Hey T, whats going on? Bette asked as she pulled the door open and Tina stepped in quietly. I just need to talk to you about something really quick. Is this a bad time, cause it looks like you were sleeping? The blonde laughed slightly as she touched Bettes cheek where there were red sleep lines. Bette pulled back from the touch and watched as Tinas forehead creased and she looked at her confused. Well it is kinda late T, it doesnt matter though, youre here so lets talk. She pulled Tinas hand and moved towards the stairs. The two of them quietly tip-toed to Bettes room, Tina took a seat on Bettes bed and couldnt help thinking what it would be like to share it with her friend, to do more than just their normal slumber party activities. Forgetting herself for a moment she let her mind wonder off, and then was snapped back by the reality of what she was just thinking. Bette turned around just in tie to see Tinas cheeks turn a rosy pink and it made her smile. Thinking about someone special? She asked with a slight mocking tone. Tina was pulled back down to earth by the sound of Bette smooth voice Maybe. She replied with a straight face and then she sighed and lay back against the soft sheets. Bad Idea she thought, the sheets smelled like Bette, but still she didnt move. Bette watched the different emotions flicker over her friends face became worried. Tina, are you alright? Bette asked as she sat above Tinas head resting her back against the headboard. Sighing Tina rolled over onto her stomach and looked at Bette for a moment before responding by shaking her head. I dont think so, she took time to think of how to approach the topic with Bette but decided just to dive right in, Bette, how did you know you were in love with your first girlfriend? Bette was taken aback by the abruptness of the question, but seeing the need for answers in Tinas eyes she decided not to question it just yet. Well, I dont know exactlyI guess it was hard to tell at first because I thought we were just friends ya know? And then she started to be all that I thought about in the morning when I got up, all I thought about before I slept. She was in my dreams, sleeping or awake. She made me happy and content, even if all she was doing was standing next to meI felt safe. After a while though I started to not feel it anymore, it slipped into a comfort thing and it felt like we were more friends than anything else As Bette finished she realized Tina was staring intently and became uncomfortable and she desperately wanted to change the topic of conversation. Why? Is this about Kevin? You think you love him? T, hes not good for you I dont know how many times I have to keep telling you. With all the ***** you already have to deal with you dont need him to add to it, you need someone who will want to know the real you and love you for who you arenot how much you can get them off Bette barely took a breath and Tina had to sit up and put her hands on either side of Bettes face to keep her from continuing. Bette, breathe, its not Kevinwere done, he hasnt even called me in a while. Bette was confused. Then what was? Theres someone else?! Bette was half excited and half saddened by the prospect. Tina grinned a bit and Bette saw. Tina! she said in a hushed tone. Tell me! You giant ho! she said playfully, earning a smack and one of Tinas cute little blushes. Uhm, well I dont know exactly, its weird cause Ive known them for a few years and we know each other pretty well. Im just not sure if Im in love with them, or if its just like a little crush and nothing more. Bette nodded. Well tell me about them, maybe I can help you figure it out. Tina just smiled They make me feel Just the simple act of saying this put a light in Tinas eyes that made her realize this was real. I cant even tell you, just with everything thats going on getting up in the morning kills me. But I know that if I see that person Im so giddy for the rest of the day. I cant think about them before I go to sleep because if I do I know I wont be able to. Thats it I guessshe makes me feel. Looking over at Bette she hadnt thought about what she just let slip from her lips. Bette however, did. She?! Her mind was screaming and she felt her heart drop. Tinas in love with a girl, a girl whos not me. Oh god this sucks, this ***** sucks so bad. Trying to play the good friend she gave a wary grin. Wow Tina.a she? Tinas eyes shot open wider as she realized what was said. IIwellGod Bette Im so confused! she said angrily standing up. Im not *****! I dont know what the ***** id wrong with me. I cant be ***** right? I like guys, and Im not attracted to girlsat least I dont think I am. I havent really paid much attention to it Bette watched her pace back and forth throwing her hands in the air and rambling up a storm. T, its ok if you are, its not like its wrong or anything she tried to soothe her friend. But it is! Tina exclaimed and Bette mouth dropped open. Its against nature and people dont understand and dont accept it, so it has to be wrong! Is that what you really think Tina? Thats what you think of me? Am I disgusting and immoral to you? How can you even stand to be around me and all my *****-ness? Bettes heart was breaking and she swore you could hear it in the now silence of the large bedroom. Tina had stopped pacing and was staring at Bette, the weight of what had just went on settled firmly onto her shoulders and she wanted to take it all back, make the rivets of tears cascading down that beautiful face disappear. Bette I didnt she tried. Save it Tina. Just leaveI dont even want to look at you right now. But I wasnt she tried again. Tina! I told you to leave. Bette choked out the words through her tears. Tina turned dejectedly to the door. God I screwed that up. She couldnt help the fact that she freaked out. Being there with Bette made the reality of being in love with her best friend, who happened to be a girl, come crashing through the walls of her own perfect self image. The fact that she could be a *****, or bisexual, would put a other category into her life. She didnt want to be the other, and thus, she wigged. She didnt mean to hurt Bette and she wasnt talking about lesbians, she was talking about herself, she craved acceptance and to not be accepted would break Tina. But she didnt want to loose Bette, that would be worse than dying in her eyes. Before she walked through the door she closed her eyes tightly together and gripped the handle so hard it felt like it may break off, she gathered all the courage she could find in her small 55 body and in a light whisper she said, I didnt mean to hurt you Bette Bette tried to interrupt her again but she persisted. But thats not what I think of you. To tell you exactly what I think she inhaled a big breath, I think the world of you, and I think that you could be my everything. But Im just not ready. And with that she yanked the door open and ran down the steps and out the door towards her house, she couldnt help the tears. She could possibly just have ruined one of the only good things in her life. Bette was dumbfounded. She sat on the edge of the bed salty tears falling on hands clasped in her lap. She had heard Tinas whispered declaration and now she was more confused than ever. It was me? Tina was talking about me The thought alone seemed alien, like it was completely impossible for someone that perfect to be in love with her, she wanted to go after her, tell her she felt the same and then kiss her like she had always dreamed, but the things Tina had said about being *****, and the fact that she said she wasnt ready held her back. Bette was wondering if Tina would ever be ready with those conflicting thoughts milling inside her blonde head. She laid back on the bed, softly letting the remainder of the tears fall, before she fell asleep she decided that she would go see Tina in the morning considering she didnt have to work and she was sure neither did Tina. Not thinking Tina ran through her front door letting it slam as she took the stairs two at a time and burst through her bedroom door. Just as she was shutting her door Colin opened his, she waved to him to get him to come to her room and as soon as he saw this he ran in and hopped on her bed. Where were you sissy? I went to see Bette, you remember her right? He nodded. Shes funny, I liked her, why doesnt she come here anymore? I dont want her to be around momma, its embarrassing. He nodded again understanding. Tina got into bed and under the covers while Colin followed. Can I sleep in here with you Chrissy? Of course little man. She said this and he snuggled up next her. Out of reflex she put her arm around him and gave a little squeeze but this time she saw Colin flinch and she knew. Col, what did she do? She asked sitting up NothingIts okay sissy dont get mad, it doesnt hurt bad no more. He said trying to cover for his mother. Tina shook her head and lifted up the back of her little brothers pajamas. She saw the harsh red marks that were quickly becoming bruises and she was sick of it all, again and again the same things just happened. She pulled them back into the bed and let Colin snuggle back up next to her. Tina couldnt take it, she clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could, she kept telling herself crying wasnt going to solve anything and all she wanted to do was call Bette and tell her what happened. Grasping that she couldnt do this made her world cave in. She had nothing except the little kid lying next to her clinging for dear life in his sleep. And for another night, just like many of the other nights in her 18 years, she cried herself to sleep.