She pulled out a king size rizla and laid it on the table. A collection of smoking paraphernalia sat next to it, waiting to be put into use. She opened a clear baggie and breathed in the scent of the intoxicating drug, her mind buzzed with the sudden onslaught of anticipation. The quick and intricate task of rolling began to run its course between her skilled fingers.

Life had now reached the point of having to use drugs as a ways and means of escapism. She knew it was not the answer and knew that it would not help the problem of her ever impending journey into spinster hood. But it was a small consolation when your closest friends were coupling off with their life partners. And when the only thing that filled the day was writing rather pointless and unfair promises for desperate woman to read, about the myth which was the forty-five minute *****, she felt she deserved a little luxury to ease the pain of such a futile excuse for a life.

Alice smoothed the rizla lovingly over her compacted recipe of tobacco and weed, now formed in a perfectly constructed cone and ready to be smoked. She pulled over an ash tray and a lighter, positioned the spliff in her mouth and lit it. The smoke billowed out of the end, clouding Alices senses momentarily. Inhaling the first toke she felt the jolt of the drug hit her lungs and then float its way up to infest her mind.

Alices attention returned to the computer screen in front of her. She was scowling at the chart of every *****’s known sexual activities in LA, which she had posted on the internet. Little lightening flashes sparked up around the chart, linking previously unknown people in one of the most intimate and explicit of human acts.

She closed the window, realising with a hint of depression that these women were sitting in front of a computer after just having, probably the best ***** of their lives. Unlike Alice, who was sitting in front of the computer, getting stoned to try and forget the fact that she was not experiencing the best ***** of her life.

She took another toke, hearing the fizz from the paper as it burned. Merging the contents into a thick cloud of euphoria inducing white smoke. She certainly felt that one. Her mind began to calm down dramatically and her eyes focused on a non existent spot which she could look at, but wasnt in fact seeing it.

Her mind wandered aimlessly around the issues which had driven her to partake in such an illegal and useless activity. Now her brain logged and sorted through these problems logically and with no inner voices of reality to complicate them.

The first, and least popular on the list was Lisa. Loveable, kind hearted and thoughtful Lisa. On meeting the ***** identified man, Alice had, unknown to her, met someone who was more complicated than herself. Something which she had initially thought was impossible. So that short and useful, however slightly draining relationship had helped Alice realise two things. She either wanted a straight man or she wanted a ***** woman. Any other sexual shades of grey were a big no no at the moment, of course every case would be considered individually. Alice wasnt about to put all attractive ***** and straight people into two boxes and say get lost to any other inclination.

Now all she had to do was figure out which she preferred, it had always been the simpler option to fit herself into the bi category, maybe it was time to make a choice. She couldnt do this on her own, she needed help from someone who knew ***** like the back of their hand. Taking another toke she pondered this. Her first choice would have been Shane, but the lady killer was currently out on a date with Tabitha Too-Good-to-be-True Green. And from the sound of Shanes voice earlier she needed every ounce of available concentration for Tabitha tonight. Alice had seen Shane become infatuated with women before, but this time it was different. She had almost sounded cute when explaining the hair cut which she had given Tabitha earlier.

Hello?

Al, its Shane, you will never guess what just happened to me.

Alice wasnt quite sure but for a second there she thought she heard excitement in Shanes voice.

You broke up with a ***** identified man and had to listen to a five minute answering machine message which mainly consisted of crying and sniffing?

Shane sighed on the other end. Alice pictured her shaking her head and smiling slightly, probably twisting a protruding piece of hair between her fingers.

No Al, thats what happened to you today.

Oh right yeah, my bad. Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Well TabbyTabitha called me today and booked a hair appointment.

Alice smiled, happy that Shane had finally fallen for someone who wasnt married or had a criminal record.

Whens she getting the snip then?

It was today, I mean I cut her hair like an hour ago.

Shane, how do you do it? I swear you put something in that shampoo, or spray them with a ***** spray because every female you end up styling just falls into your arms. Its like you use work as a dating service, wow, thats such a good idea Alice trailed off contemplating the epiphany whish she had just encountered.

Shane just laughed on the other end.

Anyway Al, she asked me out and were going to Milk tonight. I called Dana but got her machine and neither Bette nor Tina are answering their phones, so we all know what theyre doing.

Alice scrunched her nose as if a bad smell had just wafted beneath it.

God, it must be a full moon or something because I cant even remember the last time Bette and Tina were soso..

Horny?

Yeah, we should really get them out, just in case theyre hiding some incredible juicy secret.

You mean a secret which is non of our business?

We are their friends, all of their secrets are our business.

Hey Al, something kind of weird happened when I was cutting Tabithas hair.

Alices ears perked up, weird definitely didnt mean normal and if it wasnt normal then it was interesting.and interesting meant gossip!

What do you mean weird, did she have a second head or something?

No Al, nothing like that she has amazing hair

Alice groaned, unsure what a soppy and romantic Shane would be like but sure she didnt want to find out.

Then what Shane?

I cant put my finger on it Al, its as if she scares me. But its not her that scares me, its the way I feel about her. Like my emotions are working against me and I cant even do simple things like flirt with her with out feeling all strange and light headed. And nervous, she makes me nervous! I mean whats up with that, I cant even remember the last time someone made me feel nervous.

Alice smiled, her chest filling with pride and joy.

Oh Shane, sounds to me like youve got it bad.

Got what bad?

The love bug.

Al, Im being serious here

So am I Shane, youve fallen for her, head over heels, madly and deeply, what ever you want to call it. What youre going through is what everyone goes through when they meet that certain someone.

Silence filled the line, Alice knew that Shane was probably freaking out in her non reactive way and incredibly cool way. But also knew deep down that her words rang true.

Ok Al, I have to go but his conversation is not over.

Good luck tonight Shane.

Yeah, later.

With that Shane hung up and left Alice feeling warm and fuzzy for about half an hour. Until that wore off and she was left feeling cold and lonely.

Stubbing out the filter, which was all that was left of the spliff, Alices mind meandered over the idea of calling Dana of course, bar Shane, the gayest woman she had ever met. But Dana was so immersed in her life with Lara that Alice probably wouldnt be able to get a word in edge ways about her problems. And there was also the drawback of Dana being the least experienced out of the whole group, so she might not inspire many words of wisdom.

Alice knew who she had to talk to, well the two people she had to talk to. Because there was no point just talking to one of them, they were practically the same person anyway. Bette and Tina. Bette for the experience and knowledge in her main area of expertise, women. And Tina for her compassionate, down to earth view on everything, which balanced out Bettes head strong brashness which occasionally came out, especially in debates.

Alice got up and grabbed the table to steady herself as a head rush flooded over her senses, momentarily blinding her.

***** drugs she whispered, her head clearing.

She grabbed her bag and phone and left the house, not even contemplating calling Bette and Tina first. At least now she would be able to find out exactly why they had been hiding themselves away for so long.