Bette?

Bette slowly lifted her head from hands and looked up so her eyes would meet Alices. It broke Alices heart to see Bette like that – seated on the sidewalk near her wifes car – disheveled and alone. In all her years as Bettes friend and even in their six months as lovers Alice had never seen Bette look so immortal, so human.

Bettes eyes momentarily met Alices before she quickly turned away, ashamed of what shed done, of what she had become. She could barely get a word out, and when she did it was only a hoarse whisper.

Sorry.

She lifted herself off the sidewalk and looked up to Alices apartment window.

Is she inside?

Alice knew what was coming. She knew she had to stop it. What she didnt know was how.

Yeah Bette, shes inside but I dont think

Bette paid no heed to what Alice thought. Instead, she pushed passed Alice and walked towards the entrance leaving Alice standing behind. Alice was aware of how Tina felt about Bette at the moment and that things would only turn ugly again if Bette faced her now.

Bette, dont.

Bette kept walking.

Bette. Please stop. You need to listen to me.

She didnt stop. Her hand now on the handle of the entrance door and she was determined to see Tina.

***** Bette! Why the ***** wont you listen?! Youre only going to make things worse if you go in there. Just Stop will you? BETTE!

She screamed Bettes name, trying to grab her attention. But the minute she did, and Bette turned around to face her, tears streaming down her cheeks, Alices tone softened.

She doesnt want to see you Bette. Shes not ready. You cant fix this by seeing her now. Its not going to be that easy. I dont know if youll ever be able to fix it. You hurt her Bette. You did the unthinkable. Now youre going to have to let her go. You owe her that much.

I cant.

Alice took a few steps towards Bette. You have to give her some time. At least call before showing up.

I need her, Alice

Bettes was distraught and her face distorted by the tears that were flowing like a river. Alice stepped closer to Bette and held her hand.

I know, Bette.

I have to talk to her. I need her to know how much I love her. How I would never intentionally hurt her.

Alice shook her head and let go off Bettes hand.

Then whyd you do it?

Bette looked down at her feet, feeling more humiliated by what she had done. She couldnt answer Alices question because she didnt know the answer.

I dont know.

Alice was at astounded by the honesty in Bettes answer. Bette always had complete control of her life. For Bette Porter to admit not knowing why she did something was beyond belief.

Bette, let me take you home. You need to think about things before you face Tina. You need to know what youre going to say. You need to be prepared for the worst.

No Alice. I need to talk to her.

Bette, please.

No, I have to fix this.

Alice was beginning to grow impatient with Bettes stubbornness.

Jesus Bette. Listen. You cannot go up there because shes not ready and quite frankly, neither are you. You need to think about what youve done. An apology is not going to fix this.

Bette stared at Alice. The tears had stopped and there was a certain rage in her eyes. She was going to talk to Tina even if it killed her.
You think I dont know that Alice? You think I dont know how royally I screwed up? How I lost the best thing in my life for a *****. I know what Ive done okay. I know Ive probably lost Tina forever, but Im not going to sit around and pray the phone rings so I can try and sort this out. I have to talk to her and I will, whether you want me to or not.

Her tone softened.

I love her Alice. I need her in my life. I feel like Im walking around with a piece torn out of my heart. I cannot loose her. I just cant. I wont be able to go on. I dont want to go on without her.

Alices eyes welled with tears now. She had never seen Bette so vulnerable, so exposed.

Bette, just go home for now. Call her first. Right now I dont think a confrontation would help either

Alice was interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She pulled it out and looked at the caller I.D. before picking up.

Hello.

She looked at Bette before turning around and walking in the other direction.

Aha. Yeah. Are you sure? No its just that Yeah. Okay Ill tell her. Bye.

Alice took a deep breath before turning around and walking back to Bette.

***

Tina hung up. She knew what she had done. She knew she wasnt ready but then again, she knew she never would be.

The sooner this is done with, the sooner I can move on.

She walked back out on to the balcony and looked down. Bette and Alice were no longer standing outside. Alice was driving away and Bette was walking upstairs.