their asses!
Well all right grandma its on! Lets take those two ***** asses down! Now can I get a kiss from granny for good luck?
Oooooh T, you are soooooo lucky that I love you.yah know that?!
Yeah I know. Now come here and kiss me Porter!

Back in their team, Bette, Tina and the rest of the gang were discussing who should do which part of the race. After much discussion, and hilarity on the part of Alice, they came to a decision. Since Dana, Tina and Bette were the more athletic of the group, they would take on the more challenging aspects of the race while Alice and Shane would do the spinning cylinders and zip line, respectively.

Alice started hoopin and hollerin, running around bustin out old dance moves to the music. Every once in a while she would stop in between moves and jab the air in her ever persistent Rocky imitation. The gang was laughing their assess off as they watched this grown woman bustin out in moves like the running man, cabbage patch, robot and many more from her time.

Soon it was time to get ready for the final showdown. Alice was again being the cheer leader of the group.talking ***** about the other team and the gladiators while trying to pump everyone up. At the stage managers call, they were told to start heading toward their stations in preparation for the start of the eliminator.

Okay everyone, hands in! We are gonna kick some ***** tonight!
***** yeah we are! No holding back ladies!
Nope no holding back!
Alright ready?
READY!
We are the greatest.hear us ROAR!
ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!

They broke the huddle laughing their assess off and giving each other high fives before heading off to their positions. Yeah this was all in fun, but it was still a competition, and none of them liked to lose. They all knew it was time to show the world and the other team what they were made of, so with their game faces in placeit was GO time!

Each of the five women, sized up their competition and began the seemingly long walk to their spots, staring hard at the other women, never letting up on their gaze, or their intensity. Alice, Dana, and Shane had drawn opponents that were unknown to them by name.all they knew was that they were the enemy. Then it hit Alice,

Oh *****. If Dana, Shane and I are up against these women, that means..

She turned to look for Bette and Tina and sure enough, they were pitted against none other than Candace and Yolanda.

Holy crapits not just a game anymore.this is gonna be World War III!

Tina made her way toward the cargo net, when she caught a glimpse of her rivalit was Yolanda.

Awwww *****, Yolanda. ***** going down!

Bette had just reached her respective position and had turned to survey the layout of her part of the race when who should she see? None other than Candace who was licking her lips and rubbing her hands together as she made her way toward Bette.

*****! Sistah going down! Heheheshell be eating my dust!

Each one of the gang, readied themselves for a royal rumble of sorts, each of them could feel the adrenaline coursing through t heir bodies as the steeled their gazes at their competitors. Then they heard itthey heard the call to get ready for battle.

CONTENDERS READY! GLADIATORS READY! GO!

At the sound of the buzzer Dana was off like a shot. She took of charging at the ramp, leaving her competitor stunned at the line. She began chugging up the ramp, her progress hindered by the treadmill. She was almost at the top when she tripped and stumbled,

*****!

She watched in horror as she slid back down the ramp as the other woman continued on. Finding herself back on solid ground she took a deep breath and charged hard again, this time making it to the top of the ramp as she ran past the competition, who was still running in place at the very top of the treadmill.

Hahahanothing gonna keep Dana Fairbanks downeat my dust.
Ooooooh, just wait till I get up there!

Scampering over to the raised stand, and latched on to the handles of the hand bike before looking down at the two very large, very tall gladiators roaming around in the pit.

I will not fall, I will not fall.

She took a deep breath again, jumped up into the air and began cranking her arms around furiously, trying to get across the track. Her arms were beginning to burn, and getting her body to crank the pedals was becoming quite the task. Dana began making funny noises as she neared the other platform. Grunts, groans and encouraging words to herself could be heard coming from Danas mouth, as the gladiators below and the crowd around were cheering her as well as her competitor on.

Reaching the platform safely, Dana exhaled loudly, ripped the flag from her vest and slapped Alice hard, making sure that the flag stuck on to her friend. As Alice took off, Dana placed her hands on her knees, bent down and did her best to catch her breath so that she could cheer Alice on.

Taking the reins of the race, Alice looked over at her competition, then at the large cylinders she had to run across, and back at the other woman. I am Alice. I am the greatest. I can do this She said her mantra in her head as she took off running full steam ahead toward the large cylinders.

Holy *****!

She did her best to keep her balance as she ran across the padded spinners, but found it quite difficult since she was not as athletic as she claimed to be. She made it safely past the first spinner, and barely made it past the second. She was already off balance as she attacked the third and final cylinder. Feeling like she was running in place Alice looked like a cartoon character as she mustered everything she had to try and make it across.

Try as she might, this time Alice did not succeed. Alices legs went flying out from under her as she flipped up in the air, did a somersault of sorts and landed with a thud at the bottom of the padded pit below. A gladiator below helped pick Alice up and she started to head for the ladder leading out of the pit before getting stopped in her tracks by the huge bulging pecs of one of the male gladiators. The gladiator lifted his hand in front of her face and shook his finger from side to side.

No, no. no. Penalty for you missy.

Just then Alice saw her competitor finishing up her mad dash across the spinners and make a flying leap on to the mat of the platform. She didnt quite make it and her legs dangled over the edge. The woman was desperately trying to pull herself up.

Awwww come on. I need to get up there!

Just then a buzzer sounded, indicating that three seconds had lapsed and Alice made a mad dash for the ladder. As she began to climb up, her rival finally pulled herself completely up and out of the pit. When Alice reached the top, she watched in horror as the other woman ripped off her flag and smacked it onto Yolanda. The penalty had cost the family the lead, but it was still too close to call.

Alice screamed as she ripped the flag off of her vest and slapped it hard on to Tina,

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tina needed to encouragement to get her butt moving. She was determined not to let Yolanda top her, especially after that little stunt she pulled against Bette. The climbing of the cargo net was beginning to prove itself more difficult than it seemed. Since the net wasnt pulled taut, the weight and motions of both women clawing their way towards the top made the net heave and ho, swaying both women to and fro. Tina knew that physically she was the better suited of the two women, but being behind, she decided that it was time to deploy the ***** talking tactic to try and distract Yolanda.

Here I come *****! Better get movin or Im gonna blow right by you!
Shut up!
Uh oh, are we having a hard time Yolanda? Look whos the grandma now.cant even climb a rinky dink cargo net.

Yolanda was beginning to see red from all of Tinas taunts and provocations, Tinas tactic was working. Yeah it was working all right, maybe a bit too well as Yolanda lurched toward Tina as she tried to reach out and slap her. Yolandas motions caused her to lose her balance and her legs slipped through the holes of the cargo net. Completely caught off guard, the hand that was clinging to the net slipped and Yolanda was now swaying and dangling from the cargo net, her hair hanging down, making her look like a treasure troll.

Yes Yolanda had slipped, but she had not fallen off, and as she struggled to pull herself back up and continue her climb, her movements sent shock waves across the netting, causing Tina to lose her grip. One of Tinas hands came lose, and being off balance she swung outward like an open door. Gripping even tighter to the net, Tina willed herself not to slip and fall. She was gonna take this ***** down and she was gonna do it now.

Why you mutha

Tina regained her sense of balance and composure and made it the final few feet up to the platform. Yolanda was still struggling against the cargo net, and the slim lead that was once lost was now regained.

As Yolanda, inched her way up the Tina ripped off the flag and was about to place it onto Shanes Velcro vest, when Shane in all her excitement reached out and tried to grab the flag from Tina. Their hands collided, sending the flag flying up into the air.

Oh *****!
Oh *****!
Yeah *****! Here WE come!!!

Tina bolted for the flag just as Yolanda pulled herself up to the platform. Both Yolanda and Tina slapped their partners with the flag, the teams were now dead even.

Shane and her rival made a frantic dash toward the zip line. Grabbing the handles of the slider, both women were still neck and neck. Seeing as how both women were about the same height and weight, the hope to gain any ground on this slide was quickly dashed, the best that could happen would be a good landing and smooth transition of the other end of the line.

Shane gripped the handles of the bar. In her head she was praying and repeating a mantra of her own, though it was not quite the one Alice used. Dont let me fall, dont let me fall, dont let me fall.

Deciding that it was do or die time Shane decided to go for it. She tried to build up momentum by running for a few steps to the platform edge before going for it and leaping off the perch.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh *****!

Shanes opponent practically mirrored her every moved, it was as if the two women had conferred and were now doing some sort of synchronized zip lining. The whole way down the line, it wasnt taunts and provoking exchanges that were heard, it was instead an onslaught of words not to be used by the children in the audience.

Fuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkk!
Shhhhhhiiiiiiiitttttttttttt!
Im gonna fricken diiiieeeeee!
Awwwwww fuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk this *****!

By some miracle, both women made it all the way across the zip line to the safe zone where the competitors are supposed to let go and land on a mat before proceeding on. However, Shane and her rival were so scared that they forgot to let go and instead were rudely dispatched when their respective handle bars came in contact with the stopper on the line. The speed that they had built up during the slide, and the force of their impact sent both women hurling into the air, asses over heads, causing them to land with loud thuds on the edge of the landing mat. Both women were on the lighter side and they each bounced several times before going over the edge and on to the floor, finally causing them to stop.

A little disoriented, Shane shook her head before standing up and trying to make her way over to Bette. Both Shane and the other contender were dizzy and a but shaken up, and to anyone watching they looked like a couple of drunks trying to get home.

Still neck and neck, both women ripped off their flags and practically body slammed both Bette and Candace, knocking their teammates back a few steps. Candace had been taunting Bette with wise crack remarks about the relationship encounter that they had had. She was doing her best to get under Bettes skin. The tactic seemed to be working as Bette had shot back a few times during the course of the race.

Bette was determined not to lose this race for her team or a thousand dollars to the two ***** on the opposing side.

Regaining her balance first, Bette started toward the wall calling out to Candace as she left,

Come on ***** I thought you were gonna bring it! See yah later sucka!
Im coming *****. Oh Im comingyour ***** is mine!

Bette reached out for the rope and began to pull herself up and over the wall. being a carpenter, Candace had more upper body strength than Bette and started inching away. Not wanting to let that happen, Bette dug deep inside of her and found a pot of adrenaline that had been sitting there all day.

Candace was still pulling herself up the rope when Bette used a burst of energy to leap to the top of the wall and hop over like military soldiers are trained to do. Bette and Candace now landed on the opposite side of the floor neck and neck. Only a 50 yard dash, and a bad choice of doors separated one of them from victory.

Both women took off running, full speed ahead, the crowds cheers seemed to disappear as both got into their zone. Everything seemed to be passing by in slow motion as they mad the dash down the straight away toward the 4 doors.

***** I gotta get this right! That ***** ***** aint gonna win!

Candace was keeping up with Bette and they both reached the half way mark at the same time. Making their choices of doors, they both seemed to hit the nitro button as they sped up and headed toward the finish full steam ahead. As they reached the doors, Candace had gained a step in Bette and punched through the door that she had chosen.

Bette prayed that Candace had chosen wrong, or this race was overthen she heard it. A loud thud, quickly followed by a cry of pain and surprise from Candaces lips. Since she was running at full speed, Candace slammed in to the pad held by the huge gladiator and was knocked off her feet and thrown back a few feet, onto her ***** as she watched better in horror.

Fuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkk! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bette watched as her rival lay sprawled on the floor, victim to a bad choice. She continued on, punching through the door, letting out what sounded like a loud war cry as she silently plead to the gladiator gods.Please let me be right!.

Busting through the door like a bat outta ***** Bette found herself off balance and lunging at the finish line. She had made the right choice and had avoided being stopped by a gladiator. She fell to the floor as the music the sound of the arena began to once a gain fill her ears. Everyone was cheering because it was such a dramatic finish. She heard foot steps running toward her and heard the gang cheering as confetti and streamers fell from the ceiling and the song We Are The Champions was cued up over the speakers.

With the help of her friends she got to her feet and joined in the victory celebration. She cheered as the family raised her up over their shoulders, lifting her arms in victory. Gladiators had made their way over to congratulate the team, and had coaxed them into putting Bette down so that they could each be hoisted up on to the shoulders of a gladiator.

They all cheered with the crowd, singing along to the song and raising their hands in the air. As the gladiators paraded around with the winners, Bette and Tina turned back to look at Candace and Yolanda.

Candace still sat on the floor, shoulders again slumped in defeat, only this time Yolanda was next to her and the look on her face was priceless. For the gang it was time to walk away as victors and begin the celebration togetheras a family and as a team.

Alice looked around at her friends and yelled what everyone was thinking,

TIME TO PARTAY! LETS GO!