Ok so it was a bit awkward. Tinas mom had been going to AA meetings since Colin had died. She realized that the most important thing to her should be her children, even if she was a little late in doing so. But you know what they say, Better late thank never. However Tina didnt feel this was true and she was thoroughly confused about it. She should want her mom to be getting better right? Isnt it a good thing? It should be, but Tina wasnt feeling that it was. She was so used to dealing with her mother as less than human, as a drunk, someone who didnt care, that she couldnt bring herself to hold on to the fact that her mother was trying to become a better parent. She found herself being bitter and spiteful towards Jackie for no reason, when all that the older woman was trying to do was make up for her past actions. No matter how hard she tried though, Tina just kept feeling like the whole situation was fake. Rolling over onto her back, Tina laid there staring at her ceiling waiting for her alarm to go off. As soon the clock switched from 5:59 to 6:00, the bright red numbers flashing in the still darkened and stuffy room, she swung her feet over the edge of the bed and headed for the shower. Once done she put on her uniform and trudged down the creaky steps that she had grown so used to, but these days there was no one to wake up, so she took each step without paying attention to the noises and trying to stifle them. Her mom was up when she woke up nowadays and usually had breakfast ready, Tina would sit and eat, but they would barely have a conversation and that was mainly her fault. She could see her mother struggling, trying to make some sort of connection, but Tina didnt want it, it was so unfamiliar to her that it was very uncomfortable. Good morning Christina. Jackie said from her position in front of the stove. Jackie was a pretty good cook when she wasnt drunk. She sat a plate down in front of Tina and just like every morning for the past two weeks sat herself down in the seat directly across from her daughter. Morning Jackie. Tina said without thinking and then looking up she saw the sad look on her mothers face and clearing her throat she corrected herself, Sorry, mom. No no, its okay, you dont have to call me mom, lord knows I havent acted like one right? she said. Tina just nodded and kept eating while Jackie struggled in the silence. So uhm, what time are you done work? Maybe we can spend some time, but Tina didnt want to hear it. That feeling came back, like the woman was trying to hard to be something she would never achieve. Im done at 1, but Im going out. Maybe some other time. She said getting up and collecting her plate moving over to the dishwasher she proceeded to do the dishes until she was stopped. Dont worry about them, Ill do it. Fine. Tina said. I guess its just gonna take some time to stop acting like the mom, Im so used to not having one She said grabbing her keys and heading out the door, she didnt bother to turn around and see the tears Jackie was crying quietly or stop to hear if the woman would respond. ______________________________________ Tinas day had been like every other day at the coffee shop, boring. Ripping off her apron she walked to her car and opened the door settling herself in the seat and sighing. She pulled out her cell phone and looked at her missed calls. Bette called. She thought and found herlsef grinning like she hadnt all day. Hitting the call button she waited for her to pick up. RING RING RING Hello. You rang. Tina said with a smile in her voice. Who is this? Bette teased. Youre girlfriend smart *****. She said playfully. Bette smiled to herself as well, glad that Tina was slowly returning to her old self. Oh okwhich one? Bette!! Tina yelled as she stopped the car at a red light. T, you know Im kidding. Mhmm sure. So how many are there really? Knowing that Bette was joking, but not being able to stop the slight hint of jealousy in her voice. Babe you know its only you, I hope itll only ever be you. Goodlets keep it that way. So what are you doing? Dont you have work? No, I woke up this morning and decided Eh. ***** it, I want to spend the day with the most beautiful girl in creation. So I called out, and now Im hoping said girl feels like driving by to pick me up and take me out. Tina felt like her face was going to break with the force of the smile she had going now. She thought that she probably looked crazy to people who could see her while she was driving, smiling crazily at nothing. Well, when you get bored hanging out with yourself let me know, hopefully you wont be too disappointed settling to spending the day with the second most beautiful girl in creation Oh arent you funny T. Just get your ***** over here ASAP. Letting out a fake exasperated sigh Tina agreed, Fine fine, Ill be right there. She heard Bette laugh and started laughing with her. See ya soon babe. Kay, bye. Driving up a few minutes later blasting Tupacs California Love, Tina noticed that Melvin was still home. Melvin didnt like her like Victoria did, he thought that she was going to turn his baby girl into a heathen or something, not realizing that Bette was probably more wild then Tina ever is. So instead of knocking she honked her car horn a few times grinning to herself as she though about how pissed Melvin would probably get. As if on cue Bette tore out of the front door leaving a very agitated Melvin Porter in the doorway. Deciding to be extra bad today she honked again a few times, not turning down her music and screamed as loud as she could. Hey Mr. Porter!! Bette was now in the passengers seat and buckled in as Tina tore out of the driveway while Bette yelled, Bye Daddy!! Melvin watched the car speed down the street, shook his head, and slammed the door. Finally agreeing on something to do the girls got some ice cream and went to the park T you are so bad. You know how much he hates that, but yet you always do it. Bette said through her smile. Oh come one Bettehe hates me already. Anyway, why was he home? Kits supposedly coming by, to get some stuff from her old room. He just wants to make sure she never comes back. Bette said sadly taking a spoonful of her strawberry ice cream. Oh. Dont you want to be there though, you havent seen her in a few years right? Tina asked. No, if she doesnt care enough to call me, I dont want to see her. Bette answered, then casting a glance at the pensive look on Tinas face. Hows things with your mom? I dont knowbadI guess thats my fault. The girls stopped and Tina sat on a swing, Bette walked behind her and started pushing lightly. Why is it your fault? Shes tryingIt just doesnt feel right, Im so used to seeing her as a fumbling drunk, Its weird for me to believe shes getting help. And Im sure it doesnt help that Im so mean to her. Pumping her feet absentmindedly to keep the swing going. Youll get used to it T, its understandable that youre giving her a hard time. You dont want to let her in, just in case she slips up again, itll hurt too much to do that. But you need to try at least. I know it may not sound too appealing, but shes who you have left, you both need each other. Tina stopped the swing with her feet and Bette found herself standing with her hands out preparing to push. Dropping them to her sides she watched as Tinas face looked thoughtful, she though maybe she had gone too far in trying to give Tina advice. She couldnt look away from her though and as Tina got off the swing and walked the few short steps to her she couldnt help but think how badly she wanted Tina at that moment. Her golden and strawberry colored hair reflecting the sun shine, and the breeze that moved the strands that had escaped the ponytail whenever it blew; made her look like an angel and Bette found herself staring. Youre starting to drool. Tina said as she wrapped her arms around Bettes waist. Youre wrong you know, I have you left, and youre my lifeyoure who I need. She leaned into Bettes body and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, letting her tongue sneak out just to run it lightly over Bettes bottom lip. She pulled away and the brunette was beaming from ear to ear. Do you mind if I cut our date short? I think I should go home and try to talk to my mom. Not at all, I think its a pretty good idea. Bette said shaking her head and broke away from Tinas embrace, grabbing her hand she walked them back to Tinas car. Tina pulled in front of Bettes house minutes later and leaned in to kiss her again, this time slipping her tongue past Bettes lips and letting them taste one another. Tina pulled back and Bette let out a little moan at the loss. I love kissing you. Bette said with a cute little smirk. Me too. Tina said pecking Bette on the lips quickly and smoothing the unruly brown curls. BetteI Bette watched as Tina struggled for her words, Its okay T, you can talk to me I justI wanted to say thank you. For everything. Being there with me when Col died, this whole thing with my momyoure just amazing. Tina finished shyly and Bette found it completely adorable. Its nothing Tina, I just want to be good for you, Im sure its nothing you wouldnt do. They kissed again for a few moments before they heard yelling and a very angry Kit Porter stormed off of the front porch and turned around yelling at a very irate Melvin. Id better go before things become even more out of hand. Good luck with your mom. Call me later, or if you need me, okay babe? Tina nodded and Bette got out of the car yelling at both Kit and Melvin to cool down. I guess no familys that perfect. Tina thought as she pulled away and headed home. _________________________________________ Later that night when Jackie returned from her job hunt she found Tina sting on the sofa watching television and was shocked when the girl actually spoke to her voluntarily. How was it? she asked shifting on the couch so her mother could take a seat next to her. Pretty good, I found a couple of possibilities with a few firms. Its been quite a while since Ive workedbut I think Ill get back into the swing pretty quick. So, I thought you were going out tonight? No, we decided to cut the date short, I needed to talk to you. She answered not even realizing she used the word date, but Jackie had. You had a date? Is it still that boy Kevin that you were with for a while? Tina was wide eyed not knowing whether to tell her mom about her relationship with Bette. Uhmnosomeone else. But thats a whole other conversation. I need to talk to you aboutwell you. Jackie scrunched her brow in confusion but obliged to Tinas request to talk. Im sorry for treating you so crappy lately, I know youre trying to do better, but Im so disappointed in you stillI dont know what to do. I dont know why you were so desperate to drink, and if youre comfortable enough to talk about itI need to know. ChristinaI dontits hard to talk about. Things just got so horrible after your father leftI didnt know how to deal is pretty much what was going on inside me. I know its horrible to say, but I didnt think about you or your brother. You always seemed so independent and you were so protective of Colin. I just followed a bad example from my mother and father and turned to alcohol as an out instead of facing problems, and I was never to good with being motherly, which I guess comes from them toothey never gave me much affection.and I did the same thing. Tina nodded soaking in all the information. And now its too late to make it up to your brother. He was so young Tinahe had so muchand ifif I wasnt so fucked up I couldve been there and made sure he was in bed and safe. Not out in the cardoing.whatever he was doing. Im so sorry. Tina sat quietly for a moment. You called me Tina. Jackie smiled. She hadnt called Tina Tina since she was little. She always called her Christina for some reason. I think he was getting a toy he left in the car.he had one in his hand when I found himIts not all your fault mom, dont think like that. I put him to bedI was supposed to be watching. But.I love you momits hard for me to say that after all the ***** youve put me through. And its hard to believe that you wont start drinking again, but Im willing to try. Thats all I want Tina. The two women stared at each other for a few moments, looking at their watery glistening eyes until Tina finally broke and hugged her mother. It was probably the first time theyd hugged since Tina finished grade school. I think Im going to go to bed. Im glad we talked, night mom. Me too, good night. Tina walked up the stairs and into her room. She got changed and washed up before settling into her blankets and picking up the phone to call Bette. She let it ring until the voicemail picked up. Its Bette, if you dont know me you have the wrong number, if you dothen leave me a message. BEEP Hey baby, its meI hope I didnt wake you up by calling you. I hope you had a good day, and Ill see you tomorrow morning, dont forget about our date.well, Night babe. Tina ended the call and closed her eyes. She was so close to telling Bette she loved her and she was scared to death about that. She had no clue how Bette would react, she remembered one specific time that Bette had talked to her about a girl she was dating that had used the L word. It freaked me out, I dont really know this girl and shes telling me she loves me? Its a little much, Im only 16 for Christ sake, Im not ready for all this love stuff. Okay so were older now, but that still doesnt mean that she feels that strongly for me, she could love mebut not be in loveoh god I need sleep. Tina turned over onto her stomach and rested her cheek on the pillow, her eyes starting to get to heavy to stay open with out force. She found herself thinking and missing her little brother like she often did at night, thats when he would sneak into her room and crawl into the bed beside Tina when he had a nightmare. Hed wrap his little hands around her arm as he snuggled into her side and asked her to sing him to sleep. Now she had no one to sing to but herself. Hugging the pillow she found herself quietly whispering the words to the lullaby that always soothed her frightened brother. Lullaby and good night In the sky stars are bright ‘Round your head Flowers ***** Set you slumbers till day Close your eyes Now and rest May these hours Be blessed Good night dear child In your white sheets Rest happy Dreaming of Heaven